14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says “Dam!”
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I've lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I'm positive.”
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
The end.
Again, don't blame me, blame Doug. And yes, I've seen some of these before, too.
Then there's the seriously tasteless one about the guy who escapes from a lunatic asylum, sexually assaults someone in a laundromat, and makes good his escape. Headline in the paper next day: "Nut screws washer and bolts".
ReplyDeleteLapin, yes. Now I know that there is that seriously tasteless pun, thanks to you.
ReplyDelete"No pun in ten did."
ReplyDeleteOK, THAT one was new---and good!
****
Speaking of "seriously tasteless":
Tomorrow, I'm going to see my beloved San Francisco Giants, in their pennant race (Go Giants!).
Pitching will be left-hander Jonathan Sanchez. He's been pitching well, and some wags (on the Giants board I look at) having been saying "Sanchez Dirty!".
OK.
I've been seeing this phrase "Dirty Sanchez" for YEARS now, and I figured it was finally time to Google it.
I'm so sorry I did. }-X
That said . . . Go Giants! :-{D
"No pun in ten did."
ReplyDeleteOK, THAT one was new---and good!
JCF beat me to it.
JCF, enjoy watching your beloved Giants and Sanchez pitch.
ReplyDeleteOK, THAT one was new---and good!
Success! I headed y'all off at the pass.