We celebrate the feast day of the other Gregory today.
Only two popes, Leo I and Gregory I, have been given the popular title of "the Great." Both served during difficult times of barbarian invasions in Italy; and during Gregory's term of office, Rome was also faced with famine and epidemics.
Now that Gregory has taken his place among the blessed in heaven, I wonder if he cringes about "The Great" added to his name, considering that Jesus told us what would happen to the greatest among us. Is he in the lowest place now, or does God disregard the description, because Gregory did not confer it on himself?
His influence on the forms of public worship throughout Western Europe was enormous. He founded a school for the training of church musicians, and Gregorian chant (plainchant) is named for him. The schedule of Scripture readings for the various Sundays of the year, and the accompanying prayers (many of them written by him), in use throughout most of Western Christendom for the next thirteen centuries, is largely due to his passion for organization.
Thank God for Gregory's support for the gifted musicians who gave us the lovely Gregorian chant.
English-speaking Christians will remember Gregory for sending a party of missionaries headed by Augustine of Canterbury (not to be confused with the more famous Augustine of Hippo) to preach the Gospel to the pagan Anglo-Saxon tribes that had invaded England and largely conquered or displaced the Celtic Christians previously living there. Gregory had originally hoped to go to England as a missionary himself, but was pressed into service elsewhere, first as apocrisiarius and then as bishop of Rome. He accordingly sent others, but took an active interest in their work, writing numerous letters both to Augustine and his monks and to their English converts.
Gregory served the Christian church well, although he was not perfect, (who among us is?) and it is up to God to decide who is great. Thanks be to God.
PRAYER:
Almighty and merciful God, who raised up Gregory of Rome to be a servant of the servants of God, and inspired him to send missionaries to preach the Gospel to the English people: Preserve in your Church the catholic and apostolic faith they taught, that your people, being fruitful in every good work, may receive the crown of glory that never fades away; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Alpha - Part 2
Part 2 of Alpha was better than Part 1. I didn't get the feeling of watching a Billy Graham event this time. I have nothing against Billy Graham, but you can't say that he is Anglican, and I did not find the first Alpha Anglican. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Nicky Gumbel's presentation is low-key compared to the TV evangelists. The subject of this program was "Who Is Jesus?" What followed was a teaching on Jesus as God and man. I'd rather not give away too many details, because some reading this may do the course. I'd rather focus on my impressions.
One thing that puzzled me is that last week we were led in the prayer to accept Jesus into our hearts. Seems to me that Part 2 should have come first, especially for those who were not knowledgeable about Jesus. Before you invite Jesus into your heart, wouldn't you want to know a bit about him?
As the program is pretty basic, I was not sure what those of us more familiar with the basics of the faith are to take from it, except perhaps some sort of renewal of faith.
What caught my attention this time was the slick production style demonstrated in the series. The lectures take place in Holy Trinity Church Brompton in London. The camera focused on the audience (or should I say congregation?) from time to time, and every person shown was raptly attentive. If there were any who were bored-looking or fidgety, we did not get to see them. The church makes for good background for the cameras. Here's a picture if you want to have a look at the interior. Sorry, I don't know how to do pictures on my blog.
One thing that puzzled me is that last week we were led in the prayer to accept Jesus into our hearts. Seems to me that Part 2 should have come first, especially for those who were not knowledgeable about Jesus. Before you invite Jesus into your heart, wouldn't you want to know a bit about him?
As the program is pretty basic, I was not sure what those of us more familiar with the basics of the faith are to take from it, except perhaps some sort of renewal of faith.
What caught my attention this time was the slick production style demonstrated in the series. The lectures take place in Holy Trinity Church Brompton in London. The camera focused on the audience (or should I say congregation?) from time to time, and every person shown was raptly attentive. If there were any who were bored-looking or fidgety, we did not get to see them. The church makes for good background for the cameras. Here's a picture if you want to have a look at the interior. Sorry, I don't know how to do pictures on my blog.
Psalm 27
Verse 1 of the psalm:
The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
A Good Man Who Needs Prayer
A Saskatoon priest is facing unemployment for agreeing to marry gay and lesbian couples. Shawn Sanford Beck has been told by the Anglican church that he will lose his abilities to perform duties of the priesthood by the end of the month. As a result, Beck will also lose his job, working with a Lutheran inner-city project.
However, Beck says he is making a stand because of conscience. He will not recant his faith, but says he will not back down from his decision. He says the situation is an act of civil disobedience within the church and calls himself a priest in exile.
