Tuesday, January 25, 2011

PARAPROSDOKIANS

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality: making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt...plus a slice of lemon...and a shot of tequila.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

My usual disclaimer applies: There is nothing new under the sun.

Thanks to susan s.

ABOUT THE PRIMATES MEETING AND PRESENCE

From ENInews:
Some archbishops have told Williams they will not attend because of the presence of the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church, Katharine Jefferts Schori, and because of recent developments in her province, including the recent election of a lesbian bishop, according to a report in the Times of London.

The quote takes my breath away. Whether or not Mary Glasspool had been ordained a bishop, I expect the mere presence of the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church would have been an obstacle to the attendance of certain bishops at the Primates Meeting, because she is a woman. That the primates would object to the inclusion of Bishop Katharine seems un-Christ-like to me. What, in heaven's name, do the primates make of this passage from Luke's Gospel?
And a woman in the city, who was a sinner, having learned that he was eating in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster jar of ointment. She stood behind him at his feet, weeping, and began to bathe his feet with her tears and to dry them with her hair. Then she continued kissing his feet and anointing them with the ointment. Now when the Pharisee who had invited him saw it, he said to himself, ‘If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what kind of woman this is who is touching him—that she is a sinner.’ Jesus spoke up and said to him, ‘Simon, I have something to say to you.’ ‘Teacher,’ he replied, ‘speak.’ ‘A certain creditor had two debtors; one owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they could not pay, he cancelled the debts for both of them. Now which of them will love him more?’ Simon answered, ‘I suppose the one for whom he cancelled the greater debt.’ And Jesus said to him, ‘You have judged rightly.’ Then turning towards the woman, he said to Simon, ‘Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has bathed my feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore, I tell you, her sins, which were many, have been forgiven; hence she has shown great love. But the one to whom little is forgiven, loves little.’ Then he said to her, ‘Your sins are forgiven.’ But those who were at the table with him began to say among themselves, ‘Who is this who even forgives sins?’ And he said to the woman, ‘Your faith has saved you; go in peace.’

Luke 7:37-50

In Jesus' time and even today in areas of the Middle East, the woman washing the feet of Jesus would be viewed as an act of surpassing intimacy. That the woman was a notorious sinner made the incident all the more shocking and scandalous.

And then this from Colin Coward at The Changing Attitude:
An article about the French essayist Montaigne and
research involving macaque monkeys in the Guardian review on Saturday by Saul Frampton suggested that there is indeed something of much greater significance in the absence of a number of Primates and even in my own absence from the Primates’ meeting.

Montaigne was concerned with the power of personal presence in moral life and a fascination with how people act on, influence and affect each other through their physical being. I connect this with Christian ideas of incarnation and real presence. We are more fully ourselves and more truly living the divine nature when we are more fully embodied and really present.

A team of neuroscientists at the University of Parma discovered something surprising about the behaviour of certain neurons in the brains of macaque monkeys. The neurons fired not only when the monkeys grasped food but when they saw the experimenter grasp it. These neurons have come to be known as “mirror neurons” or “empathy neurons”. Similar neurons have been found in humans.
....

I don’t need Montaigne’s essays or macaque monkey research to tell me something I believe and know in the core of my being; that God calls us to relationship and intimacy; that getting close to other people, especially those we find difficult and who hold different views, can be uncomfortable, risky and challenging. This is the essence of the Christian faith, of the parable of the good Samaritan, the sheep and the goats, the story of the woman at the well and the power of the crucifixion itself, of Jesus standing in the same place as Pilate, and nailed between two thieves.

To me, Christmas, the celebration of the nativity of Jesus, is the greatest feast in the church. The children get it right. God became incarnate; God CAME DOWN to become one of us, as a sign of God's all-embracing love for us. The wonderful beginning of the Gospel is the part without which none of the rest of the story would have happened. That Jesus walked in the dust with his friends, looked them in the face and in the eye, touched them, ate with them, washed their feet, and allowed his feet to be washed by a woman widely known as a sinner, is a bulwark of my faith.

With Colin, I believe incarnational presence is life-giving to relationships within the Anglican Communion. We meet Jesus when we meet our brothers and sisters in the flesh. I don't mean to say that close relationships can't be formed without physical presence, but, when possible, the relationships should be nourished and solidified by presence, and the primates who won't attend the meeting because of the presence of Bishop Katharine have their Gospel priorities all wrong.

H/T to Simon Sarmiento at Thinking Anglicans for the link to ENInews.

