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| Richard Haggis |
Chatting with internet friends today, I bothered to check and see that 17 of America's 50 states, plus the District of Columbia, have ratified gay marriage. So has Uruguay, so has France. So has the UK (well, apart from Northern Ireland, which only seems to be united when it wants to be). It was only in 1996 that the America Congress passed the "Defence of Marriage Act", which the Supreme Court has since declared unconstitutional. And, although I sulk about the retarded crassness of the Churches to be part of this revolution, and in particular, my own Church of England's insistence on being protected by law from having to look reality in the face, I also see the amazing steps forward that people all round the world have been making, for the sake of a small (but let's admit it, glamorous and rather wonderful) minority.Richard's words about the affectionate teenage boys are wonderful and true.
And with such thoughts on my mind I was hobbling towards Cowley to sort things out at the building society which can only be sorted in person, and I saw two forms in the middle distance. At first I thought they were a girl and boy. Obviously teenagers, dressed from school, it was that time of day. But no, on coming into closer focus I saw that the willowy dark one was a tall black boy of perhaps Ethiopian ancestry, the other a meatier white Barton chav. They were clinched in the tightest embrace, sealed, before they parted with a passionate kiss.
What were they? 14, 16? I can't guess that. They weren't full-grown, but they were adult height, at least as tall as me. And I wondered as they parted their separate ways to go home to the "tea" (this is Barton) their mothers will have ready for them, whether their mothers know, and if they do, what they think, and if they don't, what they might.
And then I thought it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, because that kiss in broad daylight on the street said it all - that it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks any more. We are free to live and love and pursue our happiness however we choose.
This is what we have fought for. It is happening. The truth is making people free.
Richard Haggis
Barton-upon-Bayswater, Oxford
May 2014
Note: My church, The Episcopal Church, is part of the revolution and has taken its licks because of it, with some of the blows coming from the hierarchy in the Church of England.
Richard writes at Winsome, Lose some.
A lovely little vignette. What I fear most straight people don't realize is that being unable to express your feelings naturally and openly is a great impediment to ordinary social and emotional development. Imagine if, as a girl growing up, you were never, ever allowed to express the fact that you liked boys - not even to hint at such a terrible thing - let alone hug and kiss one in broad daylight. Just imagine your whole teenage life with no dates, no dances, no proms, nothing at all. That's how it was for us gay people, unless we were the few who could pass and pretend to be straight.
ReplyDeleteThank God the generations to come will be able to have a much more normal life and develop themselves in the ordinary way, just like their straight brothers and sisters.
Russ, I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for gay teenagers in times past, not to mention the effects on a teen's emotional and social development. It's not always easy even today, which is why I was impressed and delighted with Richard's lovely story.
DeleteWhen I was a teenager, lo these many years ago, many public displays of affection were frowned upon. Holding hands, an arm lightly around the waist, and a brief peck on the cheek to say goodbye were permitted, but only between a boy and a girl.
Times change, and we see much more in the way of PDA in public places these days, sometimes more than I am comfortable seeing, much less participating in. But I am old, and I don't decree the rules for everyone. However, I firmly believe same sex couples should be as free as opposite sex couples to openly express their affection for one another.
Indeed, thank God and good people for better days.
I vividly recall, after I came out some 35 years ago, in a university town, watching young straight couples blithely sauntering through the aisles in the supermarket, picking out canned goods and jars of coffee, holding hands all the while - and nobody paid them the slightest attention. Whereas I well knew that if I and another guy did exactly the same thing, there would be hell to pay - dirty looks, rude remarks, and a manager to come whizzing up the aisle to throw us out or call the cops.
DeleteSo I just watched all those thoughtless young boys and girls ambling along arm in arm, hand in hand, with a pang in my heart. And for many years thereafter. Now I can hardly believe the tide has turned as far and as fast as it has - this clip just takes my breath away:
http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/2014/05/10/like-a-gay-sonic-boom/
Western society has progressed quite a way toward acceptance and equality for LGTB people, and, in the last few years, change has come much more swiftly than I would ever have imagined. Thanks for the link. The video is quite moving.
DeleteHere's a clickable link to the video.
I had an experience like this about 9 months ago (after SCOTUS Prop8 reversal!), in the perfectly lovely locale of Muir Woods National Monument, north of San Francisco. There, among the towering redwoods, a couple of (evidently, though I don't know whether visitors or immigrants) African women were "affectionately embracing & kissing", asking a passerby to photograph them (which the passerby OF COURSE did!). Dollars-to-donuts says they were *honeymooners* (Muir Woods---and San Fran in general---being the PERFECT place for such happy events!).
ReplyDeleteThank God that the Times Done A-Changed....
JCF, would I be wrong if I suspected that you were the passerby? ;-)
DeleteMa'am, being of a certain age myself, I have to confess that my immediate response to the vignette is to pray that the boys are not subsequently bashed, to pray that it *truly* does not matter.
ReplyDeleteWe see such displays of affection in our own neighborhood, but it is one of the most inclusive, accepting areas in Cincinnati. Our neighbors, and their children, do not recoil when I kiss John goodbye on our front porch.
Yes, the times are changing, but not more than a mile from where I'm sitting, they have not yet, Done A-Changed ... there are miles yet to walk.
Raven, I know. For the moment, the boys were safe. I hope they stay safe.
DeleteAnd Michael Sams becomes the first openly gay player drafted by an NFL team (St. Louis Rams).
ReplyDeleteBex, I'm happy for Michael Sams. Perhaps other gay NFL players will come out of the closet.
DeleteCorrect spelling: Michael Sam.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Bex.
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