Shawn is a priest committed to bringing justice to the oppressed. His work in the inner city is among impoverished native Canadians where he is working towards enabling them to start to run the agency themselves. He is on the Saskatoon diocesan synod, he lectures and gives talks on various issues, including liturgy, and he is an associate priest at the cathedral.
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE CHURCH
Conversion of St. Paul, 2007
Dear Sisters and Brothers in Christ,
As you are no doubt aware, our church finds itself in a turbulent, confusing, and painful time. Many issues are involved in our current struggles: authority, hermeneutics, ethical and theological visions and convictions, and the complex relationships of gender, power, and patriarchy. Though the “presenting issue” is the place of LGBTT folk in the Body of Christ, the roots of our conflict go much deeper.
As a priest in the midst of this struggle, it has become clear to me after much prayer and soul-searching, that my spiritual conscience can no longer abide by the laws which I am required to uphold in regard to the blessing of same-sex unions and marriages. It is my conviction that our current ban on such practices is theologically problematic and fundamentally unjust. Upholding such a position (even unwillingly) forces me to bend severely (if not break) my priestly vows, my baptismal covenant, and the Word of God inscribed within my heart. I therefore publicly declare that I will, when requested, officiate at same-sex marriages and offer blessing upon committed same sex unions. I will no longer discriminate against homosexual people when it comes to the exercise of my priestly duties.
I am aware, of course, that the stance I am taking will likely lead to serious consequences, and I am prepared to face these consequences openly and publicly. It may be helpful to consider my action a form of ecclesiastical civil disobedience. With conflict and rhetoric rising in the worldwide communion, too many queer brothers and sisters are being further marginalized and excluded. In some parts of the world, this takes the form of outright violence: as I write, the coordinator of Changing Attitude (a sister organization of Integrity) in Nigeria is living under a death threat from his “fellow Christians”. Here at home, it is often a more subtle form of oppression: exclusion rendered invisible. As a priest and leader in the church, my complicity in upholding our current law makes me at least partially responsible for the ongoing suffering of LGBTT Christians, and I can no longer take part in that. If my current action helps render visible that which has been made invisible, then I will be happy to bear the consequences. I too will stand “outside the gate”, where so many other queer Christians have been sent.
To be clear, there are three main reasons for my choice of taking this stance. On one level, this is a clear issue of justice, solidarity, and human rights. On another level, this is an issue of evangelism: our church’s continuing discrimination against LGBTT people is a scandal which keeps many of my peers from being able to hear the good news of Jesus. And finally, this is an issue of personal integrity: I can no longer, in good conscience, uphold a law which I consider unjust, as well as theologically deficient.
Some might say that my actions sidestep the legitimate process of discernment underway in the church. I understand that concern, and I have wrestled long and hard over what to do, working within our established canons and structures to the best of my ability. However, I also see my current course of action as being part of the wider church’s discernment. We have heard many arguments about the cost of blessing same-sex marriages and ordaining unclosetted queer folk; we also need to recognize that there is a cost as well to not moving in this direction. The cost is a huge amount of suffering for LGBTT Christians who are pressured to remain silent. The cost is that some of us, straight and gay, will no longer be able to abide the status quo, and we will simply cease to obey an unjust law. The cost is that others will quietly leave. That reality needs to be part of our church’s discernment. In this, I am not leaving the church, nor relinquishing my orders. Instead, I offer my current action, with all its consequences, for the ongoing discernment of the Body.
Yours in the unquiet peace of Christ,
The Rev. Shawn Sanford Beck
However, Beck says he is making a stand because of conscience. He will not recant his faith, but says he will not back down from his decision. He says the situation is an act of civil disobedience within the church and calls himself a priest in exile.
Shawn is a priest committed to bringing justice to the oppressed. His work in the inner city is among impoverished native Canadians where he is working towards enabling them to start to run the agency themselves. He is on the Saskatoon diocesan synod, he lectures and gives talks on various issues, including liturgy, and he is an associate priest at the cathedral.
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE CHURCH
Conversion of St. Paul, 2007
Dear Sisters and Brothers in Christ,
As you are no doubt aware, our church finds itself in a turbulent, confusing, and painful time. Many issues are involved in our current struggles: authority, hermeneutics, ethical and theological visions and convictions, and the complex relationships of gender, power, and patriarchy. Though the “presenting issue” is the place of LGBTT folk in the Body of Christ, the roots of our conflict go much deeper.
As a priest in the midst of this struggle, it has become clear to me after much prayer and soul-searching, that my spiritual conscience can no longer abide by the laws which I am required to uphold in regard to the blessing of same-sex unions and marriages. It is my conviction that our current ban on such practices is theologically problematic and fundamentally unjust. Upholding such a position (even unwillingly) forces me to bend severely (if not break) my priestly vows, my baptismal covenant, and the Word of God inscribed within my heart. I therefore publicly declare that I will, when requested, officiate at same-sex marriages and offer blessing upon committed same sex unions. I will no longer discriminate against homosexual people when it comes to the exercise of my priestly duties.