Thanks to Mark Harris at Preludium for the link to Colin Coward's post at The Changing Attitude.

"CHURCHGOERS: THE DIFFERENT SORTS"


Click on the cartoon for the larger view.

From Dave Walker at The Cartoon Blog.

This CartoonChurch.com cartoon by Dave Walker originally appeared in the Church Times.

Dave says:
You can see a larger and more readable version of this cartoon, along with republication information, here on the main site.

I will leave you to decide which of the sort of churchgoer you are.

This is the very first cartoon from the book The Exciting World of Churchgoing. If you start at page 1 and then give up this is the only cartoon you will see. It is also the first of a large batch of cartoons (ten) I will be uploading to the CartoonChurch site over the next while or two. There will be one a day, or perhaps two a day if I am keen or none a day if I am busy.

PRAYER FOR THE PRIMATES' MEETING...

...from the Most Revd Dr Thabo Makgoba, Archbishop of Cape Town.

Lord Jesus Christ, you washed your disciples' feet,
and called them to follow your example.
Bless the leaders of our churches as they gather at the Primates' Meeting.
As they take counsel together, give them grace to grow in prayer and fellowship,
so they may bear one anothers' burdens and share one anothers' joys,
and find mutual support in their heavy responsibilities of servant leadership.
Refresh and encourage them as they meet,
and empower them to lead your people
in lives of faithful worship, witness and service,
that bring your redemptive gospel to this broken and needy world.
Amen

The meeting starts today, January 25, in Dublin, Ireland, and runs until January 30.

H/T to Torey Lightcap at The Lead

Monday, January 24, 2011

MAMIES



The video is funny, but it's not funny, if you know what I mean. That could be me in a year or two, but I must say I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.

"HEADLINES YOU HAVE TO LOVE"

From The State in South Carolina.

Shagging with Tyrone Power Jr.

I didn't say that. The newspaper headline writer said it.

From Lapin.

"BLOGGER LIFE"

This isn't actually about any specific issue at the moment, but one ongoing thing is that often people perceive my failure to comment on issue X as some sort of...well, I don't know, as meaningful in some way. Sometimes I just don't really have anything to say.

Atrios
at Eschaton.

Ah yes. Me, too, but I'd add that sometimes I have something to say, but I don't have time to address the issue.

And Atrios' blog has held on to its vast numbers of comments in the face of Facebook. Why his comments ARE a virtual Facebook! Check them out. How does he do it?

MADPRIEST TURNS PIOUS

ELSEWHERE ON THE OCICBW... EXPERIENCE

THE ANCHORHOLD: "About Spiritual Direction"and a Westminster Abbey Choir vid.

ST. LAIKA'S: Daily prayer with music. I particularly like the version of the hymn, "Lord, teach us how to pray aright," that I bunged into the service today.

Posted by MadPriest

No doubt helped along by the good influence of the lovely Ellie, who runs The Anchorhold, MadPriest has taken up praying and even posting entire prayer services on his alternate webpage, St Laika's. I suspect that the posting is done by his alter-ego, the kind, gentle, compassionate, polite MadPriest, whom we catch a glimpse of only from time to time. But, if you visit the web page, you will see that, hidden away though he may be for much of the time, the alter-ego is real.

GOLF MATCH

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched; how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the parish Monsignor.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "No, you won fair and square, and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The embarrassed pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them."


Cheers,

Paul (A.)

You're a good man, Paul (A.). What would I do without you and my other joke suppliers? Why I'd have nothing, nothing at all to keep my readers entertained.

PRAY FOR THOSE KILLED AND WOUNDED IN THE MOSCOW AIRPORT BOMBING

From the NewYork Times:

MOSCOW — A bomber strode into the arrivals hall at Moscow’s busiest airport on Monday afternoon and set off an enormous explosion, eyewitnesses and Russian officials said, leaving bodies strewn in a smoke-filled terminal while bystanders scrambled to get the wounded out on baggage carts.

Russian authorities said at least 31 people were killed and 150 injured in the attack. The Russian president, Dmitri A. Medvedev, said in televised remarks that the blast was an act of terrorism and ordered police to track down the perpetrators.

O merciful Father, who taught us in your holy word that you do not willingly afflict or grieve your children: Look with compassion upon your people who were killed and wounded in the Moscow airport. May those who died rest in peace and rise in glory. Bring healing to the wounded, for whom our prayers are offered; remember them, O Lord, in mercy. Nourish the souls of those who sorrow for their loved ones with patience, comfort them with a sense of your goodness, lift up your countenance upon them and give them peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.