Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?I have long pondered these matters, Paul (A.). Thank you - at last! - for answers.
Let's face it: English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant,
No ham in the hamburger,
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted,
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why hadn't the preacher praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital;
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down,
In which you fill in a form
By filling it out,
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all).
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible,
But when the lights are out they are invisible,
And why it is that when I wind up my watch,
It starts,
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
Cheers,
Paul (A.)
A video update for your pleasure, with thanks to Eleanor in the comments.
Love this "How the English Language was Developed" in ten minutes or so.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSYwPTUKvdw
Eleanor, thank you! The video is clever and oh so funny. I believe I must add it in an update to my post.
ReplyDeleteAnd an egg cream has neither eggs nor cream.
ReplyDeletePaul (A.) is at his usual best. Let us be thankful for him!
ReplyDeletePaul Powers, I believe there is no end to examples.
ReplyDeletewhiteycat, I am grateful to Paul (A.) and all the folks who co-write my blog. What would I do without them?
What is an egg cream?
ReplyDeleteBrian, according to Wikipedia:
ReplyDeleteAn egg cream is a beverage consisting of chocolate syrup, milk, and soda water, probably dating from the late 19th century, and is especially associated with Brooklyn, home of its alleged inventor, candy store owner Louis Auster. It contains neither eggs, cream, nor ice cream.
And the Holy Roman Empire was not holy, nor Roman, nor an empire.
ReplyDeleteWaitaminnit, it was a Frnchman who pointed that out. That language must be as crazy as ours. Never mind.
But a marine trumpet (or trumpet marine) is neither marine nor a trumpet, and an English horn is guess what, but a French horn actually is a horn; so I guess the frenchies can go on thinking they're rational, so long as they're playing music. And not using French dressing, which the French surely would never do.
The French language police try hard to fend off pollution of their pure language, but to no avail. The internet makes their striving for purity all the more futile.
ReplyDeleteI'm thankful for the richness and variety of the English language, which sometimes makes for confusion, but seems the best way. There's a campaign on now to make 'tebow' part of the English lexicon, and I say, 'Why not?'