MadPriest has a pain in the neck. I have a pain in the knee. All of this is getting to be a large PITA. I offer this bit of dialog from "Seinfeld":
ELAINE'S OFFICE - DAY
Elaine is sitting at her desk smelling a pen.
ELAINE (thinking): This pen smells really bad. So why do I keep smelling it? Is it too late for me to go to law school?
There's a knock on the door and several co-workers enter with a cake.
ELAINE: What is this?
MALE WORKER: You were out sick yesterday, so we got you a get-well cake.
FEMALE WORKER: It's carrot. It's good for you.
WORKERS (singing): Get well get well soon, we wish you to get--
ELAINE: Stop it! That's not even a song! I mean, now we're celebrating a sick day?
MALE WORKER: I think it's nice.
ELAINE: What? What is nice? Trying to fill the void in your life with flour and sugar and egg and vanilla? I mean, we are all unhappy. Do we have to be fat, too? Not you Becky, I know you have a slow metabolism. I don't want one more piece of cake in my office!
Another worker enters late.
WORKER (singing): Get well, get well soon--
MALE WORKER: It's not happening.
They all start to leave disappointed.
BECKY: Can we still eat it?
So much for pain. Get thee away from us, Pain! I want laughs!
Do go and offer prayers and sympathy to MadPriest. He's worse off than I am.
Photo from Wiki.
MP is not worse off than you. He has daily massage therapy. Do you?
ReplyDeleteMoving on, here's two jokes for you. The first one was told me by a crew member on a cruise ship, who insisted he actually overheard someone say this:
Tourist, coming on deck on Christmas Day, on a ship in the harbor of Charlotte Amalie (St. Thomas, USVI): Dang, look at all those hills! It must be horrible to drive around here when it snows!
And one more local to you:
A man is moping along, looking obviously overcome by problems. A kindly woman stops him, and offers to help.
"Oh, I don't know, ma'am, I've got so many bills to pay, and no money, I don't know what to do!"
"Oh, well, do what I always do. When I have a problem, I pray to St. Expedite and he always takes care of it!"
"Doesn't sound like the right saint for this sort of thing, ma'am. But do you suppose there's a St. Delay?"
Praying for you and MP, even if he does get massages :)
Well, Kishnevi, I thought it would be polite to defer to another's pain as worse. No, I do not have daily massage. Grandpère is a good neck and back massager, but he's not good with knees. He knows nothing about massaging knees.
ReplyDeleteI hear the roads in St. Thomas are murder to drive in the snow.
Two new saints to add to my list! Thanks for the laughs and the prayers.
My friend Dionne says there is nothing in the world which can not be cured by cake.
ReplyDeleteThere are "Seinfeld" lovers, and "Seinfeld" haters. I'm a lover.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your pain. I hope that it's not a chronic problem and that you will have quick relief.
Pain is terminating a quick trip we were going to make to Pasadena, an overnight trip for an anniversary event put on by my partner's employer (My partner is "celebrating" 20 years.). However, my partner had to have two root canals done this week, and is not feeling like dealing with the challenges of air travel.
I have told him that he will have to be the one to explain to The Wiener, then, why The Wiener had to be dragged to the vet's, poked and prodded by a girl vet, told that he was fat, then vaccinated, all so he could be boarded for the weekend.
Good thing that dogs seem unable to connect certain dots, and I'm sure all will be forgiven as soon as he's back home.
DP, I'll take your friend's words as wisdom. I'm going to eat cake.
ReplyDeleteKJ, I am a lover, too. I can recite the dialogue with the actors.
I confess that two root canals along with a plane trip sounds daunting to me, too. Dogs forget quickly. All will be forgiven. I'm sorry for you if you wanted to go on the trip.
No one wants my pain to go away more than I do, except perhaps Grandpère. I can't think why, since I suffer mostly in silence. He wants to get me back to work around the house, I suppose.
Sorry to hear about your knee.
ReplyDeleteI have to offer myself as the joke or at least idiot of the week.
As I wrote on my blog, (thanks for the nice note) we took Jamie to a wedding last week. The actual ceremony was out doors. They have a gazebo there and I was standing on what I thought was a solid deck when I noticed Jamie wandering off to see the horses -- alone.
With my eyes firmly focused on Jamie, some 40 or so yards off, I called her and took a step forward, off the deck onto the next level about 10 inches down. I hit in full prone, body flop position.
My prosthetic knee took most of the impact. It has almost healed, but think of me, dancing with the grand daughter, as the blood dripped into my shoe!
Ah love.
FWIW
jimB
Jim's Thoughts
Jim, I'm laughing, but it's really not funny. What else can you do with a story of a pratfall? Well, I'm pleased to hear that prosthetic knees can heal. I may have one in my future, though not soon, I hope.
ReplyDeleteOK, I gave a chance.
ReplyDeleteWhy is it so hard to solve a redneck murder?
1) All the DNA is the same
2) There aren't any dental records.
Trooper stops a pickup truck on Highway 61 and asks the driver "Got any ID?" And the redneck answers "Bout wut?"
Johnieb, what's happening to my blog? Do you find the quality deteriorating?
ReplyDeleteMy goodnes, no, Mimi; I thought you were asking to lower the level a few notches. Perhaps I was over zealous? I beg pardon, Madame; I only intended to offer some cheer for those who suffer, ma cher.
ReplyDeleteNo, no, no, Johnieb, not you. I meant me. I laugh at Cajun jokes and don't find them offensive. Who, but you, has the right to post redneck jokes. ;o) I was teasing anyway.
ReplyDelete