Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.
Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-ma-ny, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Thanks to Doxy.
Very funny.
ReplyDeleteOf course, Vancouver is just "up the street" for us Seattleites, so we're accustomed to the primitive life when we visit there.
It's been ages since I've laughed so long and so hard.
ReplyDeletehahahahah! thanks for posting that. hilarious.
ReplyDeleteKJ, just wait till the primitive Canadians come to beat you up.
ReplyDeleteI heard this years ago about Australia. I love these!!
ReplyDeleteI actually drank the water in Montreal. I'm so brave.
ReplyDeleteMe too...I´m laughing hard and it´s making me feel so good...I spent the last few minutes looking at Maggie Gallagher on video and I didn´t think I´d ever get the evil spirt/after image of plump looking Maimi Eisenhower (heard she was abused) Bangs from swooshing around inside my head (I bet Maggie is why my retina tore a couple of months ago, I´ve gotta be careful about looking too closely at selfrighteous bigots because they can harm from afar).
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of a trip I took to California with Boston friend who had never been west of the Hudson River. She took her passport and packed a months worth of "feminine sanitary products" since she wouldn't believe me when I told her that they were available in the not so wild west.
ReplyDeleteWhat is it with Bostonians? Years ago I worked with a guy who was proud he had never stepped foot in a state that didn't border the Atlantic Ocean. He thought the west began In Buffalo (and not Buffalo, Wyoming).
ReplyDeleteLovely!
ReplyDeleteHilarious! The last one was the best, I think. They should hand these instructions out for free at the borders.
ReplyDeleteLorne
Gee. I think Doxy and me hit a homer.
ReplyDelete"...you will have to learn it first". V good.
ReplyDeleteThis post is zooming to the top of the charts, right behind my I-don't-know-nuthin'-'bout-no-art review of the Kandinsky show at the Guggenheim. My art reviews are always big winners for me.
ReplyDeleteIn truth, my post on Kandinsky was not a review, because I was too afraid that Counterlight, the famous artist and professor, would mock my ignorance.
"I was too afraid that Counterlight, the famous artist and professor, would mock my ignorance."
ReplyDeleteI would never do such a thing. I'd drink the water in Halifax first.
Like Erika, I have often seen most of these questions referring to Australia. Except kangaroos instead of polar bears in the street and of course the Vienna Boys Choir (austria) makes more sense.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if the Austrian tourist board gets questions about diving in the Great Barrier Reef?
ReplyDeleteDrink the water in Halifax, Counterlight? I am quite moved. Perhaps one day I shall venture an art show review again.
ReplyDeleteBrian, the Swede in the bushes would make more sense for Australia, too, although I believe that is my favorite, despite the disconnection. I hope Göran doesn't read this comment.
And if you really want to make friends north of the border, compliment them on their lovely "Monopoly" money.
ReplyDeleteHey! I'm from Boston, and as Grandmere Mimi saw, I did pretty well for myself in Anaheim. Learned a few words of Californian and everything.
ReplyDeleteDoug, don't be absurd. Everyone knows the Great Barrier Reef fell in 1989 allowing for the reunification of East and West Australia.
ReplyDeleteLoved the one about Hippo Racing.
ReplyDeleteLoved the one about Hippo Racing.
ReplyDelete"She took her passport and packed a months worth of "feminine sanitary products" since she wouldn't believe me when I told her that they were available in the not so wild west"
ReplyDeleteThat's like my former parents-in-law who would take tinned salmon and Heinz tomato ketchup to Cape Town in case they fancied some, because you never know!
Lindy! I'm glad you checked in. I lost the email with your latest dispatch, which I wanted to post, along with some of your pictures. I saved the pictures, so I have those, but I lost your email address along with the email.
ReplyDeleteIf you still have the email, could you resend it, or, at least, send me an email so I will have your address? And if you have anything more recent that you'd like us to know, send that too, and I will post.
Cute!!
ReplyDeleteI am a huge fan of everything Canadian and my husband and I love to travel in that beautiful country!!! :-)
Oh, those are very, very funny.
ReplyDeleteLove the one about the moose!
Oh, come now, Mimi.
ReplyDeleteWe all know that anything north of Durham-Raleigh or west of the Mississippi is nothing but a howling, empty wasteland full of bloodsucking foreign ghost-devils!
I love Canada and the Canadians, too. How nice of them to let us pay in our own not-Monopoly money.
ReplyDelete