I am aware, of course, that the stance I am taking will likely lead to serious consequences, and I am prepared to face these consequences openly and publicly. It may be helpful to consider my action a form of ecclesiastical civil disobedience. With conflict and rhetoric rising in the worldwide communion, too many queer brothers and sisters are being further marginalized and excluded. In some parts of the world, this takes the form of outright violence: as I write, the coordinator of Changing Attitude (a sister organization of Integrity) in Nigeria is living under a death threat from his “fellow Christians”. Here at home, it is often a more subtle form of oppression: exclusion rendered invisible. As a priest and leader in the church, my complicity in upholding our current law makes me at least partially responsible for the ongoing suffering of LGBTT Christians, and I can no longer take part in that. If my current action helps render visible that which has been made invisible, then I will be happy to bear the consequences. I too will stand “outside the gate”, where so many other queer Christians have been sent.
To be clear, there are three main reasons for my choice of taking this stance. On one level, this is a clear issue of justice, solidarity, and human rights. On another level, this is an issue of evangelism: our church’s continuing discrimination against LGBTT people is a scandal which keeps many of my peers from being able to hear the good news of Jesus. And finally, this is an issue of personal integrity: I can no longer, in good conscience, uphold a law which I consider unjust, as well as theologically deficient.
Some might say that my actions sidestep the legitimate process of discernment underway in the church. I understand that concern, and I have wrestled long and hard over what to do, working within our established canons and structures to the best of my ability. However, I also see my current course of action as being part of the wider church’s discernment. We have heard many arguments about the cost of blessing same-sex marriages and ordaining unclosetted queer folk; we also need to recognize that there is a cost as well to not moving in this direction. The cost is a huge amount of suffering for LGBTT Christians who are pressured to remain silent. The cost is that some of us, straight and gay, will no longer be able to abide the status quo, and we will simply cease to obey an unjust law. The cost is that others will quietly leave. That reality needs to be part of our church’s discernment. In this, I am not leaving the church, nor relinquishing my orders. Instead, I offer my current action, with all its consequences, for the ongoing discernment of the Body.
Yours in the unquiet peace of Christ,
The Rev. Shawn Sanford Beck
Friday, March 9, 2007
Lady Sophia
Today is the feast day of St. Gregory of Nyssa.
The lectionary readings include this beautiful passage from the Book of Wisdom:
For wisdom is more mobile than any motion;
because of her pureness she pervades and penetrates all things.
For she is a breath of the power of God,
and a pure emanation of the glory of the Almighty;
therefore nothing defiled gains entrance into her.
For she is a reflection of eternal light,
a spotless mirror of the working of God,
and an image of his goodness.
Although she is but one, she can do all things,
and while remaining in herself, she renews all things;
in every generation she passes into holy souls
and makes them friends of God, and prophets;
for God loves nothing so much as the person who lives with wisdom.
Wisdom 7:24-28
The lectionary readings include this beautiful passage from the Book of Wisdom:
For wisdom is more mobile than any motion;
because of her pureness she pervades and penetrates all things.
For she is a breath of the power of God,
and a pure emanation of the glory of the Almighty;
therefore nothing defiled gains entrance into her.
For she is a reflection of eternal light,
a spotless mirror of the working of God,
and an image of his goodness.
Although she is but one, she can do all things,
and while remaining in herself, she renews all things;
in every generation she passes into holy souls
and makes them friends of God, and prophets;
for God loves nothing so much as the person who lives with wisdom.
Wisdom 7:24-28
Thursday, March 8, 2007
My Windsor Bishop
Since the destruction in the Diocese of Louisiana from Hurricane Katrina and the levee failures which resulted in the flood in the greater New Orleans area, Charles Jenkins, the bishop of the Diocese of Louisiana, has had great burdens to bear. In addition to working with local Episcopal churches on recovery and rebuilding, the diocese has assisted the people of the area to obtain the necessities of life in the immediate aftermath, and offered help in rebuilding their lives in the longer term. He has worked with ministers of other denominations in New Orleans to preserve and restore the soul and spirit of the city and to find solutions to the horrific wave of crime since the disasters.
Bishop Jenkins belongs to the alliance of Windsor bishops, those who follow the recommendations of the Windsor Report.
From what I know, in my diocese this means that there is a moratorium on ordaining gays and lesbians in partnered relationships to any of the orders of the church unless they declare themselves celibate.
