This recipe calls for Absolut vodka but if you don't have that, any vodka will do (I prefer Skyy). If the cookies come out as I expect them to, please mail me some. Trust me, read this all the way through....
Ingredients:
1 bottle Absolut vodka
1 cup water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups dried fruit
4 cups flour
Sample the Absolut to check quality. Take a large bowl. Check the Absolut again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar; beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Absolut is still OK. Try another cup, just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy, break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in 1 cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor... mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Absolut to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Absolut.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add 1 table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turners. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Absolut and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
CHERRY MISTMAS!!!!!!
Thanks to the notorious woman known around the internets as Suzanne. It doesn't hurt to start gathering your Christmas recipes early.
Sounds great, but having recently purchased my first bottle of vodka on my own (my late husband, the martini lover, always kept us well stocked), I am keenly aware of the fact that vodka comes in different sized bottles (and prices). Having painfully decided on the one liter bottle (which should last me quite some time as my intake and now the household's intake is greatly reduced), I still think of it is rather puny. Yet I'm having difficulty imagining that finishing off the larger size would leave one, at the conclusions of these directions, conscious enough to toss out the bottle in the end. So... what the heck does "a bottle of vodka" mean? I want to get it right before I try it.
ReplyDelete- a stickler for precise measures in recipes.
[Word verification "inesacti"]
Kathy, you'd never make it with "a pinch of this and a scoop of that" as so many recipes in my family go.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Suzanne will show up and answer your question, because I have no idea what size bottle of vodka to use. Following instructions in the joke, I'd think one would hardly be left standing.
I do not generally do vodka. Do you think Blue Sapphire gin will work?
ReplyDeleteFWIW
jimB
Perhaps a mixture of the two, Jim?
ReplyDeleteYeah, Jim, mix 'em all up.
ReplyDeleteThat's all very well, but I would increase the butter and make it with Laphroaig, being a fan of butterscotch.
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I held a sort of wake for an old friend and invited all the other people we knew who had known him and worked with him. We made Lapsang Souchong tea, which he had liked, and I got some Laphroaig, the smokiest of single malts from Islay, of which he was very fond. For those who wanted it, then, we offered a toast in Laphroaig, of which I had not had any in a long time, owing to certain health matters. It's a drink that, pardon the expression, puts hairs on the chest.
Having consumed it, I commented that I'd forgotten how good it was, to which another friend, with something other than hairs on the chest, inquired,
"In just what sense of 'good' do you mean that?"
And now it's very late, and I'm verbose and incoherent and hardly up to typing Laphroaig, so time to retire.
Porlock, "Lapsang Souchong" and "Laphroaig" are tongue-twisters as well as spelling challenges. Sounds like a nice wake, though.
ReplyDeleteI developed a taste for the malt while I was in Scotland, because my friend Cathy MADE me taste at first, and although I made a face and didn't finish the wee dram, on later occasions, she continued to insist until one night I thought to myself, "Hmm. This is not so bad." In the end we were having our regular wee drams before bedtime from Cathy's bottle which she had stashed in her room.
Mimi, no one who knows you will fall for that one. No one. I'm just saying.
ReplyDeleteCathy, you think not? I thought you were my friend. I thought you'd back me up.
ReplyDeleteNot when you play innocent, young lady :-)
ReplyDeleteCathy, je suis désolée!
ReplyDeleteYour recipe is hysterical! My mouth dropped open when you said "drink it". I work with Better Foods and on a more serious side, I am focusing on Christmas cookies. If you're interested in seeing some easy delicious Christmas cookies like Cinnamon Meltaway Cookies or Peppermint Chocolate Hugs, check out these recipes and more Christmas Cookie Recipes
ReplyDeleteFor this receipe, Kathy, I think you buy the biggest bottle then get a second one for a spare. It'll keep.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne
Vodka lemon shooters from the freezer are the best drink in the summer.
Suzanne, thanks. I hoped you'd come.
ReplyDelete