Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Ponderisms
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
But Most Of All, Remember!
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?
Doug, I never do. I know where my bread is buttered. What WOULD I do without you?
Milk and eggs may be weird -- but think of the person who thought it would be a good idea to eat a lobster!
ReplyDeleteWithout Doug the tone here would undoubtedly rise but what would your low-life clientele (moi-self included) do then? Languish from lack of low humor, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteThe egg comment is utterly tasteless. But the eggs over easy I had for brunch were lovely.
The milk out of the dangly things and the egg out of the ass are utterly tasteless. Eggs don't come out of a chicken's ass, anyway.
ReplyDeleteTell me when I ever laid claim to good taste in jokes.
"In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal."
ReplyDeleteso true.
Just to be clear, I'm the humorless Doug.
Just to be clear, I'm the humorless Doug.
ReplyDeleteNot true. You're the one who doesn't send me jokes.
Who discovered that some poisonous mushrooms can be eaten when cooked?
ReplyDeleteErika! Or should I call you Eureka?
ReplyDelete