Friday, August 27, 2010

THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:


ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

Don't blame me. Blame the irrepressible Doug.

8 comments:

Malcolm+ said...

Why is it we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

And if you choke a smurf, what colour will it turn?

Malcolm+ said...

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Grandmère Mimi said...

Malcolm, keep them cards and letters coming, luv. LOL!

Paul said...

It is so good to have you back.

susankay said...

glad you're home.

Grandmère Mimi said...

Cher Paul and chère Susan, it's good to be home and back amongst my friends. I missed you all.

Porlock Junior said...

If you eat pasta and antipasto, obviously you'll explode. Doesn't anybody know any physics?
What *do* they teach them in school these days?

Grandmère Mimi said...

Porlock, I know very little about physics. I was not required to take the physics courses, and I didn't. The word was that the classes were difficult, and back in the day, I went for easy, unless the subject was one that I liked, which subjects leaned toward the humanities.

Today, I would choose differently. I very much regret not taking Latin for the same reason - difficult course. Education is often wasted on the young.