Lately, I've thought quite a bit about why I don't visit Facebook often. Many folks with whom I'd like to be in closer touch are there, so why not me? The plain answer is that I don't like the site. When I remember, I visit from time to time to see if major happenings are going on in the lives of people with whom I'd like to keep in touch. More often than not, I expect that I miss major events, because I venture to Facebook all too seldom. I'd actually be off the site were it not the easiest way to keep in touch with certain members of my family.
The reasons that people like Facebook are rather easy to understand. It's a one-stop online location to see what's going on the the lives of Facebook friends. I've thought about why I don't like Facebook, and my best explanation is a metaphor. Visiting Facebook gives me similar feelings to a suggestion for a meet-up in the food court of a shopping mall. I don't like shopping malls, and I like eating in the food court in a shopping mall even less. The place is too busy. There are too many choices, too much noise. The whole atmosphere is just too much. It's the same with Facebook, without the audible noise.
Now the food court in a shopping mall is my metaphor, and I expect that few, if any, will take hold of my metaphor and make it their own. When I walk into a shopping mall, my first impulse is to turn around and walk out. When I click over to Facebook, my first impulse is to click away.
You know, Mimi, JUST TODAY I was considering ending my "Last Person Not on Facebook" Strike.
ReplyDeleteYou've given me strength to carry on another day!
[The thing about eating in a mall: it's always *suggestive* of BETTER food, you could be having somewhere ELSE!]
I don´t know how to engage well at Facebook--it seems oddly overly personal or overly exposed...no feeling of closeness (in my opinion).
ReplyDeleteLeonardo
JCF, you might like the site. Don't go by what I say. Obviously, I'm far out of the mainstream. 1 out of 16 people in the world are on Facebook. You're right about the food in the food courts. My choice comes down to what is the least bad.
ReplyDeleteLeonardo, I'm uncomfortable at the website, which doesn't lead to successful engagement.
Do y'all think Mark Zuckerberg will be out to get me?
It is funny - people either love it or hate it. Me, I am someone completely at home there and it is how I do a lot of communicating.
ReplyDeleteWe're all different, that is still a gift.
Fran, hate might be a strong word, but perhaps not. I can see that you thrive there. I try, but it don't work for me.
ReplyDeleteI think we all have to set limits and those limits are personal. Facebook does work for me, but I don't do online games. Strangely enough, setting that limit has resulted in hurt feelings.
ReplyDeleteMary, I don't do anything on Facebook but post, and that rarely, and comment on others' posts. I don't do gifts, games, causes (with a few, very few, exceptions, or any of the other activities. I quickly realized I could not keep up. I wish I could like FB more, because I'm fond of many people over there, and I'm out of the loop of information that goes around, but there it is.
ReplyDeleteI don't like it much either. No games, causes, etc and i have become increasingly restrictive about who I friend. Some friends I ignore. I miss the substantive conversations we used to have on the blogs; the facebook stuff is too superficial most of the time for anything other than sharing a link.
ReplyDeleteI miss the substantive conversations we used to have on the blogs;
ReplyDeleteIT, I do, too, very much. And I have little or no contact with many of my FB friends. What's the point?
Your metaphor of a food court in a shopping mall is spot on.
ReplyDeleteIf Facebook were just about keeping in touch with friends and family (as it was in the beginning), I'd like it more. But it's all the other stuff, the "apps", that clutter it and make it like a shopping mall.
In Singapore they have cooked food centres, which are not in shopping malls. There is a sort of courtyard, surrounded by lots of little shops selling food, and a lot of tables in the centre. You can buy food from several different shops to put on your plate. I don't mind those. You can chat there, and you don't have blaring music and announcements of special offers and people passing through that you get in shopping malls.
You can just keep it as a personal contacts thing. All of the apps/games etc. can be turned off. I know I have done this. I'm not particulalrly enamoured of it, but do find it useful in this respect. Numbers of young people that I have worked with across the years have been able to make contact wth me again and I can now follow their lives and they can continue to be part of mine, particularly those I have worked with in other countries.
