Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knicker's.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' ......Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!
From the darling daughter.
Ah, I see she inherited your wicked sense of humor.
ReplyDeleteMy father of blessed memory always said that the reason we become forgetful as we get older is not because there's anything wrong with our memories or our minds, it's because we have so much more damn stuff to remember.
ReplyDeleteAs I walk through this neighborhood largely inhabited by people half my age, I recall the wise words of GB Shaw;
"Youth is such a wonderful thing! What a shame to see it wasted on the young!"
Counterlight, there's truth in what both Shaw and your father said. I do wish that I'd had more wisdom in my youth. My university education was pretty much wasted on me then. I'm largely self-taught since that period.
ReplyDeleteRuth, maybe not as wicked as her mama, but she's getting there.
ReplyDelete"My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely."
ReplyDeleteMe too, me too.
Et tu, DP? A mere youngster like you. Say it isn't so!
ReplyDeleteOn the principle of chocolate and weight gain:
ReplyDeleteMy father used to say "a pint's a pound the world around," by which mnemonic he instilled in me the knowledge that both have sixteen ounces in them.
However....
Sixteen ounces (by volume) of ice cream seems to add more than sixteen ounces (of weight) to me.
Now that you have revealed these things as mysteries but certainties I can quit fighting it.
Sixteen ounces (by volume) of ice cream seems to add more than sixteen ounces (of weight) to me.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely.
My job here is to dispense wisdom that reveals the certainties of the mysteries of the world so we can all stop fighting them and worrying about them. Thank you for articulating that so well for me, Paul.