I planted some bird seed.
A bird came up.
Now I don't know what to feed it
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I had amnesia once---or twice
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I went to San Francisco .
I found someone's heart. Now what?
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Protons have mass?
I didn't even know they were Catholic.
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All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy
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If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
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What is a "free" gift?
Aren't all gifts free?
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They told me I was gullible
and I believed them.
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Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
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Experience is the thing you have left
when everything else is gone.
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One nice thing about egotists:
they don't talk about other people.
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My weight is perfect for my height--
which varies.
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I used to be indecisive.
Now I'm not sure.
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How can there be self-help "groups"?
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If swimming is so good for your figure,
how do you explain whales?
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Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
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Is it me --or
do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
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TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN,
YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE,
SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.
Thanks to my brother-in-law, who promised to send me only his best.
Many of these gave me a smile... thanks Mimi!
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome, Tobias.
DeleteI don't get the sidesaddle thought, but I'm a bit wary of asking for an explanation.
'tis pretty obvious, Grandmere. What part of the anatomy comes into - sometimes quite violent - contact with the hard leather saddle?
DeleteDangly bits on us chaps are rather more vulnerable than the neatly tucked-away parts of you chapesses :-)
As for the 'buffalo wings' quote, I've oft' wondered why, if so many 'exotic' foods taste like chicken, why do we bother eating chickens?
Acolyte of Sagan, see? That's why I didn't ask. I am such an innocent...
DeleteRegarding exotic foods tasting like chicken, I ask why do we bother to eat the exotic foods? Frog legs taste very like chicken. Alligator tastes like a cross between chicken and fish, but I prefer chicken and fish separate, rather than combined in one food.
For some reason, whenever I hear mention of frogs legs I get an image in my mind of lots of amputee frogs fleeing the kitchen in little wheelchairs.
DeleteWhenever we're eating other than vegetarian, we can't allow our imagination to run away with us, or we'd all become vegetarians.
DeleteBetter be wary than not, Mimi :>) I love your collections of wit like this one -- so silly and yet, so undeniable......
ReplyDeleteThanks for the smiles!
nij
Better be wary than not, Mimi :>) I love your collections of wit like this one -- so silly and yet, so undeniable......
ReplyDeleteThanks for the smiles!
nij
Nij, see the result upthread of even mentioning my puzzlement over sidesaddle. I should have been even warier. ;-)
DeleteI love the silly lists, too. They nearly always give me smiles, and a few bring on a belly laugh.
A couple more idle thoughts;
ReplyDeleteWhat does a solo synchronised swimmer actually synchronise with?
Can a bear be bi-polar?
By the way, Grandmere, I've twice tried to leave a post on http://thewoundedbird.blogspot.com/2011/08/sampling-of-sculptures-in-victoria-and.html to clear up a question by another poster, but they've both disappeared. If you can find them, my second attempt is the more accurate answer.
AofS, comments older than a certain age go into the "awaiting moderation" category. Before Blogger's spam filter worked so well, a lot of spam appeared on older posts, but no longer, so I should probably turn off the function. Your comments are now published.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Grandmere. Sorry to be such a pain, I'll try not to comment on too many older posts unless I can help clarify something.
DeleteAofS, I disabled "comment moderation" on older comments since Blogger will catch spam and send it directly to the spam folder.
DeleteAnother random thought;
ReplyDeleteWhy do we spend the first three years of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next fifteen trying to get them to sit down and be quiet?
Thanks again, Grandmere. I'm enjoying reading of your visit to our fair isles; a lot of the places you visited are steeped in ancient legends and myths as well as being historicaly both important and interesting.
DeleteI enjoy going back and reading the posts about my travels. It's almost like having a diary. I traveled in the fair isles three years in a row, if you count Scotland as a fair isle. I hope to do one more trip next year, if I can. My friend Cathy, who lives in London, wants to drive through Cornwall, which I would dearly love to do. She recently bought a house, and she says she would have room for me to stay with her in London, which would save me the cost of expensive lodging in the city.
DeleteWow! Is this the same Grandmere that said "I've loved England since I was a teenager, and I traveled there more times than I can count, but I've made my farewell tour of the lovely country. Good-bye, my English sweets; I'll see you online, or you visit me here in the US." "Flying Fun post on sidebar).
DeleteSo glad you've changed your mind. Would you like me to dig through my old books on the legends of Cornwall and suggest some interesting places to visit off the usual tourist trail; ancient churches with tied legends, maybe? Or preserved sacred places where acts of Christian martyrdom took place, such as St. Catherines Well (in the area, if memory serves); or even the fabled haunts of giants, ghosts and ogres? It would be my pleasure.
And you have to have the local seafood (other than fish and chips) and scones with strawberry jam and dollops of Cornish Clotted Cream, and of course a glass or two of Scrumpy - Cornish cider that is far more potent than it tastes.
The trip last year damned near killed me. I've never been quite the same since. Of course, I was all over the country, partly by train, which can be exhausting. Next time, I will stay in the South, if there is a next time. I'm still not certain.
DeleteSurely, if I go, I would appreciate recommendations on what to see in Cornwall. I love old sacred places and seafood.
Well Grandma, here's a couple for the grandchildren. But practice them first!
ReplyDelete"How do you tell the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison?"
"EASY! You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo!!" (Geddit?)
Now we're up to speed, how about
"How do you tell the difference between a Vilderbeest and a Gnu?"
"EASY! You can't paddle a Vilderbeest!"
I think I'll go and lie down for a few moments,
Charlie Farns-Barns.
Charlie, I'm still working on these, but don't explain just yet.
DeleteCharlie, I get them now, and all on my own. You really must leave the stage. ;-)
DeleteI've got quite a collection of tomes on the folklore, myths and legends of these isles, so I'll dig them out over the next couple of days and see what I can find on both Cornwall and London. If I post my suggestions here, then even if you decide against the trip they'll be here for anybody else with an interest to follow-up on.
ReplyDeleteA final idle thought before bed;
ReplyDeleteWhy are wasps never in a good mood?
Wasps in a bad mood are building a nest on my son's front porch and in the shrubbery near the house, and my grandson is fascinated by them, but he was stung more than once, so I hope he's learned to stay away.
DeleteHat tip to your brother-in-law. These are really fun. And to Acolyte of Sagan. Why are wasps never in a good mood?
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked them, Bonnie.
DeleteI've no idea why, Bonnie, they just seem to be a psychotic species, and one seemingly evolved to spoil picnics to boot. Giving such a species a re-usable sting wasn't clever either. They'd make the ideal subject for one of those "When Evolution Goes Bad" type programmes.
Delete