ReplyDeleteDamn! Now I feel so bad for enjoying Facebook. I'll go sit in the back pew with all the other reprobate sinners.
ReplyDeleteI don't play any of the games or any of that crap (the quizes are the most annoying of all), but it is such a pleasure to keep up with friends, and to renew contact with old friends who long ago moved away. It's been a Godsend for keeping my work online.
I certainly don't think of it as a substitute for blogging. I opinionate on Facebook, but I opinionate and reflect thoughtfully on my blog.
My parish made it a project to put as many of its members on Facebook as possible. It's been great for spreading information, and even better, for people to form contacts and friendships outside of Sunday morning. Facebook also proved to be a great success for posting requests for prayers and help in times of need, and people do respond. When a fellow parishoner lost her mother, and was faced with the daunting task of cleaning out her mother's apartment, a number of people found out about it on Facebook and showed up to help her out.
ReplyDeleteSteve, the food courts in Singapore sound a good bit more attractive than those in shopping malls.
ReplyDeleteTheme, I know that FB serves worthy purposes. The site serves a purpose for me in keeping in touch with my family, but I can't make myself like being there.
Counterlight, my intention in writing the post was not to make anyone who uses Facebook or likes FB feel guilty or ashamed. I'm simply puzzled that I dislike an activity that so many people whom I admire and respect find pleasurable.
When we were traveling in Scotland last summer, Cathy told me she thought I had ADD, and I believe she is right. That would account for what I've always called my absentmindedness. Since I'm easily distracted, I have to focus on one task at a time, and I'm in the habit of tuning out what's going on around me. I believe that Facebook overwhelms me because there's just too much there - the same as with a food court in a shopping mall.
I enjoy Facebook because I am back in touch with people from my past and Facebook seems to be the only way we could find each other nowadays. I have many different circles of friends there.
ReplyDeleteI decided to calm things down on my blog as I'm seeking employment in the U.S., but I still use Facebook to pound on the political opposition. I think FB is better for such things than the Dance Party as the Dance Party is accessible to anyone on-line, while one must be my Dear Facebook Friend to access my anti-GOP rants.
I'm with you, Mimi ... I will go so far as to say I hate FB. I am on it but rarely do more than occasionally wish someone a happy birthday, if that. And ... even with that I am more inclined to e-mail. I fail to see how people deem themselves so important that the whole world needs to know that they have checked in at the gas station or what they've had for dinner. Who cares? I sure don't.
ReplyDeleteHere's my philosophy ... if you want to communicate with me either e-mail or call me. FB is an invasion of privacy. Did I mention that I hate FB? I love the blogs, but NOT FB!
Padre, never apologize, and never explain. :-) I understand. Really, I do.
ReplyDeleteThe only old friends I've ever found online, I located through Yahoo People Search.
whiteycat, I've been reading blogs for more than 12 years, and I'll take them any old time over Facebook, but the blogosphere is not what it once was. That's progress for ya, I guess.
I found people through Facebook I'm quite sure I would never have found by any other means - old friends and new - so I am grateful to it. Also, it is remarkably good for getting out certain sorts of information, and for staving off boredom at work, the last not being a small thing as far as I am concerned. In fact I rely on Wounded Bird to help with the same :-)
ReplyDeleteCathy, chacun à son goût!
ReplyDeleteFreedom for everyone to like or not like Facebook!
Freedom for everyone to like or not like blogs!
Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!
Well, absolutely. Although you have momentarily reminded me of Mel Gibson in Braveheart, which I am sure was not the intended effect, Mimi.
ReplyDeleteI was glad to leave FB. It was too much for me. I am even finding blogging too much and had almost decided to give up until the Christchurch earthquake occurred. I do not think people round the world are interested in my average mundane daily activities and do not have the time to keep up with theirs. It is probably an age thing but most of my real life friends either have no interest in the internet or only use it for email and to occasionally gather some useful information.