In my parish, gays and lesbians serve in leadership positions on the vestry, as Lay Eucharistic Ministers, lectors, and in Sunday school. One member of our community has completed the requirements for ordination to the permanent diaconate, but she will not be ordained, because she is a lesbian woman in a partnered relationship.
I know of no listening process at present. I have heard that just prior to Katrina and the levee failures, a committee was being set up, but since Katrina, nothing has moved forward.
When the Windsor bishops met at Camp Allen in Texas in September 19-22, 2006, the group sent this letter to the House of Bishops after the meeting. Bishop Jenkins did not attend the meeting.
After the meeting in January 3-5, 2007, which Bishop Jenkins did attend, no summary was issued, as far as I know. Bishop Katharine has said that she was not invited to the recent meeting at Camp Allen In Texas. According to the article in the Living Church which I linked to above, several bishops from outside the US were invited:
In addition to bishops of The Episcopal Church, special invitations to Camp Allen were extended to several international bishops including Archbishop Drexel Gomez, Primate of the West Indies and chair of the committee working on the development of an Anglican Covenant; Archbishop Donald Mtetemela, Primate of Tanzania; and Bishop Michael Scott-Joynt of the Diocese of Winchester in the Church of England. The Rt. Rev. Don A. Wimberly, Bishop of Texas, was the host and convener.
My bishop has not spoken out at length about the controversies swirling around the Episcopal Church and the Anglican Communion, therefore, I am not quite clear about where my diocese will be when the dust settles. I decided to write him a letter asking several questions:
1. The Windsor Report calls for a listening process. Is there presently a listening process in the diocese?
2. What was the subject or subjects of the recent meeting of the Windsor bishops at Camp Allen in Texas?
3. Why are no reports issued after the meetings?
4. Why was Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts-Schori not invited to the Camp Allen meeting?
5. Were foreign bishops invited? To what purpose? (I now know the answer to the first of these questions)
6. Why were no clergy or lay people present?
7. Will you welcome Bishop Katharine to visit the Diocese of Louisiana?
8. Will you seek Alternative Pastoral Oversight for the Diocese of Louisiana?
9. Why do we need a covenant in the Anglican Communion? Our Lord Jesus Christ gave us a New Covenant. Why do we need another covenant?
My letter went out to the bishop earlier this week. We shall see.
Bishop Jenkins belongs to the alliance of Windsor bishops, those who follow the recommendations of the Windsor Report.
From what I know, in my diocese this means that there is a moratorium on ordaining gays and lesbians in partnered relationships to any of the orders of the church unless they declare themselves celibate.
In my parish, gays and lesbians serve in leadership positions on the vestry, as Lay Eucharistic Ministers, lectors, and in Sunday school. One member of our community has completed the requirements for ordination to the permanent diaconate, but she will not be ordained, because she is a lesbian woman in a partnered relationship.
I know of no listening process at present. I have heard that just prior to Katrina and the levee failures, a committee was being set up, but since Katrina, nothing has moved forward.
When the Windsor bishops met at Camp Allen in Texas in September 19-22, 2006, the group sent this letter to the House of Bishops after the meeting. Bishop Jenkins did not attend the meeting.
After the meeting in January 3-5, 2007, which Bishop Jenkins did attend, no summary was issued, as far as I know. Bishop Katharine has said that she was not invited to the recent meeting at Camp Allen In Texas. According to the article in the Living Church which I linked to above, several bishops from outside the US were invited:
In addition to bishops of The Episcopal Church, special invitations to Camp Allen were extended to several international bishops including Archbishop Drexel Gomez, Primate of the West Indies and chair of the committee working on the development of an Anglican Covenant; Archbishop Donald Mtetemela, Primate of Tanzania; and Bishop Michael Scott-Joynt of the Diocese of Winchester in the Church of England. The Rt. Rev. Don A. Wimberly, Bishop of Texas, was the host and convener.
My bishop has not spoken out at length about the controversies swirling around the Episcopal Church and the Anglican Communion, therefore, I am not quite clear about where my diocese will be when the dust settles. I decided to write him a letter asking several questions:
1. The Windsor Report calls for a listening process. Is there presently a listening process in the diocese?
2. What was the subject or subjects of the recent meeting of the Windsor bishops at Camp Allen in Texas?
3. Why are no reports issued after the meetings?
4. Why was Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts-Schori not invited to the Camp Allen meeting?
5. Were foreign bishops invited? To what purpose? (I now know the answer to the first of these questions)
6. Why were no clergy or lay people present?
7. Will you welcome Bishop Katharine to visit the Diocese of Louisiana?
8. Will you seek Alternative Pastoral Oversight for the Diocese of Louisiana?
9. Why do we need a covenant in the Anglican Communion? Our Lord Jesus Christ gave us a New Covenant. Why do we need another covenant?
