1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
4. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
5. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months
6. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A
7. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it!
8. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
9. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
10. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
11. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is just two-tired.
12. A will is a dead giveaway.
13. A backward poet writes inverse.
14. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
15. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in linoleum blownapart.
16. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. A calendar's days are numbered.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
20. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
21. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Doug, I culled a few, because certain of my readers have short attention spans, and I knew they would not read them all. I chose those that made ME laugh. I await the groans from the hard to please folks.
Mimi I liked them all.
ReplyDeleteThen there's the butcher who sat on his sausage machine and got behind in his orders.
Groan, groan and groan (and chuckle).
ReplyDeleteWell, groan, of course!
ReplyDeleteI took Systematic Theology from a transplanted Br. Colombia Baptist who continually made up and shared this kind of stuff. Fortunately for him, his initials were HEH.
These are great, Mimi...and Doug. What were the culled ones? I want to see!!!! (clinches fist and stamps foot)
ReplyDeleteGroan! But what a lovely thing to groan about.
ReplyDeleteFrom Sidney Smith, probably the wittiest Anglican priest between John Donne and MadPriest:
Walking with a friend one day, Smith saw two women arguing; they were leaning out of windows across the street from each other.
Smith turned to his friend, and said, "They will never agree. They are arguing from different premises."
(I'll leave it to others to apply it to certain current events.)
Oh, I can see what's coming. Everyone will have one. That's fine. The more, the merrier!
ReplyDeleteSusan, here's what I culled:
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Not that they're not funny, but they didn't pass the LOL test.
Mark Twain on Wagner ...
ReplyDelete"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
Keep those jokes a-comin'.
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