His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan.
"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.
"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman.
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The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. "
"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."
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"Hey Patrick, do I hear you spitting in the vase on the mantelpiece?"
"No, Nora, but I'm getting closer all the time!"
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Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk!!
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Mike lay dying on his bed when his wife Brigid came in to him and asked if there was anything he wanted.
Mike said "Brigid, what is that delicious smell coming from the kitchen?"
And Brigid replied "Oh Mike that is a ham I am baking."
Mike thought, and said "Brigid, as my dying wish I would love to have some of that ham you're cooking."
Then Brigid said "Oh Mike, I'm saving that for the wake!!"
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"Did you hear that Flanagan invented an invisible deodorant?"
"No, what good is it ?"
"Well if you use, you vanish and no one knows where the smell is coming from!"
AS YOU SLIDE DOWN THE BANISTER OF LIFE, MAY THE SPLINTERS NEVER POINT IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.
Mimi, I think this is actually the silliest collection of Irish jokes I have ever seen gathered together, congratulations.
ReplyDeleteI liked the first two especially.
Along the same lines:
ReplyDeleteHave you heard about the Irish boomerang?
It doesn't come back, it just sings songs about how much it wants to.
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There's a new Irish restaurant being built in town. They're going to serve gourmet 7-course Irish meals. Everyone who comes in gets a potato and a six-pack.
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What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime?
Paddy O'Furniture!
Yay for the silliest!
ReplyDeleteBrigid is brutal, no?
Paul (A.), yours are even sillier, but I'm rolling on the floor.
ReplyDeleteBrigid is definitely brutal, specially because she don't give the impression she's really saving it for the wake either, my suspicion is she's going to scoff most of it herself.
ReplyDeletePaul (A.), that third joke of yours got a very loud groan from me.
ReplyDelete