My letter went out to the bishop earlier this week. We shall see.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Thought For the Day
It's been a long Lent. It started at the end of September, lasted right through Advent, through the Christmas season until now. Am I ever waiting for Resurrection Day!
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
QUEEN FOR A DAY
April 27th will mark the one year anniversary of the death of my beloved sister. Since January of 2005, my two (and only) sisters have died and my son and his wife will have have divorced. I'm indulging myself again with a "Queen for A Day" story. Take that any way you like. Maybe I'll win the appliances and furniture this time. If you're young, you may not even know what I'm talking about. Google "Queen For A Day".
Truly, I feel like a battered woman - not physically battered, but emotionally battered. It's been too much in too short a time. I don't have time to heal from one blow before the next one is upon me. Somehow I think my slow recovery is related to my early home life with my alcoholic father, where my sisters and I were emotionally and verbally abused as a regular part of our days. There's a hurt inside that has never totally healed, and it resurfaces in times like this.
Don't think that I see myself as unique, or suffering worse than anyone else. Others have suffered and are still suffering far worse than I. I am quite sure of that. I don't think that I'm the female version of Job, whom God has singled out for suffering. All of us have periods in our childhood that were less than perfect, and all of us suffer losses throughout our lives.
Somehow, despite the long-running verbal abuse from my father, I grew up with a strong sense of self. I did not internalize the abuse, for I knew that there was something very wrong with my father, and that the abuse was not because of anything I did, or because of anything inherently wrong with me. I remember when I was around 11 years old, thinking to myself, that my father could control my actions, and he could pile on the verbal and emotional abuse, but he could not control my thoughts. I have often wondered at this declaration of my independence - at least in my thoughts - and I have searched for influences that helped me to take this step.
My mother was emotionally absent, probably because she was overwhelmed by her disastrous marriage to an alcoholic and by the burden of a husband who worked only sporadically and changed jobs frequently, with the result that her low-paying clerical job was the steadiest source of income for my family. Of course, her low wage was not enough, and we were kept afloat with support from my mother's extended family, my grandparents, and my aunt. My mother loved us and worked hard to supply our physical needs, but we weren't close. Emotionally, she wasn't present for us, because her life was too hard. My middle sister and I wondered often why she didn't separate from our father and take us out of our miserable situation.
My grandmother, Mémère, was certainly a strong influence in my life. She was a strong woman, the hen who ruled the henhouse and the rooster. My grandfather, Didi, was sweet and loving and let her have her way. Occasionally, the sainted man would have an outburst of anger, filled with drama, that we didn't soon forget. One day, my younger sister and my cousin were fighting over a doll carriage. He really hated children fighting, and he said, "Give me that G*d damned carriage!" He took hold of the carriage and flung it high into the air far away in the distance from both of them. That ended the fight. I can't even remember if the carriage survived.
Mémère exercised her strength within the extended family, and her advice and interference - for that's what it often was - was not always welcomed by her children and sons- and daughters-in-law, and on more than one occasion, was not exercised wisely.
She was quite devout and would have liked all seven of her children to become nuns and priests. Alas, not one followed her plan. Four of the seven divorced their original spouses, and all of them made bad choices in their marriages. She had one son and three sons-in-law who were alcoholics. The family would have done Tennessee Williams proud as characters in one of his plays. I've wondered why my grandmother didn't choose the nunnery for herself, instead of getting married.
However, she loved me unconditionally. I was one of her favorites, and she was rather open about her favorites among her grandchildren, which did not help the little egos of those who were not favored. She was good to all of us, but you knew whom she liked best.
Another influence for the good was my Roman Catholic schooling. Although a bit of nonsense was doled out to us, on the whole we were well-taught, and the faith was planted early in my young soul. The school brought a sense of order into my life which was missing from my chaotic life at home.
My sisters did not make the same transition to independent thinking that I did. My middle sister married at 18 to a good man - or boy, I should say - for he was 19. She was a subservient wife for many years to her mostly benign patriarch of a husband. On occasion, I could glimpse his manipulative ways, but I held my tongue. I can say that he would not have fooled me for one minute.
Rather late in their marriage, she wanted a divorce, and they separated for two years but decided to get back together. My sister returned to the marriage a new person, her own woman, and I don't think that my brother-in-law ever got over the shock. In his favor, he loved her dearly, and took excellent care of her in her final illness, and sorely misses her since she's gone.
