For Dennis and for all those who have lost loved ones and still miss them:
Death is nothing at all - I have only slipped away into the next room. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Laugh as we always laughed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of your mind because I am out of your sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is past; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before - only better, infinitely happier and forever - we will all be one together with Christ.
Carmelite Monastery, Tallow, County Waterford, Ireland
UPDATE: These words are by Henry Scott-Holland.
erk.
ReplyDeleteSorry.
You might like to have a look at this and this.
Again, sorry. I just hate it.
Sorry about offending you, Rev Sam. Chacun à son goût. I like it, and I've given to others who have liked it. It was given to me by an Episcopal priest, whom I respect a lot.
ReplyDeleteDying can be extremely difficult for the person and their loved ones. I well know that. Those of us left behind are bereft and grieving.
However, these words comforted me and have comforted others. I read your links, and nothing I saw there changes my mind. I hope we are permitted that comfort, even if the words don't line up with your theology or your taste or whatever.
Sam I read your links. I have to say I'm with Mimi on this one. Not because I think that we need more sentimental poems but because one doesn't have to be literal at all about it. No they aren't the same as before. things have changed. But even if they are not with us they remain in our memory and thus in our lives.
ReplyDeleteIf a family member passes a request for a reading to the clergyman, well then my opinion is damned well read it. It is their death and their loss. To be a bit blunt about it, it seems like the worst kind of evangelical hubris to not read the poem because it doesn't conform to current evangelical theology.
Pastoral care trumps right theology, it seems to me.
Perhaps I take this perspective from being a psychotherapist. But think about this: too many people have been damaged and harmed by psychotherapists and shrinks who lecture them to set them right instead of being there and listening and being with them. Why do we think that a clergyman intent on defending true theology in what is a moment of suffering and loss would not do the same damage?
And another question: why do we think that the affirmation of true theology in these moments of pain and sorrow will always make everything better?
Dennis, amen. Death is not necesarily the proper time for a lesson in theology. On the other hand, compassion is always appropriate.
ReplyDeleteAs I said in my original post: "The pastoral is always trumps for me. It leaves me with an unquiet conscience, but rather that than increasing the already great distress amongst those grieving."
ReplyDeleteI don't think we're disagreeing...
Rev Sam, why would you have an unquiet conscience about being pastoral? In my humble opinion, you're too hard on yourself. Your judgement on yourself is likely harsher than God's.
ReplyDeleteThere. That, no doubt, belongs in the bin labeled "Unasked-for Advice".
my comments too belong in the bin labelled "unasked for advice"
ReplyDeleteYou do say that the pastoral always trumps. By the time I had finished the second link I had forgotten that.
I guess it was the second link (by Christopher Idle) that so bothered me. Perhaps that author was a bit too concerned with evangelical rightness over pastoral issues
having lectured clients before and seen the pain I caused I try to watch for this in myself now. Can't say that I am always good about it.
And I am sure you've been with far more families in the immediate moment of grief than I ever will. So, enough with my lecturing on not lecturing people.
I did like the last few lines of the Christopher Idle posting by the way. Did he write those or are they from another source?
I suppose this one is not Christian either, but I love it, and a friend read it at my sister's memorial service. It's quite short, but I can't reproduce it, since it's under copyright. It's titled "Whatever Happens" by Wendell Berry, from his latest collection, Given.
ReplyDeleteUmmm, I like Wendell Berry's poem.
ReplyDeleteShare Cropper, the whole book is full of good poems like that.
ReplyDeleteAh - well, Wendell Berry is both a saint and a genius. It was our friend Canadian Tim who put me onto him, for which I shall be forever grateful.
ReplyDeletePS no advice from Grandmere Mimi is ever unwelcome :o)
Rev Sam, How kind of you to say that about a nosy old lady.
ReplyDeleteI read Shelley at my mother's graveside service, where I also officiated. It was damn hard and still is. Reading this, your offering, Mimi, made me cry and grieve all over again but then, I do it on a regular basis, a few times a day anyway. Thank you so much. I love the Berry poem but then, you know my fondness for his work.
ReplyDeleteCatherine, I'm sorry if I made you cry, but I hope that it was a healing cry. I still grieve for my sister.
ReplyDeleteI talk to her, but she does not answer back - at least, not yet. But then, it hasn't even been a year.