Confession
A local priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had also stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his best friend's wife, and taken illicit drugs. I was appalled. "But as the days
went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and said:
"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived. In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession."
Moral: Never, never, NEVER-EVER be late.
Alternative Moral: Never, never, NEVER-EVER be a politician!
I presume that the politician is British, because the joke comes with "honour" spelled with the useless "u". Any of you folks "over there" know his name?
Thanks to Erika.
British or the Rev'd Dr Troll.
ReplyDeleteI thought of Fr Christian, but I believe that he will never retire. He will die in harness, or perhaps be assumed into heaven without dying. He's a special case.
ReplyDeleteFr Troll's latest post contains a brilliant, concise analysis of why Canterbury is not about to recognize ACNA - "If there's one thing not written in ancient Welsh that ++Cantaur really does understand it's this: giving ACNA what they want will only put every other wingnut in the Communion on a plane to Lambeth in the hope that they’ll also get their own “parallel” piece of turf".
ReplyDeleteEnuf of the eusless "u" already! What about your praktiss of dropping the "h" on "herbs"?
ReplyDeleteLapin, as I said at Fr Christian's place, what about the Church of England and the Church in Wales? Are there groups lying in wait to request their own provinces?
ReplyDeleteSR, you English are near perfect. Gimme a break. We need something to razz you about.
Aren't you supposed to be writing your sermon?
Hi, all--
ReplyDeleteI believe that this is actually not originally a joke, in the ordinary sense, but rather an old hortatory story for the clergy about the importance of keeping the secrecy of the confessional absolute. At least, that was the context in which I first heard it almost 40 years ago, along with the one about the two priests on a desert island who fall into the uncanonical habit of hearing each other's confessions. Finally, after some years of this, Smith confesses to Jones that he's not really a priest at all. Jones gives him counsel and assigns an appropriate penance. They conclude the service, Smith stands up to go, and Jones kneels and says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." Moral, again: the secret is absolute.
You're all wrong: it's actually an important warning against the folly of clergy who wastefully ignore God-given opportunities to blackmail their local secular authorities.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're quite right, Grandmère, I shall never retire: as with Elijah I shall one day be lifted bodily into Heaven. Where I can assure you everyone spells "honour" with a "u" nearly all the time.
4 May, if the joke is meant to be a lesson, then it's right on target.
ReplyDeleteOooh, look who's here! Fr Christian, what an honour to have you visit my humble blog. You see. I spelled the word properly.
You help me see that there's another side to the seal of confession thingy.
And I just knew that you were one of those special people.
Hey. We spell honour correctly up here in Canada as well.
ReplyDeleteWe also play football with the proper number of downs, the proper size field and without that scandalous fair catch rule which renders US football a game for small children.
Malcolm, I didn't know that you Canadians were out of sync, too.
ReplyDeleteNo argument from me about the stupid football.