Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
I posted only half of the Q&As because of the short attention spans of a great many of my readers. More to come, courtesy of Ann Fontaine.
Remind me why people talk about how "innocent" television used to be "in the good old days"? ;-)
ReplyDeleteNaughty, naughty. And they got away with it. At the moment, I'm feeling quite nostalgic about those old comedians. I loved Charlie Weaver.
ReplyDeleteDoxy, I think they were either on after the children were supposed to be in bed, or during the day when they were at school.
ReplyDeleteVW=nicatecl The latest harmful ingredient found it cigarettes is Nicatecl.
Excellent! Not comedians I am familiar with but all those lines are sharp as a pile of tacks.
ReplyDeleteSusan--I'm pretty sure I watched them all summer when I was a kid. Of course I didn't get the risque jokes at all...
ReplyDeleteMimi--I loved Charley Weaver and RoseMarie. Paul Lynde was probably the funniest, but he always struck me as kind of cruel. I've read that he was a very unhappy alcoholic. I guess it must have been hard to be a half-closeted gay man in Hollywood. :-(
And George Gobel, too. Sniff, sniff.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read the questions and answers in Ann's email, I was surprised at how risqué the answers were. I think I may not have understood them at the time, and I was an adult. I was such an innocent until I got involved with naughty Episcopalians and Anglicans.
Hahahaha. I needed a laugh today and this gave me some good ones, thanks for posting.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what they say - wherever you find four Episcopalians, there's sure to be a fifth.
I watched that show when I was a kid and I LOVED it. I remember some of those very routines quoted in the post, and yes, I got them.
ReplyDeleteExplains a lot about me.
I always found them risqué, and I laughed with the audience.
ReplyDeleteWhen I look at your current profile picture I could easily believe you are an innocent, Mimi, but I've met you. And if we have corrupted you then we have certainly done a fabulous job.
ReplyDeleteI have often reminded people of Paul Lynde. I hope I am not that bitter and I am certainly more sober, though I acknowledge I sound somewhat like he did. It has never been a comparison I care for.
Piskies and booze seem to go together, Russ, although as a former RC, I was already turned on.
ReplyDeleteCounterlight, you were a veritable prodigy!
With Paul Lynde, there was a trace of bitterness and cruelty in his humor that put me off. Pablito, you are nothing like him. You're bad, but in a different way. ;-)
Oh, please give us more! I needed that laugh today!
ReplyDeletePaul--I can honestly say that I would NEVER have made that connection! You are too sweet--and I don't think you sound a thing like Paul Lynde.
ReplyDeleteCheers,
Doxy
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
ReplyDeleteA. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Ouch! That one hits a little close to home. ;-p
I, too, watched HS religiously in my misspent youth. It's surprising how many of those I didn't get then. [And Paul Lynde was gay?! Seriously, when I first heard that . . . oh, around 20 years ago (re humor of 35-40 years ago) I was kinda "D'oh!" ;-X]