Socialist-Free Purity Pledge
I, ________________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following: I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:
Police, Fire, and Emergency Services
US Postal Service
Roads and Highways
Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)
US Passport Service
The US Railway System
Rest Areas on Highways
Bridges
Sidewalks
National Parks
Public Water/Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)
FDA Approved Food and Drugs
Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children
Treatment at Any Hospital/Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local/State/Federal Government
Medical Services and Medications That Were Created/Derived From Any Government Grant/Research Funding
Services provided by USDA/APHIS/VS and other Government Agencies
Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro and Teflon non-stick surfaces. (NASA Inventions)
Use of the Internets, email, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for computer networking
Foodstuffs/Meats/Produce/Crops That Were Grown With/Fed With/Raised With/That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies
Public Education
Government grants/loans for higher education
Attending publicly funded or state colleges/universities
SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF ____IN THE YEAR ____.
_________________ _________________
Name/Town/State
Just print, disconnect your computer from the socialist internets, sign and hand deliver to the appropriate agencies. Don't forget to pass it along to all your anti-socialist friends so that they, too, can free themselves of the tyranny!
Thanks to Sue.
Just "in the Year" and not "in the year of Our Lord Jesus Christ"?
ReplyDeleteErp, I takes 'em like they comes.
ReplyDeleteWait - what if the Bible was given to you by one of those Bible SOCIETIES?
ReplyDeleteWell, if you're all going to be picky, nevermind.
ReplyDeletelove this. too funny. I need to pass this on to some loons I know.
ReplyDeleteWhere do I sign? Oh, right. At the bottom of the page. . .
ReplyDeleteI'd settle for having these tea-bagging wrinklies offering to renounce their "Socialistic" Medicare.
ReplyDeleteI love this. I think I will print it out and carry a stack of them around to hand out to the folks who start up about how Obama is trying to make us a "Socialist" nation.
ReplyDeleteY'all gave me an idea. I'm gonna print and pass around, too, to the folks around here who don't read my blog.
ReplyDeleteSnarky. I love it.
ReplyDeleteI'm emailing this to a few people I know.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to add, "I will not go to a doctor who trained in the United States after 1965." When Medicare became the law of the land, teaching hospitals were subsidized for resident doctor's salaries. So every US physician who did a residency after 1965 received federal subsidization to get a paycheck.
ReplyDelete