WAY TO AGE CORRECTLY

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

(Oh, just hush-up and send this one on).

What could I do? Don't blame me. Blame my brother-in-law.

Photo from Wikipedia.

FLYING FIRST CLASS

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The steward rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a
good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The disgusted steward gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the head stewardess gets the copilot.

The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section.

The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."


Cheers,

Paul (A.)

(I don't usually do blond jokes, but Paul (A.) made me do it.)

PRAYER FOR 2012

My prayer for 2012 is for
A fat bank account & a thin body.
Please don't mix these up like you did last year.
AMEN!

Don't blame me. Blame Doug.

A VOICE FROM ABOVE

A sprightly 60-year-old woman was walking along 5th Avenue when she heard a voice from above:

"You will live to be 100."

She looked around but didn't see anyone. Again she heard the voice: "You will live to be 100."

Boy, she thought to herself, that was the voice of God!

And then she thought it over: I've got 40 more years to live! Might as well make the most of them.

So off she went to the plastic surgeon. She got everything fixed, from head to toe. She was going to be as gorgeous as a 20-year-old. She was ready for her new second life.

When she left the plastic surgeon's office after her final checkup, she walked across the street, got hit by a bus, died, and found herself in heaven.

She complained to God, "You told me I would live to be 100! I was supposed to have had 40 more years! So how come you let that bus kill me?".

God looked over at her and replied, "Oh, sorry. I didn't recognize you."


Cheers,

Paul (A.)

You know whom to blame.

BOUDREAUX MAKES A DEAL

Boudreaux and Aucoin are walking down the street in Beaumont, right over the Louisiana line in Texas, and they see a sign on a store which reads:

Suits $5.00 each!
Shirts $2.00 each! Pants $2.50 each!

Boudreaux says to his pal, "Look here, Auc, we could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Weswego, sell 'em to our friends and them other coonasses down in the bayou, and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin' 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant Cajuns, and won't wanna sell that stuff to us. Jes watch, I'll talk real sophisticated so's they think we is from Lufkin or somewhares over here in Texas."

They go in and Boudreaux says with his best fake sophisticated Texas accent, "I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there pants at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and..."

The owner of the shop interrupts. "Ya'll Cajuns are from over by Jeanerette, New Iberia or somewheres, aren't you?"

"Well...yeah," says a surprised Boudreaux. "How come you knowed that?"

"Because this is a dry cleaners."

A joke about my own people. I should be ashamed. I blame Doug.

The truth is that I had a good laugh before the punch line of the joke at "best fake sophisticated Texas accent".

LOUISIANA CAJUN INSIDE JOKE

A friend from long time passing sent me the following:

The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman, a Louisiana State University graduate, as President of the United States, Susan Boudreaux.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says, 'So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?' 'I don't think so. It's a 30 hour drive, your mother isn't as young as she used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.' 'Don't worry about it Dad, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.'

'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?' Oh Dad, replies Susan, 'I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York .' 'Honey,' Dad complains, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.' The President-to-be responds, 'Don't worry Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York , I’ll ensure your meals are salt free Dad, I really want you to come.

So Dad reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Boudreaux is being sworn in as President of the United States . In the front row sits the new president's Dad and Mom. Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispers, 'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States .

The Senator whispers back, 'Yes I do.'


Dad says proudly, ‘Her brother played football at LSU.’

One teensy, weensy caveat: what Boudreaux worth his salt can't eat the "rich" food in Washington DC?