We're back home from Thanksgiving dinner at my daughter's house. Is it just my family, or do others have chaotic gatherings on holidays?
I tend to have my prearranged picture of how things will go. Leisurely hors d'oeuvres and wine sipping, then all of us moving along calmly to the dinner table. Everyone behaves, the food is tasty, and the conversation sparkles.
But, no. The men and the boys rush at the main-meal food as though today's dinner will be their last meal for a long time. Where's this, where's that? I need a spoon! Then an argument ensues about a trip to Disney World which will not take place until February. Once we get those two to postpone the argument to a later time, the dream of leisurely hors d'oeuvres dies, and the rest of us make our way to the dinner table, where some are half finished eating their meals. Grandpère says a blessing, and there we are around the table - all of us - for a brief time. The food is delicious. That part of my ideal picture comes to be.
Afterwards, the adults manage to have something resembling a conversation for a couple of hours, in spite of the football game on TV, and boys wrestling on the floor, and the occasional howl from one of the wrestlers, who has been hurt.
Then, we come home. One holiday past, one to go. Christmas will be at our house. Oh, joy.
Thus endeth the family Thanksgiving saga.
Seriously, one of the things that I am thankful for is that my children live nearby, and that we can be together for our wild family gatherings without long drives or plane trips.
Thanks to all of you for your good wishes for the holiday. I'm thankful for my virtual friends, even the virtual friends whom I have met, to quote Johnieb, "...many of whom aren't that bad in person, on first acquaintance".
So, Mimi? Why should your family gathering be any different from 99 44/100% of America? It was even that way at the Church gathering here today. My dressing, which was the best of course, was not ready until 30 minutes into the feed because some people just couldn't wait till all the food was ready. The poor turkeys didn't even get to rest before the carving began. I'm sorry, but no meat should be cut before resting time has happened!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I wish you Happy Thanksgiving late in the day, even if I did earlier and just can't remember!
Susan, no, it should not be different from the gatherings of the vast majority of other families. What I truly need is a permanent adjustment to my expectations. You'd think I'd learn after all these years.
ReplyDeleteYour gathering took a similar turn, I see. C'est la vie.
ours is chaotic too, partly because our kitchen/dining area is really too small to host more than 2 other people. so we only had seven but we were bumping elbows all the time, and the food barely fits in the oven. and the teenagers whine that they want to go home and meet up with boy or girl friends.
ReplyDeleteso...happy thanksgiving anyway!
food still turned out reasonably well
Big family = chaos. Glad you survived! You've earned an extra nap for tomorrow, I think.
ReplyDeleteWe had a small quiet Thanksgiving here, at my good friends' place. The food and conversation were great and the chaos was minimal. But that's this year. :-)
We avoided families this year and served dinner instead at our church's women and children's shelter. It was lovely, and meaningful, and everyone was very well behaved. We're planning to make it an annual tradition.
ReplyDeleteSorry your Thanksgiving wasn't quite up to what you had hoped. But you also have the blessing of those wrestling kids on the floor, which we would love to have, but ~sigh~ don't. Irritating as it may be, it must also be a blessed noise.
Love comin' to ya this Thanksgiving weekend (as my computer tells me the day is over, but you're in a different time zone, so I guess I can still say Happy Thanksgiving!). :)
Happy Thanksgiving, Grandmère!
ReplyDeleteWe get it easy since my partner's sister-in-law has decided Thanksgiving is "her thing", and requires little of others; hors d'oeuvres are served, and eaten. The meal, excellent. The location is ideal, in a log home, out in the woods, not far from where Brother Dennis lives (Near Silverdale, Dennis.).
However, my partner's brother is a self-proclaimed atheist, so there's no prayer at the beginning of the meal, and though as "liberal" as I've become in a post-evangelical way over the past many years, I do like a prayer before Thanksgiving meal, and miss that.
I've described our dinner conversation over at the Mad One's place in the thread regarding Lipscombe. Sorry I missed that brouhaha.
KJ, you probably drove right past our house on your way to Silverdale (unless you came through Bainbridge and Poulsbo). You should have stopped by! We had plenty of extra wine (I made sure of that) and more than enough food for folks to drop by!