My younger sister took the path of replaying our early lives by marrying a much older man who was - guess what? - an alcoholic. She put herself and her children through a life similar in trauma to ours, but perhaps worse, because she lived away from us and did not have the benefit of extended family. I could not understand how she could live that awful life over again, but I gather that it's not uncommon for children of alcoholics to marry alcoholics. One time around was surely enough for me.
She died estranged from us. She was in and out of our lives periodically, and we did not know she was sick until two days before she died. We never saw her alive again, because she died before we could get to her. She died of untreated breast cancer - untreated by her own choice.
Along with present family difficulties, I face each day the catastrophic results of the appalling actions of the Bush administration throughout the world, these actions done in my name. In addition, my church looks to be self-destructing before my eyes.
However, through the trials then and now, I seem to be able to hang on to at least a slender thread of hope that things will get better. It's my faith that brought me thus far, and faith that will carry me the rest of the way. That is the truth of it.
I pray that this time of testing will lead me to be more compassionate to others who are suffering. I find it truly impossible to understand how with all the unpleasantness that comes our way in the normal course of human life that we choose to inflict unnecessary suffering on each other. I live in hope that we will see better days within my family, within my family in Christ, and within the family of my fellow citizens in my country.
Can you believe that I sometimes have the temerity to post a comment on Tobias Haller's erudite web site, In A Godward Direction? There sit my simple-minded comments among the comments of the learned theologians and Scripture scholars. Tobias, gentleman that he is, is unfailingly kind and welcoming.
For all his learning, or perhaps because of his learning, Tobias's sermons, which you can find here, are quite wonderful and accessible.
Here is an excerpt from his sermon on hope from last Sunday:
We too live between the two Jerusalems, the spoiled and unpromising Jerusalem of much of our daily life, and the hopeful joy of the Jerusalem in which the Lord’s table is set, and in which our true citizenship lies, a citizenship shared with the multitudes who gather for the banquet. May we, as our Lenten pilgrimage continues, learn to see the promise and the sharing and the hope, even when things seem unpromising, when people prove selfish, and hope seems impractical.
UPDATE: My nephew and his wife have a beautiful new baby girl. New life breaks through to bring us joy. Thanks be to God. May the Lord pour out abundant blessings upon them.
Truly, I feel like a battered woman - not physically battered, but emotionally battered. It's been too much in too short a time. I don't have time to heal from one blow before the next one is upon me. Somehow I think my slow recovery is related to my early home life with my alcoholic father, where my sisters and I were emotionally and verbally abused as a regular part of our days. There's a hurt inside that has never totally healed, and it resurfaces in times like this.
Don't think that I see myself as unique, or suffering worse than anyone else. Others have suffered and are still suffering far worse than I. I am quite sure of that. I don't think that I'm the female version of Job, whom God has singled out for suffering. All of us have periods in our childhood that were less than perfect, and all of us suffer losses throughout our lives.
Somehow, despite the long-running verbal abuse from my father, I grew up with a strong sense of self. I did not internalize the abuse, for I knew that there was something very wrong with my father, and that the abuse was not because of anything I did, or because of anything inherently wrong with me. I remember when I was around 11 years old, thinking to myself, that my father could control my actions, and he could pile on the verbal and emotional abuse, but he could not control my thoughts. I have often wondered at this declaration of my independence - at least in my thoughts - and I have searched for influences that helped me to take this step.
My mother was emotionally absent, probably because she was overwhelmed by her disastrous marriage to an alcoholic and by the burden of a husband who worked only sporadically and changed jobs frequently, with the result that her low-paying clerical job was the steadiest source of income for my family. Of course, her low wage was not enough, and we were kept afloat with support from my mother's extended family, my grandparents, and my aunt. My mother loved us and worked hard to supply our physical needs, but we weren't close. Emotionally, she wasn't present for us, because her life was too hard. My middle sister and I wondered often why she didn't separate from our father and take us out of our miserable situation.
My grandmother, Mémère, was certainly a strong influence in my life. She was a strong woman, the hen who ruled the henhouse and the rooster. My grandfather, Didi, was sweet and loving and let her have her way. Occasionally, the sainted man would have an outburst of anger, filled with drama, that we didn't soon forget. One day, my younger sister and my cousin were fighting over a doll carriage. He really hated children fighting, and he said, "Give me that G*d damned carriage!" He took hold of the carriage and flung it high into the air far away in the distance from both of them. That ended the fight. I can't even remember if the carriage survived.
Mémère exercised her strength within the extended family, and her advice and interference - for that's what it often was - was not always welcomed by her children and sons- and daughters-in-law, and on more than one occasion, was not exercised wisely.
