Some We May Have Seen. Still Funny?

It's not for me to say. If they're not, don't blame me. Blame Doug.


I have kleptomania,
But when it gets bad,
I take something for it.

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

My short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory is not as sharp as it used
To be.

In just two days from now,
Tomorrow will be yesterday.

A bartender is just a pharmacist
With a limited inventory

The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.

I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Money isn't everything,
But it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Reality is only an illusion that
Occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.