These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - ForrestTucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - MaeWest
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
From Doug. I needed a laugh.
See 2 by the marvellous Oscar Wilde. Have you seen the Vatican is actually endorsing him now. Will wonders never cease?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.smh.com.au/world/vatican-admits-to-love-of-wilde-it-dared-not-speak-20090717-do9o.html
Brian, I thought you were joking about the Vatican and Wilde, but it's true. Will wonders never cease, indeed?
ReplyDeleteThose are delicious! Thanks for sharing them!
ReplyDeleteWonderful. A few I've heard before, but what a great collection. Wish I had the wit.
ReplyDeleteSome of them are deliciously wicked. Ah, bad me.
ReplyDeleteChurchill supposedly said about Clement Atlee,
ReplyDelete"A modest man, who has much to be modest about."
Atlee may have gotten the last laugh. He was an honorary pall bearer at Churchill's funeral.
Counterlight, I don't know. Despite his indulgence in drinks and cigars, Churchill lived to be 90, and Atlee died at 84. I looked that up, in case you're wondering.
ReplyDeleteChurchill died in 1965, Atlee in 1967. He may well have been there.
ReplyDeleteFrom 20th Century Voice:
ReplyDeleteThe honorary pall bearers were: Earl Attlee, the Earl of Avon, Lord Bridges, Lord Ismay, Mr. Harold Macmillan (later 1st Earl of Stockton, Viscount Macmillan of Ovenden), Sir Robert Menzies, Admiral of the Fleet Earl Mountbatten of Burma, Lord Normanbrook, Marshal of the R.A.F Viscount Portal of Hungerford, Field Marshal Viscount Slim, Field Marshal Sir Gerald Templer and Field Marshall Earl Alexander of Tunis.
I though y'all would like to know. See why I spend so much time at the computer? One thing leads to another. This time it's all your fault, Counterlight.
You can purchase a book on Churchill's funeral at the link. I don't do things by half.
Once a librarian, always a librarian.
ReplyDeleteNobody does splendid send-offs like the Brits. They gave Winston Churchill a magnificent one. I loved the part where they were taking him back up the Thames on a boat, and all the dock cranes dipped in salute.
These are great!
ReplyDeleteI believe that Churchill also was reported to have a wonderful exchange with some Lady Lah Lah that went something like this...
Sir W "You are the ugliest woman I have ever seen.'
Lady LL, "Sir, you are drunk."
Sir W "Yes, but in the morning, I will be sober.
You, my dear, will still be ugly."
Or something like that... Lapin will know, I'm sure!
Counterlight, my most vivid memory is of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" resounding in St. Paul's Cathedral. The hymn was a special request by Churchill himself - or so I've heard. Of course, I could be wrong, because I have not done my librarian duties on researching that bit of trivia.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, Susan, I've heard that one, too.
And Lapin is a retired librarian, too. Once a librarian....
No Lady LL but Bessie Braddock the first female boxer in Parliament.
ReplyDeleteSo it's pretty awful, really...
"The covers of this book are too far apart" - review by Ambrose Bierce.
ReplyDelete