LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot 's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, 'My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,' he announced triumphantly, 'and she turned into a telephone pole!'
GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?'
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw up.'
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?'
'No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.'
HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?'
One child blurted out, 'Aces!'
MOSES AND THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother, 'What did you learn in Sunday School today?'
'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.'
'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his Mother asked.
'
Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!'
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Ricky was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous... When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know.'
UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.
'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. 'I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.'
'So, how come He doesn't?' she asked.
BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?'
The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's in bed!'
UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews.
Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?'
Tommy answered soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!'
TIME TO PRAY
A pastor asked a little boy, 'Do you say your prayers every night?'
'Yes, sir.' the boy replied.
'And, do you always say them in the morning, too?' the pastor asked.
'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.'
SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer,' said his mother.
'I don't need to,' the boy replied.
'Of course, you do,' his mother insisted. 'We always say a prayer before eating at our house.'
'That's at our house,' Johnny explained. 'But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!'
Thanks to Bob.
Some oldies but goodies. Always give me a smile!
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year!
Happy New Year, Tobias.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite is "Thank God he's in bed!" because I know the feeling. I said a slightly different version of the prayer many a night. "Thank God they're in bed!"
I suspect every parent can relate to "Thank God they are in bed!"
ReplyDeleteMy mom used to want to visit wherever it was my brothers and I moved. She was not seeking to approve the place, merely to know where safe and abed was and how it looked.
Happy New Year!
FWIW
jimB
Jim, in the early years, the end of the prayer might have been, "Thank God they're in bed and quiet!", while in the late teen years, the end of the prayer changed to, "Thank God they're in bed and safe!"
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year.
I've always enjoyed the bit about grandma knows how to cook, though my mother and grandmothers were all good cooks.
ReplyDeleteHaving just had our 2 and 5 year old grandsons with us for 8 days we know all about Thank God they're in bed....Quiet... I thought I heard something....no... they're ok....oh no, they're awake again....
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year!
Delightful. I liked the "untimely answered prayer" I can imagine that really happening. Although it might not be as bad as Izzie snoring loudly during my sermons.
ReplyDeletePaul, my mother was a good cook, but my grandmother was a GREAT cook. None of us have been able to duplicate her dishes, and, of course, the recipes were all in her head and never written down.
ReplyDeleteErika, at those ages especially, the kiddies' bedtime is welcome, and, so often, especially when they're away from their normal routines, they don't stay asleep.
Amelia, how sad that Izzie sometimes shows no respect for what I'm positive is the brilliance of your sermons.
In the teen years, I sometimes noted, "Thank God they are in bed and alone!"
ReplyDeleteFWIW
jimB
Jim, I found out many years later, when my grown-up children began to confess, that there was more going on in my house than I knew.
ReplyDeleteAs for the things children share in church or other inconvenient gatherings, my mother used to say, "Out of the mouths of babes come things we probably should not have said aloud in the first place."
ReplyDeleteI have a friend whose sweet three year old was asked to share her favorite song in a very fundamentalist congregation. She did, too, to the shock of the members and the chagrin of her family. It was a quite realistic rendition, complete with hip movements, of Rod Stewart's "If you think I'm sexy, and you want my body, come-on baby tell me so." (Mom liked MTV!) The next Sunday they had found a new church home.
Oh my, Boocat. That'a a good one.
ReplyDeleteMy son's story pales in comparison. He was asked to take a recording of a Christmas carol to school, if he had one. He took "Joy to the World" by Three Dog Night. His teacher told him that the song was not a carol. Indeed it is not.