ReplyDeleteAnd you would have been proud: Before we ate _I_ was the one who said grace. Surprised?
(Of course I just picked a nice collect from the BCP.)
Our Thanksgivings are usually relatively quiet because the noisier part goes to his family gathering.
ReplyDeleteWe were quieter than usual because my nephew stayed in SF with his intended's family. He had the noisy day as her family is Chinese/Vietnamese/Mexican and Jay. He said they all talk at once except her father who doesn't talk at all. I'm curious to meet this bunch. Jay said they tried turkey last year but said it didn't work at all with all the usual Asian trappings. The family runs a Vietnamese restaurant. This year they are doing a turkey-only thanksgiving for the first time. We'll hear how it went later today.
Grandmère Mimi, you are NOT old. Well seasoned perhaps but definitely not old.
I see that the ups and downs and large and small of Thanksgiving meals are represented here in all their diversity.
ReplyDeleteJane, small, quiet is good, too.
Suzer, it was good that you served at the shelter - way to go.
Yes, despite the chaos, I love having the children around, especially since I no longer have the major responsibility for them - most of the time, anyway.
Diane, I can see you squeezing past each other and trying to fit all the food in the oven. We've had the oven problem, too, and we solved it by cooking most of the dishes, except the turkey, the day before.
KJ, didn't you mumble a prayer under your breath?
Dennis, I want some of your wine.
Piskie, past three score and ten, I felt I could begin to say "old" and make no bones about it.
I've learned that Thanksgiving Day requires about as much planning as the invasion of Normandy.
ReplyDeleteYou have to do as much as possible in advance. My partner decorates and sets the table two days ahead of time. All those things that taste better the next day anyhow are good the day before and just reheated. I put post-it notes on pots and dishes so those wonderful people who come into the kitchen saying "Can I help?" can figure out something to do while I fix the gravy.
It took years of chaos, but finally I feel like I enjoy Thanksgiving.
Our last family dinner took place at our place around a table we inherited from an aunt and uncle. My whole family has decided to take ownership of my table (my mother, my sister, my brother ...) because it is a family heirloom. You wouldn't believe the fun around that.
ReplyDeleteWe inherited the table because of our family gatherings - loud, boisterous, full of laughter, and frequent. I wouldn't have it any other way. It means we're alive and well.
Love and Prayers,
Ann Marie
John, I could start a week ahead, and we would have chaos, because of the children, five boys and one girl.
ReplyDeletePlus, the adults are pretty wild, crazy, loud, and uncontrollable, too.
Ann Marie, you understand. Lots of laughter comes with our boisterousness.
I have fond memories of my first two Thanksgivings away from family. One was on my semester abroad and my fellow American students plotted to surprise our sponsor/chaperone professor with an American Thanksgiving dinner. The French families we were all living with inquired about which cheeses we served. Quel horreur, pas de fromage?!!! We got quite drunk, had fun, sang songs, and were silly. The second was with friends in Los Angeles and the food was wonderful and the fellowship great. No kids to add chaos.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was young we had huge family gatherings with aunts, uncles, cousins, and tons of food: the whole marshalled by my mother who was a force of nature. In later years I realized my family had lost, if it really had, the gift of celebration and family holidays could never be other than depressing for me. Holidays with friends had more true gratitude, delight, joy, and laughter. It seems my ex's family is beginning to resemble mine, which is most unfortunate.
However it happens, may be be with people we love and celebrate all that is good. As the Thanksgiving epistle says (and I am quoting KJV from memory here): whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things. Amen.
Paul, I am now the matriarch of the family, the only survivor of my nuclear family. The holidays are somewhat bittersweet, because of the missing physical presence of so many who have gone before.
ReplyDeleteMy childhood family celebrations were huge, with grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins. Our circle is much smaller, with only 13 now, down one since my son's divorce. It was their mother's turn to have the children, so my son's children were missing, too.
Your quote from Philippians is apt. Celebrate love and all that is good.
I AM proud of you Dennis. I can just imagine the reaction I would have received if I had used a collect.
