Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Rules For Grilling - From Guest-Poster Paul (A.)

(although the original calls it BBQ for some unknown reason)


BBQ RULES
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine . . .
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three-yard exclusion zone where the exuberance and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine . . .
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine . . .
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off," and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some
women.


Cheers,

Paul (A.)


Also posted at OCICBOV.

15 comments:

  1. Of course, in some households the two men begin working on sauces two days ahead, appetizers and desserts the day before, decide which colored non-linen tablecloth goes best with BBQ sauce, iron the napkins, choose the napkin rings; on the day itself finish tidying up, slow cook the ribs and brisket on indirect heat for three hours, dish up the appetizers with garni, welcome guests, serve drinks, start grilling the hot links and marinated vegetables while the other meat rests, etc. YMMV

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  2. I want to go to that BBQ, Paul

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  3. Paul, I see that Paul (A.) left out the rules for a far superior type of BBQ. One size does NOT fit all.

    And I want to be invited the alternative BBQ, too.

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  4. I do the grilling in my family. Which I guess means I do ALL the work! ;-)

    I either want to be invited to Paul's cookout, or make reservations...

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  5. Could I get an invitation as well, Paul?

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  6. It is, alas, a fading memory of years when I was partnered and we hosted together, tinged - I do confess it - with a touch of fantasy. BBQ is the one situation where we really did use paper napkins for obvious reasons. I loved cooking and entertaining together but I just don't cook for myself. He and I still collaborate on occasion.

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  7. I am with you Doxy--none of those dainty boy's rules.

    I have already done a Texas BBQ for the parish--smoked 2 briskets, Made the the beans and coleslaw to go with. I even brought the beer and these Lutherans didn't even drink it. Now I know I am in the WRONG denomination

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  8. And I corrected the line breaks here, as sweet Dennis did at OCICBOV. I was in a rush this morning.

    Doxy and Muthah, you are awesome. Muthah, I assure you that your beer would not have been left untasted at one of our parish cookouts.

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  9. Paul, my love -- SOO glad you cleared it up. I was going to say: IRONED THE NAPKINS??!! Evil in terms of global warming and general goodness. (I just had an Alpha Dinner person tell me that because it was "for God" it was important to have linen napkins and table cloths -- she is totally sincere and does wonderful stuff for us -- but I doubt God's fondness for linen)

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  10. "doubt God's fondness for linen"?

    Don't let the Altar Guild hear that!

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  11. It's mixing the fabrics that God doesn't like. No linen and polyester.

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  12. Amen, Mimi. God don't like shatnes.

    Not for BBQ, susankay, but I do iron linen napkins for major feasts. I find it enjoyable (perhaps because I don't have to do it often, you think?). I am sure God is indifferent but I love ironend table linens. White linen with lots of starch. Mmmmmmm. (I believe at least some of you heard the story of when I had white linens and mole sauce. If you haven't heard the story, I am sure you can imagine.)

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  14. David, I don't think so. It's not that kind of BBQ.

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