Thursday, October 30, 2008

IMPORTANT HEALTH ISSUE FOR WOMEN

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?


If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.

Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas.

However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.


Side effects may include:

- Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration

- Erotic lustfulness

- Loss of motor control

- Loss of clothing

- Loss of money

- Loss of virginity

- Attraction to the same sex

- Table dancing

- Headache

- Dehydration

- Dry mouth

- And a desire to sing Karaoke


WARNING #1 :

The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING #2:

The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING #3:

The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING #4:

The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.


My addendum: Gay men are excluded from that last statement.

I'm not supposed to tell you this, but Jane's book was written under the influence and empowerment of Margaritas.

From my daughter.

17 comments:

  1. Darn, I got that from my friend and was saving it for my "Found Friday" post. Now everyone will think I stole it from you. Just can't win. I love it. j

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jay, go ahead and post it. I don't even look around to see if my blog friends have these things. Sorry to steal your thunder.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love it! I felt many of these things in Sycamore, Illinois last April at a lovely little Mexican Restaurant called Taxco! Yes I felt these things, but behaved in a very demur manner(for me) as I was with my son.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Better when served on Tabasco placemats.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Have I mentioned that margaritas are my drink of choice?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Susan, the presence of clergy can put a damper on the fun times.

    Rmj, The Margaritas are definitely best served on Tabasco placemats.

    Doxy, dear, what makes you think I didn't have you in mind?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Headache - you betcha!! Can't go near them without getting one. Oh well - always one wimp in the group.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Snort!

    I brought that on myself, didn't I?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Somebody sent me a video of this, or was it just audio? Sorry, don't remember and no, I don't drink this early in the day, but it's hilarious. I tried to find it on YouTube with no luck. Will send it if I find it. Glad to get the transcript.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Heh-heh. I've already stolen this, Mimi.

    Off-topic, a request: can you adjust your Blogger, to make your comment threads the Pop-Open (in separate, halfpage-wide size) kind? [See re Tobias, Fran, Friends-of-Jake, and "Princess", of course!]

    Especially w/ dial-up, it's nice to not have to reload the main page, after commenting...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh good Lord, Susan. You went to a Mexican restaurant in Illinois ?!

    I'm so sorry...

    [our family's rule: never, ever eat at a Mexican restaurant in a state that doesn't border Mexico]

    ReplyDelete
  12. Well, David, I hate to break it to you, but there are good Mexican restaurants all over the USA! Many Mexicans settled(and have at least one generation now born in this country) in Chicago and surrounding environs, including the outlying towns, more than likely for the same reason other folks move out from the Big Cities, to get to smaller, better, public schools. The schools even offer classes on Mexican history and culture including Mariachi bands, etc. The food was excellent as was the Margarita. It was very interesting that most of the wait staff(I am in California where we are very PC) are Anglo, but the kitchen staff are all family members of the owner, including his mother, who makes the most delicious tortillas hot off the griddle.

    I have also eaten at two MRs Tennessee, of all places. And the food was more than passable even there.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I forgot to say, the food was so delicious that we ate there thrice in 6 days...(I love the word thrice and hardly ever get to use it!) When the proprieter found out I was from California, he asked me if there was anything not on the menu that he could cook for me, but I was perfectly satisfied with the choices available, including the Margarita!

    ReplyDelete
  14. All right you Texas chauvinist! You come on up to Raleigh, and I'll take you to Dos Taquitos, which is run by a Latino family (who cook AND wait the tables) and rivals anything I've had in Texas or California...

    ReplyDelete
  15. There's wonderful Mexican food in Michigan (for example), David.

    Thought about my "suggestion" (re Pop-Open comment threads), Mimi?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hey! I thought we were talking about Margaritas. I wasn't going to get into the Mexican food discussion, but, what the hell. We have a pretty good Mexican restaurant here in Thibodaux. The Mexican family who owns it has adapted their cooking somewhat to local tastes, so that it's not pure Mexican, but I still think it's good.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Here's the link to the video, thanks to Kirkepiscatoid.

    ReplyDelete

Anonymous commenters, please sign a name, any name, to distinguish one anonymous commenter from another. Thank you.