ReplyDeleteCathy, that's a first - me like Mel Gibson. Thanks for the smile.
ReplyDeleteBrian, I'm glad you did not give up, if for one reason only: I'd never have found the beautiful prayer for the people of Christchurch.
I think about giving up blogging, too, and I've announced twice that I was and had to eat my words, so no more announcements. Like the cowboys, I will fade into the sunset.
FYI, I just posted a link to my post on IT's and BP's blessing ceremony at Facebook. See. The site is useful even to me from time to time.
ReplyDelete'The place is too busy.'
ReplyDeleteAnd yet you run a very busy blog, Mimi. You post several times a day and keep several conversations going in response to your posts, seemingly able to juggle the different subjects in your head at the same time without any problem. Frankly, I'm amazed at your energy for blogging. I have a hard time sustaining a post a week.
Tim, thanks. I take one post at a time - mostly, and I like to respond to comments, because I believe that if a person takes the time to write, I want to acknowledge their effort. Still, sometimes I do get rattled. :-)
ReplyDeleteI visit Facebook every morning and evening and it does help me keep in touch with friends scattered far and wide. But it is too busy. I eschew all apps and block games and have very mixed feelings about accepting friends unless I have been in touch with them recently in other venues. I guess I don't really like it but consider it a necessary evil. It does allow me to share information with others, some trivial and some important (like keeping friends politically informed). And prayer.
ReplyDeleteI prefer reading blogs though, even though I have blogged very little in recent months. Substantive conversations - IT nailed it. I love coming here.
Paul, you're a dear. I probably visit FB twice a day most days, but unless there's a need for prayers or something serious going on in the life of one of my friends, I seldom comment.
ReplyDeleteThere are things I like about Facebook - it's good for networking with others who are interested in formation and mission. And I'm connecting with childhood and highschool friends. But for Lent I'm thinking about going back to blogging and cutting back on Facebook.
ReplyDeleteMary, I didn't mean to come across as a scold but apparently I did, since I caused folks to feel they had to explain. I thought of the post as more of an explanation to my friends of why I didn't join them there.
ReplyDeleteIt is okay if you don't like FB -- I love it. Keeps me in touch with my kids which does not happen otherwise. I feel more day to day in touch than just crises or occasional - "let's call the parents phone calls." I have a Family list that I check when I am too busy to keep up with everyone. I play scrabble with 4 different people - I love the leisurely pace of those games. It is like a giant cocktail party - you can either tune in on multiple conversations or you can sit down with one friend for chat. Have to BYOB tho. LOL
ReplyDeleteThanks to Facebook, my dying sister in law's dog Skittles found a home in Michigan... but it is essential to say that the home is with someone that I met on this very blog.
ReplyDeleteSo I think that both are important. However, freedom of choice to use both or to prefer one is also essential.
I simply do not have the time to blog like I used to and I find that there are many lively (perhaps too lively!) discussions on my FB page. Also, I can't easily blog from my phone, I can easily be on Facebook from my phone.
As for an invasion of privacy, like Padre Mickey, my FB page is open to whomever I have consciously connected with. I have consciously disconnected with folks on FB too. If one chooses to be there, it really can't be an invasion. That said, I understand that people might not want to be so public.
I blog under my own name and what I say on Facebook is under my own name, all by choice.
Choice, and as Mimi said in an earlier comment, freedom - those are the things that matter.
And this blog? A very special place, due to a very special person who hosts so much lively community here.
We love you Mimi.
Ann and Fran, thanks for your comments. Even though I'm not often at Facebook, I love you both.
ReplyDeleteJust yesterday, my daughter and I had a chat on FB about whether to attend the coming concert of Harry Connick, Jr in New Orleans, and we decided not, because the tickets are frightfully expensive. We could have had the same chat on the phone, but she prefers FB, so I go along.
Now I know the secret to attracting comments to my blog - diss Facebook. :-)
FWIW, when I'm away from my computer, I don't want to be blogging or commenting on Facebook.
ReplyDelete