She was quite devout and would have liked all seven of her children to become nuns and priests. Alas, not one followed her plan. Four of the seven divorced their original spouses, and all of them made bad choices in their marriages. She had one son and three sons-in-law who were alcoholics. The family would have done Tennessee Williams proud as characters in one of his plays. I've wondered why my grandmother didn't choose the nunnery for herself, instead of getting married.
However, she loved me unconditionally. I was one of her favorites, and she was rather open about her favorites among her grandchildren, which did not help the little egos of those who were not favored. She was good to all of us, but you knew whom she liked best.
Another influence for the good was my Roman Catholic schooling. Although a bit of nonsense was doled out to us, on the whole we were well-taught, and the faith was planted early in my young soul. The school brought a sense of order into my life which was missing from my chaotic life at home.
My sisters did not make the same transition to independent thinking that I did. My middle sister married at 18 to a good man - or boy, I should say - for he was 19. She was a subservient wife for many years to her mostly benign patriarch of a husband. On occasion, I could glimpse his manipulative ways, but I held my tongue. I can say that he would not have fooled me for one minute.
Rather late in their marriage, she wanted a divorce, and they separated for two years but decided to get back together. My sister returned to the marriage a new person, her own woman, and I don't think that my brother-in-law ever got over the shock. In his favor, he loved her dearly, and took excellent care of her in her final illness, and sorely misses her since she's gone.
My younger sister took the path of replaying our early lives by marrying a much older man who was - guess what? - an alcoholic. She put herself and her children through a life similar in trauma to ours, but perhaps worse, because she lived away from us and did not have the benefit of extended family. I could not understand how she could live that awful life over again, but I gather that it's not uncommon for children of alcoholics to marry alcoholics. One time around was surely enough for me.
She died estranged from us. She was in and out of our lives periodically, and we did not know she was sick until two days before she died. We never saw her alive again, because she died before we could get to her. She died of untreated breast cancer - untreated by her own choice.
Along with present family difficulties, I face each day the catastrophic results of the appalling actions of the Bush administration throughout the world, these actions done in my name. In addition, my church looks to be self-destructing before my eyes.
However, through the trials then and now, I seem to be able to hang on to at least a slender thread of hope that things will get better. It's my faith that brought me thus far, and faith that will carry me the rest of the way. That is the truth of it.
I pray that this time of testing will lead me to be more compassionate to others who are suffering. I find it truly impossible to understand how with all the unpleasantness that comes our way in the normal course of human life that we choose to inflict unnecessary suffering on each other. I live in hope that we will see better days within my family, within my family in Christ, and within the family of my fellow citizens in my country.
Can you believe that I sometimes have the temerity to post a comment on Tobias Haller's erudite web site, In A Godward Direction? There sit my simple-minded comments among the comments of the learned theologians and Scripture scholars. Tobias, gentleman that he is, is unfailingly kind and welcoming.
For all his learning, or perhaps because of his learning, Tobias's sermons, which you can find here, are quite wonderful and accessible.
Here is an excerpt from his sermon on hope from last Sunday:
We too live between the two Jerusalems, the spoiled and unpromising Jerusalem of much of our daily life, and the hopeful joy of the Jerusalem in which the Lord’s table is set, and in which our true citizenship lies, a citizenship shared with the multitudes who gather for the banquet. May we, as our Lenten pilgrimage continues, learn to see the promise and the sharing and the hope, even when things seem unpromising, when people prove selfish, and hope seems impractical.
UPDATE: My nephew and his wife have a beautiful new baby girl. New life breaks through to bring us joy. Thanks be to God. May the Lord pour out abundant blessings upon them.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Back To The Diocese Of Wenchoster
My readers, it's time for another visit to the Diocese of Wenchoster to increase our store of knowledge. It appears that new features have been added. Or could it be that I did not plumb the depths last time I visited?
Today we'll explore the Let Grindle Search feature. Ezekial Grindle is the verger of The Cathedral Church of St. Ennodius & St. Veronica. His wife, Mrs Jezebel Grindle, contributes to her husband's FAQs and is a virtual mine of information that I could have used in my time of inept service on the Altar Guild. A click of the mouse will take you to Mrs Grindle's Stain Removal Tips, where you can find advice on removing stains from fabrics, such as her recommendation for the removal of oil-based paint:
Ezekiel's father used to say that these sort of stains should be treated immediately with diluted horse urine though that isn't as common as it used to be so I use bleach not that it's very kind to the hands so I wear thick rubber gloves and use a sponge.
