Men are just happier people -- what do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress -- $5,000; Tux rental -- $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $7.49 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can do your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
It's just not fair. However, I note that, despite their advantages, some men ARE depressed! What is their PROBLEM?
From Paul (A.).
If an article of clothing fits and you don't hate the color or fabric, you can buy it without trying on another thirty articles. I enjoy being a guy.
ReplyDeleteOther Paul, do you do your nails with a pocket knife? Tell me the truth.
ReplyDeleteCan't answer for other Paul, but yes I do my nails with my swiss army knife, and I stir my coffee with my thumb.....
ReplyDeletemike
These do not apply to me -
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. (But then I rarely buy new shoes)
One mood all the time.(If only) You know stuff about tanks. You can open all your own jars. (and embarrassing when I can't)
Everything on your face stays its original color. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.(I never wear shorts past the front gate)
You can do your nails with a pocket knife.(Erk)
Three pair of shoes sounds like one pair too many for me! However, there are times when I just might have to drive to the next gas station because the rest room in one is too icky. I may even just wait until I get home.
ReplyDeleteOf course I know something about tanks!
Hi Mike. You're a man, all right.
ReplyDeleteBrian, the exceptions prove the rules.
Padre, holding it in can be bad for you, you know. I'm just saying.
My hubby and I laughed hard as I read this - out loud! Thanks for the good one (er, "ones!" There were many here that triggered laughter.).
ReplyDeleteCiss, I'm glad you both enjoyed the offering. I would be lost without my stringers.
ReplyDeleteForgot "never have to ask for directions."
ReplyDeletehave you priced boxers lately? you are lucky to get one pair for $7.49. At Costco or Target, even!
ReplyDeletebut it is very funny. I had a good laugh.
loved this one, thanks and Merry Christmas to you all!
ReplyDeleteNij
Check, Amelia.
ReplyDeleteDennis, I have not checked the price of boxers. GP buys his own.
Merry Christmas, Nij.
Dennis, try Hanes.
ReplyDeleteAccuracy is important.
Paul (A.), LOL. You jest, surely. I expect that Dennis wears designer boxers.
ReplyDeleteHi Mimi,
ReplyDeleteThought you would get the ref to stirring coffee with my thumb--from a song called "the logger lover" from back in the 50s or 60s--ummm, an ironic commentary on the concept of "real man"--see Pete Seeger sing it back in 1963 on youtube. Just google "logger lover youtube" and it'll pop right up.
Mike
Mike, sorry. I did not know the song until now.
ReplyDeleteThat song is an old friend. I think somewhere in this mess I call an office I can find it done by me with m'lady (my mountain dulcimer) singing along.
ReplyDeleteYes, I do name my instruments. It goes with the whole Romma bardic thing. We think of them as lovers. And yes, Sue-z knows. ;-)
FWIW
jimB
Jim, once upon a time, I played the mountain dulcimer, but not very skillfully. I love the sound of the instrument.
ReplyDelete