THEN
June and Tom - September 13, 1961
AND NOW
Tom and June - September 13, 2011
Folks have asked us the secret of our long life together. Each long-married couple is unique, and what I say here is quite personal and should be read simply as an account of what I believe worked for us. First of all, I believe that we entered into marriage as a commitment for life. We intended for our relationship to endure, through good times and difficult times.
Next, at least for me, I believe it was better that Tom and I were friends first, and falling in love happened over a period of time. With the wisdom of hindsight, I think of the two or three boys and young men with whom I fell - as Jane Austen would say - violently in love. The relationships did not last, and if I had gone on to marry any of them, the marriages probably would not endured. One, I'm quite sure, would have failed rather spectacularly.
We'd never have made it without each of us having a sense of humor, plus neither of us will permit the other to take him/herself too seriously for very long.
We air our differences openly, and it's not always pretty, but when the argument is over, it is done, with no lengthy, pouty silences following.
We enjoy some of the same activities, and we go our different ways other times, which seems to have been good for our relationship.
And that's about it for wisdom from the aged - for now. I'm reminded of Eliot's words:
The only wisdom we can hope to acquire
Is the wisdon of humility: humility is endless.
The pictures are from our brunch/lunch over the weekend when the family gathered to celebrate our anniversary and the September birthdays of four members of the family: my son Patrick, my daughter Alison, my grandson Joey, and me. September seems to be a month for new life in our family. Our celebration was lovely.
The restaurant permitted us to bring our own champagne for a small corking fee. My friend Dennis, the psychologist, who was once a wine-seller, recommended several brands of the bubbly, and I was able to find Taittinger at our local market. I don't care for a good many champagnes, plus some of them give me a headache, but the Taittinger was perfect. Dennis described the brand as having a 'delicate style', which it did, indeed, and everyone enjoyed it. Best of all, I didn't get a headache.
WHAT TOM AND I HAVE WROUGHT
My son Patrick and his children, Joshua and Ashlynn, with cousin William
My daughter-in-law Cindy, their son Joey, and my son Tim
My grandsons Bryan and William, my daughter's boy friend Frank, and my daughter Alison
My grandson Andrew was absent from the gathering because he had scheduled his first driver's education lesson, and he would not, for the world, have missed. We missed not having Andrew with us, but I don't hold his decision against him.
Sunday morning at church, instead of the regular anniversary prayer for Tom and me, Fr Ron, our interim rector, asked the congregation to join with him to say the 'Blessing of a Marriage' from the marriage ceremony in
The Book of Common Prayer. The prayer is lovely, and Tom and I were both quite moved and a bit teary-eyed.
O God, you have so consecrated the covenant of marriage that in it is represented the spiritual unity between Christ and his Church: Send therefore your blessing upon these your servants, that they may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, bless, preserve, and keep you; the Lord mercifully with his favor look upon you, and fill you with all spiritual benediction and grace; that you may faithfully live together in this life, and in the age to come have life everlasting. Amen.
Now you know the occasion for
the dozen golden roses, which Tom had arranged to be on the table when we arrived at the restaurant. The children and Tom went all out for our celebration. I thank them all, and I love them all.
