Psalm 151
1. The Lord is King; thou shouldst not ever forget it.
* the Lord is King, and he can kick your ass.
2. With his right hook and his holy arm
* he can surely put out your lights!
3. The Lord is great in Zion,
* and most anywhere else you care to mention.
4. He is truly smart and knows lots of things;
* that's how he got to be God.
5. Mess not with the Lord, neither shall ye piss him off;
* screw not around with him, for his sense of humor has its
limits.
6. Those who fear the Lord are counted as smart persons;
* but those who do not are as dumb as a box of rocks.
7. Incline your ear to me, O Lord, and hearken to my prayer,
* for I am a devoted Anglican.
8. Heed not the prayers of those other Protestants;
* for their prayers are silly ones.
9. They ask for things such as brand new, thick red carpeting,
* and choir-robes made of unnaturally coloured polyester.
10. They cry for pew-cushions, praise-bands, audio-systems and mood
lighting;
* and some have prayed to thee to have organs without pipes!
(Canst thou even imagine that?)
11. But as for me, I am a tasteful Episcopalian.
* (Yea, Lord, thou knowest that was highly redundant.)
12. The services which we offer before thy throne are truly spectacular;
* one wonders that thy head does not get too big to wear thy
tiara!
13. Thou takest no delight in the strumming of guitars,
* nor in the singing of 'Kumbahyah.'
14. Yet the music of Stanford, Howells, Byrd and the like
* brings a grin of pleasure even unto thy countenance.
15. I shall offer such worthy treasures unto thee as long as I shall
live,
* and not any mindless, trivial, banal pieces of crap
that some would have us consider as valid music.
16. And if I should fail to keep this promise,
* thou mayest kick my ass, as referred to in verse one.
Yea, Lord, thou knowest not to attribute this wickedness to your servant Mimi. Blamest thou Paul (A). My readers, thou also knowest that the fault lieth not with me. If thou art offended, takest the matter up with Paul (A).
LOL! :-)
ReplyDeleteWhat? Nothing for Jeanne d'Arc? Quelle scandale!
ReplyDeleteAlthough this is funny enough to make up for it.
How's my KJ English?
ReplyDeleteOne small slip: it may better read "thy servant Mimi"; nonetheless, thou art fair, and in sooth funny amongst women.
ReplyDeleteDone, Johnieb. Thank you. I have no compunction about changing a jot or a tittle in a post to make it read better.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHA
ReplyDeleteworship with good taste.
Diane, always, always worship with good taste.
ReplyDeleteThis seems to be making the rounds this week; the version our choir director read to us on Sunday was set to Anglican chant. And, as sung in the highest Anglo-Catholic parishes, a second chant setting begins at "But as for me, I am a tasteful Episcopalian." (done by showoff choirs - we're lucky to master one srtting per week).
ReplyDeleteC.W.S., Paul said that this one came to him from his choir director and was set to a chant
ReplyDeleteYes, but which chants? We sing out of the green anglican chant book frequently and could possibly 'perform' this at our choir party on the 7th of June.
ReplyDeleteSusan, here's what Paul said in his email:
ReplyDeleteLast night my interim choir director gave us an anglican chant to read through at the end of our last rehearsal of the season. The first double chant (through verse 10) is by Herbert Howells; the remaining verses by Edward Hopkins.
Does this help?
I have emailed Susan S. offlist to see if I could fax her a copy for her choir.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Paul.
ReplyDeleteThis is priceless!
ReplyDelete