Have you ever wondered about the use of the little spoon that you might have caught a glimpse of on the credence table? Wonder no more. In the section on Grindle's description of the liturgical vessels and their use, I found this:
SPOON: made of gold or silver and kept on the credence shelf for use by the Celebrant, if necessary, in removing impurities from the Chalice. Few cathedral clergy use this implement, many preferring the less ostentatious deft flick with the finger to remove flies, bat or mouse droppings, or wafer fragments that return from a communicant's lips to the wine. A ladle from the Refectory should not be used under any circumstances.
Moving along in the search, I found Grindle's explanations of the use and significance of liturgical colors throughout the church year, such as this one for the color pink:
Rose Pink is used as an alternative for the 4th Sunday in Lent which in the Church of England is Mothering Sunday otherwise known as Laetare Sunday) and for the 3rd Sunday in Advent which to give it its proper title is Gaudete Sunday and Mrs. Grindle always says how nice the clergy look in pink and how she wants to give them all a great big hug.
The site is an endless source of interesting and useful information, which I will likely return to and one that you might want to have at look at yourselves. I can't think how long it would take to go through the whole of it to find the hidden treasures.
Today we'll explore the Let Grindle Search feature. Ezekial Grindle is the verger of The Cathedral Church of St. Ennodius & St. Veronica. His wife, Mrs Jezebel Grindle, contributes to her husband's FAQs and is a virtual mine of information that I could have used in my time of inept service on the Altar Guild. A click of the mouse will take you to Mrs Grindle's Stain Removal Tips, where you can find advice on removing stains from fabrics, such as her recommendation for the removal of oil-based paint:
Ezekiel's father used to say that these sort of stains should be treated immediately with diluted horse urine though that isn't as common as it used to be so I use bleach not that it's very kind to the hands so I wear thick rubber gloves and use a sponge.
Have you ever wondered about the use of the little spoon that you might have caught a glimpse of on the credence table? Wonder no more. In the section on Grindle's description of the liturgical vessels and their use, I found this:
SPOON: made of gold or silver and kept on the credence shelf for use by the Celebrant, if necessary, in removing impurities from the Chalice. Few cathedral clergy use this implement, many preferring the less ostentatious deft flick with the finger to remove flies, bat or mouse droppings, or wafer fragments that return from a communicant's lips to the wine. A ladle from the Refectory should not be used under any circumstances.
Moving along in the search, I found Grindle's explanations of the use and significance of liturgical colors throughout the church year, such as this one for the color pink:
Rose Pink is used as an alternative for the 4th Sunday in Lent which in the Church of England is Mothering Sunday otherwise known as Laetare Sunday) and for the 3rd Sunday in Advent which to give it its proper title is Gaudete Sunday and Mrs. Grindle always says how nice the clergy look in pink and how she wants to give them all a great big hug.
The site is an endless source of interesting and useful information, which I will likely return to and one that you might want to have at look at yourselves. I can't think how long it would take to go through the whole of it to find the hidden treasures.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
The Cycle Of Violence
The cycle of violence continues in Iraq. Here's a follow-up story to the Baghdad Blogger, Riverbend 's last post on the rape of Sabrine, a young Iraqi woman, and the response by Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki in the aftermath.
The Associated Press reports in the Houston Chronicle :
BAGHDAD, Iraq — The bodies of 14 policemen were found Friday northeast of Baghdad after an al-Qaida-affilated Sunni group said it abducted members of a government security force in retaliation for the rape of a Sunni woman by members of the Shiite-dominated police.
....
Earlier Friday, the Islamic State of Iraq said in a Web statement that it seized 18 Interior Ministry employees in Diyala in retaliation for "the crimes carried out ... against the Sunnis," including the alleged rape last month of a Sunni woman by policemen in Baghdad.
In a second statement, the group announced that its "court" had ordered the "execution" of the men and that a video depicting their deaths would be posted later, according to the SITE Institute, which monitors extremist Web sites.
The cycle of violence goes round and round. When will it end?
Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.
The Associated Press reports in the Houston Chronicle :
BAGHDAD, Iraq — The bodies of 14 policemen were found Friday northeast of Baghdad after an al-Qaida-affilated Sunni group said it abducted members of a government security force in retaliation for the rape of a Sunni woman by members of the Shiite-dominated police.
....
Earlier Friday, the Islamic State of Iraq said in a Web statement that it seized 18 Interior Ministry employees in Diyala in retaliation for "the crimes carried out ... against the Sunnis," including the alleged rape last month of a Sunni woman by policemen in Baghdad.
In a second statement, the group announced that its "court" had ordered the "execution" of the men and that a video depicting their deaths would be posted later, according to the SITE Institute, which monitors extremist Web sites.
The cycle of violence goes round and round. When will it end?
Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.
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