Every year I wrestle with how to balance the almost idolatrous honoring of mothers by the greeting card, flower, and gift industries and the reality of “mother” for many. While many have wonderful mothers whom they wish to honor, others had abusive mothers and flee from activities on Mothers’ Day that only salts their wounds. Those who wanted to have children and could not and those whose children have died also find it difficult to sit through a service when the focus is on something they have yearned for or lost.
...and suggests alternatives. Read comments in which folks explore other ideas about the day.
I confess that the Hallmark Mother's Day no longer appeals to me, or perhaps it never did. When my children were young, all I wanted was not to have to cook on Mothers' Day and my birthday. That was a sufficient gift and one I demanded loudly and repeatedly as the day approached.
The whole mothers' day thing has been a process for me. As someone who never had children, I've made a journey through feelings of inadequacy, irritation, jealousy, and finally acceptance. I admire many women who are mothers and grandmothers. I'm grateful to have my own mom here still. And there is a role that I play as an aunt, teacher, and friend of the family that is gratifying in its own way. Our parish has started welcoming a group of young mothers in recovery - and it'll be nice to see some hearts-and-flowers sentimentality lavished on them tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteThat is sweet of your church Mary. My essay came from trying to be all things to all people on that day as the priest. It is not like a lot of Hallmark holidays that can just be ignored. I was exploring stuff that might work or has worked. Thanks for posting it Mimi. One friend told me he loved to watch the people who came to church on that one day because their mothers asked them to - "a brave unit of people dragged into church as an offering to their mothers"
ReplyDeleteMary, what your church does to celebrate the day is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI should have started by saying I'm grateful for the essay, because the feelings cited are real, and I've witnessed them myself. And there is a combination of secular and religious celebration that might seem (to some) unkind to ignore. Valentine's Day is another annoying (to me) holiday, but our Sunday School makes cards for shut-ins. So I think a little subversion helps take the commercial/social sting out of these otherwise phony holidays. (Because I can imagine that many people would think that priests who don't want to celebrate them in church are just being mean.)
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