The latest update to the Pharisaios Journal from the Diocese of Wenchoster is out! Here is the Gospel for the second Sunday of Lent according to the Wenchoster Bible:
John 3: 1-10.
1. And behold, there was a man named Nicodemus, one of the Jews and very bearded with an tall hat. And cometh he unto Jesus at night.
2. And He sayeth unto him, Wither dost thou come unto me at night, for verily it is dark and spooky.
3. And Nicodemus nodded, for it was indeed so.
4. Then sayeth he unto Jesus, Rabbi, could’st not thou run that bit about being born again by me once more?
5. And behold, it was done. Yet he was still perplexed.
6. Look! Sayeth Jesus unto him, Think of it like the wind. It bloweth when it wants to.
7. And Nicodemus did agree, saying, Lo! Mine does.
8. And He proceeded to open the window.
9. Then said Jesus unto him, Now wither does it go?
10. Yet Nicodemus answered him not, for it was exceeding late, and still dark.
I had not heard of this version of the Bible before today. Live and learn, even in old age.
I wanted to highlight the words of another of the contributors to the journal, but Bishop Roderick Codpecium's words are so right for the season that I felt compelled to quote him once again. From The Bishop's Column:
Hello! End how is the Linten farst going for you? Mane is most difficult, as each day I wristle with temptat-i-ons in may study, end fall to may knees in prar. I awlways think thet Satan moves most cunningly in the hars of the nate, end thet is when I must awlways be on may guard lest he prevail in a moment of wickness, of which there are an arthly few.
The story of Nicodemus coming to Our Lawd et nate is a tale thet fortifies me, yet fills me with many quest-i-ons. Way et nate? What was on his mained? Was anyone else in the hice et the tame? We will niver know the answers, yet the imagined scene of Jesus end a mysterious bearded cliric chewing the theologicel fet intrigues me. Et three o’clock in the morning it gives me hope! What else is there to do et thet har?
Be sober, be vigilint!
+ Roderick Codpiecium
A Pictorial Lesson For Thurifers
And last, but not least, a sampling of a Lenten hymn from Wenchoster, with what I believe to be original lyrics. Editors, please correct me if I'm wrong about the lyrics:
LENTEN FAST
Once again that time is hear, (sic)
Time for introspective thought.
Time to dwell on sin in fear,
And forgiveness that is sought.
Naughty days and naughty nights,
Things we ought not, yet have done.
Things we’ve said, illegal rites,
Those good works we’ve ne’er begun. (Cont.)
At the site, you will find all of the verses, and if you click on the musical note, you can sing along to the tune of "Forty Days and Forty Nights".
There's more, so much more at the website, more wonderful captioned illustrations, more words of wisdom from other members of the cathedral staff, un véritable embarras de richesses.
The censing instructions omit Alcibiades' Law - "clockwise Northern Hemisphere"; "counterclockwise Southern". Or is it "clockwise Northern Hemisphere .......?
ReplyDeleteLapin, how the hell would I know? I just copy these things. You're the expert.
ReplyDeleteThe "Alcibiades' Law" reference is to blog correspondence I had a few weeks back with the fine Australian blogger Alcibiades ("Caliban's Lair"), who cited the "Northern Hemisphere Clockwise, Southern Hemisphere Counter Clockwise" (or maybe vice-versa?) law of draining plughole water rotation in a post. At some point in our childhoods most of us were taught this as fact. Unfortunately - among other things because it may be the only thing taught in Physics class that I still remember - as I pointed out to Alcibiades in a follow-up post, it turns out to be an urban legend.
ReplyDeleteIn response, he went for the empirical approach. He filled the kitchen sink and drained it twelve times, observing the direction of plughole spin every time it drained. It drained clockwise six times and counterclockwise the remaining six, an impressive demonstration of another law - that of Averages.
Lapin, I tried it for myself, and I could not tell in which direction the water drained. I filled up a lavatory sink and a kitchen sink.
ReplyDeleteThe toilet flushed counter-clockwise in three tries. I'm wasting a lot of water here.
Water shortage in New Orleans?
ReplyDeleteI'm not in New Orleans. There's no shortage of water here, either, but we still have to pay.
ReplyDeleteOh this is so very "Mad Priest" isn't it???
ReplyDeleteLove the Wenchoster Bible. I also love the Monty Python Old Testament, an example of which follows:
ReplyDelete...And spotteth twice they the camels before the third hour, and so, the Midianites went forth to Ram Gilead in Kadesh Bilgemath, by Shor Ethra Regalion, to the house of Gash-Bil-Bethuel-Bazda, he who brought the butter dish to Balshazar and the tent peg to the house of Rashomon, and there slew they the goats, yea, and placed they the bits in little pots. Here endeth the lesson.
-from Monty Python's Meaning of Life, school chapel scene.
Fran, the naughtiness in the journal is a bit more subtle, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteYea, PJ, an exceeding good Bible lesson from the Pythons.
"Roderick Codpecium" is not too terribly subtle where I come from, Mimi.
ReplyDeleteWhile we're on the Pythons, let's not forget "Blessed are the Cheese-makers".
"Blessed are the Cheese-makers":
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiDmMBIyfsU
"Roderick Codpecium" is not too terribly subtle where I come from, Mimi.
ReplyDeleteLapin, hold on. One does not have to be all that subtle to be more subtle than MadPriest.
Loved the Python "Sermon on the Mount".
I was stunned to find the road that runs along the South edge of the Old City was "Cheesemakers Way". And "Cleese" was "Cheese" until John's Grandpa changed it when going into the army.
ReplyDeleteI find all this as subtle as a passage from the Book of Armaments which begins, if memeory serves,
"Bless, O Lord, this Thy Holy Hand Grenade, that with it we may blow Thy enemies into tiny bits, In Thy mercy."
Always reminds me of Chaplains in Vietnam blessing pallets of 105 rounds. (Artillery shells)
I like the explanation, in response to "what's so special about the cheesemakers?", "Well, obviously, this is not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturers of dairy products."
ReplyDeleteSubtle or not, it's all good. Anything that makes me laugh out loud is good, although I'll allow that my taste in humor may not be the height of sophistication
ReplyDeleteI'm rather enjoying the thought of "naughty days and naughty nights."
ReplyDelete