The picture of my sister Gayle was taken on the grounds of the Tower of London during our trip to England in the 1990s. We were headed to visit the Norman chapel inside the White Tower. I stopped to take a picture, and Gayle walked on. Today is the sixth anniversary of my sister's death. With courage, she fought off lymphoma 17 years before she died from pancreatic cancer. I still miss her. For me, the picture is a stunning metaphor for Gayle's walking away from all of us who love her.
Please pray for her husband, Frank and her three children, two grandchildren, and one great-grandchild. Please pray for me and for her many friends who still miss her. She was a wonderful person. She loved to joke and laugh, and she loved a good party. She was a good wife, mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother. She was a good sister and a good friend to me.
For the past ten days or so, I've been unusually doleful, and I've wondered why. There's a good bit going on in my family that could make me sad, but I'm fairly resilient, with my melancholy times lasting only a day or so. Yesterday, it dawned on me that in the days before the anniversary of Gayle's death, I grieve each year, even though I'm not constantly thinking about the approaching anniversary. Still, the body clock says it's a time to grieve.
WHY COULDN'T YOU STAY?
You walked away; you left us
Bereft, bereaved.
How could you go?
It wasn't your doing,
I know, I know.
Yet, how could you go?
Two years passed and gone,
Slipped away.
After you left, I'd think
I'll call her; I'll email.
Oh no! None of that!
You won't answer.
Now I know you're gone.
No thoughts of visits to come,
Seeing your face, hearing your voice,
The sound of your laughter.
Sadness lingers, emptiness remains.
Why couldn't you stay?
June Butler - 04-27-08
Thanks for expressing what I know about my brother's death, too. My younger brother and I keep saying - we need to call Steve -- but AT&T and Verizon don't help us.
ReplyDeleteBless you for your sense of the reality of grieving. So many want those grieving to, "get over it." A blessing to you and your family that the memories though painful can also be a joy that holds her to you.
ReplyDeleteAnn, I know you know. It's as though a part of our very selves was cut off. AT&T and Verizon need to broaden their coverage.
ReplyDeleteCiss B, the grief comes unbidden, and each year I'm caught by surprise and wonder if I'm falling into a depression until I realize what's happening. The sudden attacks of hard grief have mostly abated, but the annual round of a period of grieving continues, and I don't mind, once I know what's going on. It's amazing to me that our bodies do this, but I know it's quite real, at least, for me.
I agree on the amazement. What bothers me is there are so many that wish we'd "get over it," sadly. My prayers are with you when the pain comes over you and that you can find a bit of solace in the grieving for it can also heighten the wonderful memories, too.
DeleteTrue, Ciss, in the process of grieving, we remember the good times. On Facebook, my niece, Gayle's daughter, reminded me of her laugh, her love of life, and her 'lil Merlot'. I laughed through my tears.
DeleteLovely post for your sister, Mimi. I was just talking to my own sister on the phone and rolling my eyes the whole time. Thanks for the much-needed smack-upside-the-head. Big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteThanks, PJ. I wish our Krazy Krewe could get together again. It's been too long.
ReplyDeletePrayers, Mimi. No need for AT&T or Verizon for that.
ReplyDeleteFeeling the same thing, so acutely right now, given the recent death of my mother. Thank you, Grandmere, for sharing this.
ReplyDelete(((((((((((( Mimi and Suzer ))))))))))))
ReplyDeleteKirke, true. No need for technology when we have prayers. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteOh Suzer! Your grief is fresher, and you feel it more acutely. I remember. Prayers for comfort and consolation for you, m'dear.
Pablito, there you are, always at the ready to comfort and console.
AT&T and Verizon need to broaden their coverage.
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh through my tears...
The loss of my grandmother is very fresh--extremely so this week, for some reason. And my daughter keeps asking "Why did Ammama have to go away?"
Hugs to you, Mimi and Suzer. I try to remember "Blessed are those who mourn," because we only mourn what (or who) we love--and to have had that love was such a gift.
Pax,
Doxy
It is so important to acknowledge your grief. I am sure that posting this is helpful to many other people. We buried my mother-in-law a week ago today. I'm a little sad today.
ReplyDeleteOh Doxy! You're so right! When the gift of love is great, great is the grief. And I believe we must embrace the grief. We never stop grieving for those we love, but it does get better.
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers for you and yours, especially your daughter.
Kay & Sarah, I hope the post is not just for me. Gayle was closer to me than anyone else in the world, but for my husband and children. Still, our closeness was unique, and no one can take her place.
It's a lovely picture as metaphor. Prayers for those who grieve. That body-clock memory is amazing, that's for sure. Last October, as the anniversary of my Dad's passing approached, I was very aware that my entire being was still grieving.
ReplyDeleteKJ, the body clock is amazing to me. Prayers for you and all who love your Dad.
ReplyDeleteFor Gayle's memorial service, we gathered pictures to display. As soon as I saw the photo above, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I knew it would be my contribution
I was feeling really crappy yesterday (digestive complaints, I think; over, I think), and that made me really miss my mom [Gone almost 5 years now. I live w/ my dad, and his usual response to any physical ailments I might have is "What did you do {to make yourself sick}?" Mom gave the TLC. So on top of feeling crappy, I had to hide feeling crappy. :-( ]
ReplyDelete{{{Mimi and all the grieving}}}
JCF, I'm sorry you felt crappy yesterday, with no one to give you TLC. :-(
ReplyDeleteThanks for the hugs.
Thanks for the post and call. She is sorely missed every day - but the juxtaposition of her passing and upcoming birthday make for a hard week. It is comforting, however, knowing she is still loved and remembered by others too.
ReplyDeleteYes, Frank, we've got to get through May 5, Gayle's birthday and the anniversary of her memorial service. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteJust read this poem Grandmère and it made me think of this photograph.
ReplyDeleteWalk Within You
If I be the first of us to die, Let grief not blacken long your sky.
Be bold yet modest in your grieving. There is a change but not a leaving.
For just as death is part of life, The dead live on forever in the living.
And all the gathered riches of our journey,
The moments shared, the mysteries explored, The steady layering of intimacy stored,
The things that made us laugh or weep or sing, The joy of sunlit snow or first unfurling of the spring,
The wordless language of look and touch, The knowing, Each giving and each taking,
These are not flowers that fade, Nor trees that fall and crumble,
Nor are they stone,
For even stone cannot the wind and rain withstand And mighty mountain peaks in time reduce to sand.
What we were, we are. What we had, we have.
A conjoined past imperishably present.
So when you walk the wood where once we walked together
And scan in vain the dappled bank beside you for my shadow,
Or pause where we always did upon the hill to gaze across the land,
And spotting something, reach by habit for my hand,
And finding none, feel sorrow start to steal upon you, Be still.
Close your eyes. Breathe.
Listen for my footfall in your heart. I am not gone but merely walk within you.
---Nicholas Evans
theme, thank you. The poem is lovely and so very true. As my then 5-year-old grandson said at my mother's memorial service, 'If you love them, they live in your heart.' Yes, he said the words without coaching from anyone, and I've never forgotten them. Still, I think we must make room for the grief when it comes. I read the poem, and I think, 'Yes', but the grief is still here. Once those of us who love Gayle and were close to her get past the date of Gayle's birthday and the anniversary of her memorial service in a few days, things will be different, at least for me. But I have to go through this time and not try to avoid it, nor would I want to. Besides, it's really out of my hands.
ReplyDelete