The Worst Day Of My Life

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, "What'cha gonna do about it?"

The poor little guy starts crying. "Come on man I was just giving you a hard time," the biker says. "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison."

Credit due, Doug.

A Vitter Video

Are y'all tired of hearing about our Louisiana politicians? Well, it ain't over yet, folks, because they just won't quit making fools of themselves. My clever blogger friend from the North, (Louisiana, that is) Jim, at JindalWatch has put together a video that's wicked and funny. What more can you ask for? I warn you: it's baaaad.

"The Tracks Of My Tears" - For A Friend

You know who you are, my friend.

Au Revoir, Zoe

On July 4, I received this email from Roger/Lapinbizarre along with a picture of Zoe.

The current problem, however, is my old chow Zoe, the last of the dogs I have raised from a puppy. Her very uncertain legs gave out on her two nights ago and there is no sensible option to "putting her down". She barked almost non stop for 18 hours from yesterday morning - annoyance and some fear, I suppose, at not being able to get up. She's also nearasdammitt blind. But she's quieter today. Thanksgiving (sic) gives her a 24 hours respite, but I will have to take care of things sooner rather than later. Her brother lost the use of his back legs three or four years ago. We let him hang on for a couple of months in hopes that he would regain it (he was younger and had had surgery for a problem which might, with determination on his part, have been turned around) but he did not. A half-paralyzed dog, with the best will in the world, turns into an unhappy, messy creature - rashes, bedsores, etc. No point in putting the poor girl through that.

The picture is Zoe in better days. I responded that Zoe looked like a lioness.

Roger answered:

She was indeed a lioness - and she has kept he looks; her hair is as full today as it ever was - far fuller than in the photograph - and not a gray hair on her at 13 1/2 ( very good age for a chow). She was the only living thing who, when I pitched a fit about anything, would come to me and sit by me while everything else, two and four-legged, took to the hills. I called her my "still, small voice of calm".

And then today:

She was in a weary, agitated state over night so I took her to the vet's first thing this morning. The vet agreed that it was time, so we proceeded from there. I brought some pieces of roast pork that I fed to her as a "last supper" - her appetite was intact - before and as the anaesthetic was administered, and I left when it had taken effect, before the lethal injection. I'm getting the ashes back and plan to bury her and her brother - four years dead but still in a dresser drawer at a friends' house in the country, with their highland cattle, llamas, donkeys, pigs and goats. In the city they'd be dug up and scattered within years.

So far I'm feeling better than expected. The anaesthetic stage was slow (three or four minutes) and gentle, so I got to pet her as she slowly went to sleep.

It seems Zoe had a gentle going. I offer my prayers and sympathy to Roger. It's so hard to let the dear ones go.

It's Time To Come Clean

The subterfuge is over. See that picture on the sidebar? That one is no longer operative. I am not really who I said I was. All this time I've been misleading you, and I am sorry, my friends.

Watch the video, and you will see the real me and find out about the exciting things happening in my life now.

Doug convinced me that it was time to tell the truth.

UPDATE: Here's the replacement picture of me, which will soon go up on the sidebar.

Is This OK? If Not, Blame Doug

The latest online poll taken by the California Governor's office, asked whether people who live in California think illegal immigration is a serious problem:

29% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."

71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa."'

My main supplier of jokes has been cavorting in Hawaii. No wonder it's been dull here. Welcome back, Doug!

Thanksgivings For National Life

For the Nation

Almighty God, giver of all good things: We thank you for the natural majesty and beauty of this land. They restore us, though we often destroy them.
Heal us.

We thank you for the great resources of this nation. They make us rich, though we often exploit them.
Forgive us.

We thank you for the men and women who have made this country strong. They are models for us, though we often fall short of them.
Inspire us.

We thank you for the torch of liberty which has been lit in this land. It has drawn people from every nation, though we have often hidden from its light.
Enlighten us.

We thank you for the faith we have inherited in all its rich variety. It sustains our life, though we have been faithless again and again.
Renew us.

Help us, O Lord, to finish the good work here begun. Strengthen our efforts to blot out ignorance and prejudice, and to abolish poverty and crime. And hasten the day when all our people, with many voices in one united chorus, will glorify your holy Name.
Amen.

The Book of Common Prayer, pp. 838-839

With thanks to Margaret for the inspiration.

Image of Louisiana wetlands from Wiki.

Padre Mickey's Hagiography For The Day

Those of you who read Padre Mickey's Dance Party know what brilliant work he does with biographies of the saints of the day. If you don't read his blog, you may want to begin today. He has outdone himself.

Bang! - Happy Fourth Of July!

From Andrew Greeley in the Chicago Sun-Times:

Are the American people guilty of a war crime because of the Iraq war? Surely the leaders who cooked up the excuses for the war are. So, too, are the national media that allowed patriotism to silence them. So, too, are those ordinary Americans who almost insisted on some kind of patriotic gore. On this weekend in which we glorify -- with good reason -- our patriotism, we might examine our conscience about what phony patriotism has caused us to do. A third of the American population supported the war and has now changed its mind. It might be wise for such folk to prepare answers to the kinds of questions God might ask about phony patriotism.

Happy Birthday USA! We are 232 years old - young compared to many other countries. We've seen better times in our history, and we've seen worse times. Raise a glass of whatever you're drinking today to better times.

Photo from Liz Condo/The Advocate.

Counterlight's Farewell to Fr Jake

Fr Jake is closing down his blog. He's done a mighty work to engage us and inform us for five years. May God bless him and keep him. And now go see Counterlight's send-off. The link to Jake's "Last Words" is there, too.