ReplyDeleteYes, Grandmère, I managed a "God bless our food. Amen"
Mimi, I am not surprised to read that you are the matriarch--you are certainly a force of nature online.
ReplyDeleteThere is sadness when we not what is no longer and who no longer is with us and what can never be again. But oh, the wonders that lie ahead, the new surprises, the new gifts, the new life. Since my (first) seminary days I have believed that God is out front luring us forward, not somewhere in the past.
I am quite happy with festive meals in the range of 8-14 persons and have no nostalgia about 30+.
And then there was the Thanksgiving Day when we discovered that our next door neighbor had died...some time before. That should stifle any appetite we have left over after yesterday's excesses.
I have believed that God is out front luring us forward, not somewhere in the past.
ReplyDeleteAnd this is why I am so drawn to process theology, Paul. That's the vision I have of God too...
My own Thanksgiving was bittersweet. My kids are with my ex, which was a bit hard. And I spent the day with someone special---and with his children, his ex-wife, and his ex-inlaws.
I was a ball of nerves ahead of time, but they could not have been more gracious and welcoming. They raved over my sweet potato casserole, and the ex-wife and I had a really wonderful chat about work, church politics, and books, while my friend (her ex) succumbed to the tryptophan in the turkey and fell asleep in front of the obligatory ball game. It was rather surreal, but gratifying.
As I wasn't sure whether or not *I* would be the turkey to be carved up, I had more than a few things to be thankful for yesterday...
(I must add that I had a chance to decline the invitation---he offered to have Thanksgiving dinner for just the two of us. But his daughter was newly married, and anxious to host the Feast, and I didn't want him to miss out. I'm glad I insisted that we go---a good time was had by all. Thanks be to God!)
KJ, love, I knew you had sneaked in a mumbled prayer.
ReplyDeleteWhoa! Y'all know I like to answer every comment, but these last two are hea-vee. Paul and Doxy, I need some time to digest them before I can answer.
Ah, Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter gobbled her food because (as it turned out) her boyfriend was waiting out in the car. My son came to dinner with no shirt because ALL his clothing was in the wash.
Gotta love this family stuff. Or not!
Welcome, Judith. Another librarian, I see.
ReplyDeleteBoyfriend waiting in the car? I guess your daughter did gobble her turkey. Gobble, gobble.
And your son with ALL his clothes in the wash? That's much more interesting than my story. It wasn't quite all his clothes, was it? He was clothed halfway, right?
Diane at Faith in Community has a wonderful sermon that made me rethink my attitude about my Thanksgiving day. Diane says:
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, on that Thanksgiving Eve, as I looked out over my congregation in that little church – which has, by the way, since closed its doors – I saw the faces of people who were both tired and grateful. They were tired from their hard work of bringing in the harvest, but they were grateful because they saw clearly that during the past year were not only sorrows they did not deserve, but also blessings – big and small. "In everything give thanks." "If anything is worthy of praise, think about these things."
Paul, you quoted that same passage from Philippians and, in your second comment, you said the words that caught Doxy's attention, too:
I have believed that God is out front luring us forward, not somewhere in the past.
It strikes me now that in my focus on those who were not present at our celebration, I may have missed the full pleasure in the company of those who were there. Mea culpa.
Rejoice always....In everything give thanks.
Those words are right and true.
Doxy, that's a beautiful story. Despite your attack of nerves - which was quite understandable under the circumstances - "a good time was had by all". Thanks be to God, indeed!
That is the advantage of celebrating Thanksgiving with just my brother, sister-in-law and nephew. It tends to be orderly, no one rushes, and we get the chance to enjoy each others' company.
ReplyDeleteChristmas gatherings are still fairly large, but have lost their distinctive flavor since Mom died, as, after Midnight Mass, she would always raise her glass in her traditional Christmas toast, "To the deaths of our enemies in the New Year!"
Mark, your mother must have been quite a lady. You made me laugh out loud with her toast quote.
ReplyDeleteThe lesson is, whether the gathering is large or small, enjoy the people and the celebration, and give thanks to God.