WORDS HAVE POWER

Bro John Anthony

If you can recall words that hurt you, you can probably also recall words that sustained you, encouraged you, lifted you up. Words have power, power to create and power to destroy, power to bless and power to curse, power to heal and power to hurt.

-Br. David Vryhof
Society of Saint John the Evangelist

Bro John Anthony posted in St. Cuthbert's Cottage

FAVORITE WORDS

My Favorite Words

These fit so well they should be in a dictionary.

ADULT
A person who has stopped growing at both ends
And is now growing in the middle.
 
BEAUTY PARLOR A place where women curl up and dye.
 
CHICKENS
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
 
DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
 
EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.

INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN
A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.

And MY Personal Favorite!!

WRINKLES
Something other people have,
Similar to my character lines.
 
Thanks Franks.

TAKE A WORD...

...any word from the dictionary.  Alter it by adding,  subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
 
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
 
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
 
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
 
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
 
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
 
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
 
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
 
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
 
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
 
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
 
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
 
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
 
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

 Once again, Frank is the culprit.

UPDATE: Petty Witter's contributions to the list:

Much harder than it sounds but I had hours of fun only to come up with the following ..........

Crimate: A monkey with a criminal record.
Fate Mail: Correspondence sent by astrologers.
Manxiety: A mental health condition suffered by self obsessed males.
Penopausal: Writers Block as suffered by some female authors of a certain age.

Like!  I will definitely use 'manxiety' in the future, and I may also appropriate 'penopausal' though I'm past the sell-by date.

ALTERNATE MEANINGS FOR COMMON WORDS

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
 
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
 
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
 
4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
 
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
 
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
 
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
 
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
 
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
 
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
 
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
 
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
 
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
 
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
 
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

Don't blame me.  Blame Frank.