Monday, March 10, 2008

I've Lost A Friend

I've lost a friend.
How did it happen?
A misunderstanding surely.

The timing was bad.
I did not know.
How did it go so wrong?

What could I have done?
Kept quiet, I suppose.
Too many words.

Prayers for his father.
Prayers for his mother.
Prayers for the one who was my friend.

For my offense, forgive me.
If I wounded, Lord bring healing.
Mend broken hearts.

Lord, have mercy.
Christ have mercy.
Lord have mercy.

June Butler 3/10/08

UPDATE: I posted this poem and a few words asking forgiveness of Jonathan in the comments at his site. I've done what I can do, and the matter is in God's hands and his.


  1. ((((Mimi))))
    I hope your friend and you will be reconciled.

  2. Not sure what transpired between you, but prayers offered for you both.

  3. Thank you, Diane and David. Your words and your prayers mean a lot to me.

  4. Chère Grandmère Mimi,

    I think it is precisely the strain of the impending surgery that got his ruff ruffed. Anyway, I am sad for the brokenness in this world -- not just between all of us who participated in the recent row but also in our AC. I hold you in prayer tonight as I close up shop -- with the simple words of Compline: The Lord Almighty grant us a peaceful night and a perfect rest.

    abrazos, Lee

  5. Amen, Lee, and thank you. Abrazos back to you.

  6. ((((((you))))))

    Prayers and love.

  7. Oh, Mimi!

    I do not want this, and I hope you both will find a way back to that, too. I hurt for you both, as many friends do, and pray these wounds be healed.

    (((Mimi))) (((Jonathan)))

    I love you.

  8. Kirstin, thanks, my friend. Love and hugs back to you.

  9. You and Jonathan, and all who love both of you, are in my prayers tonight.

    Goodnight, Grandmere.

  10. Johnieb, Kate, I do not want this either. I'm sorry to cause you and others distress. The poem is my attempt to make amends.

    Love to all.

  11. Love from this end and prayers for reconciliation.

  12. No, no no, it's ok.

    He wants to stick to his side. He doesn't want to give way.

    It's not a big deal. You both are Kind Souls.

    Let it Blow Over. MP will be OK, You will be OK, Gravy and Love for all, it's not time for "here I stand".

    Dogs just sniff each other and move on. I'm just saying...

  13. I usually just "lurk" in the background and read the comments and the blogs. I was so sad to see this unfold. I pray that you both will find a way to be friends again.

  14. prayers for reconciliation.

    MP will be OK, You will be OK,

    I pray that you both will find a way to be friends again.

    Those are my prayers and hopes. I bear MP no ill will. When I made my comment, I did not know about his father, or I would never have posted it. But, please understand, at this time, I do not feel free to post at his site.

    I sent him an email offering my prayers for his father and him and his family and asking his forgiveness. The poem is an attempt to make further amends.

    Thank you all for your love and prayers.

  15. Come back Mimi - we miss you at OCICBW - you are the heart.

  16. Y'all are held before God this night by many. I am among them.

    My Baptist roots demanded a prayer meeting, so I called one.

  17. How sad for you both but I feel sure that reconciliation will follow.

    Chin up Dear.

  18. I hope that you and MP will soon bwe reconciled - you guys are two of my favourite bloggers.

  19. Dearest Mimi- My prayers to you and to Jonathan.

    This is our journey, we come together, we fall apart and we come together again.

    Healing will come, I wish you peace and send you love.


  20. Friends, if you read the update to this post, you will see that I have done what I can do. It's in God's hands and Jonathan's now. Thank you for your prayers.

  21. Hello, my dear. It's TELP come over for a little visit. I've been working hard to stay out of this, but it's so easy for me to feel guilty (former RC. We are very carefully taught). I mean, you were defending MY position so it's gotta be MY fault, right?

    Of course, I AM wrong. It's just Maddy being Maddy. He pushes the boundaries on everything - sometimes to our great delight and sometimes to our great distress. He has a peculiar talent for hitting bottom and then, digging deeper. Doesn't know when to stop, poor lad.

    We've been here before with him. We'll no doubt be here again. And, again.

    Your poem is lovely, but I think just a wee overstated. You haven't lost a friend. You and he have just misplaced yourselves temporarily on different sides of a difficult issue.

    I, too, have sent him a note about his Dad. I will dedicate a special prayer of intention at today's noon Eucharist. That's the best I can do.

    (BTW, if you could shoot some arrow prayers for my Mother, I would be most appreciative. Thanks.)

    One last thing: You might want to stay away from that particular neighborhood for a while. Not out of anger, but just to be able to catch your breath. Clear your head. Mend your heart.

    Or, not. Whatever works toward healing this rift in your way and in God's time. I trust you both to want that because I know God does.

    Don't be worrying about the rest of us. It's you and Maddy that matter most right now.

    I love you. I love Maddy. I love absolutely everyone in the OCICBW neighborhood. And, I'll see you all after Holy Week.

    Shalom. Deep peace.

  22. Well, if it's not Her Majesty herself come for a visit with some very wise words. Elizabeth, my dear, thank you, and, it's not your fault, RC background notwithstanding. I know. I had the same upbringing. Prayers ascending for your mother and for you, too.

    All shall be well.
    And all shall be well.
    And all manner of things shall be well.

  23. Yes, all shall be well.

    I love you Grandmère Mimi. You can tell by how I always remember to put the little è on your e. I wouldn't do that for anyone else probably.

    Take care of yourself and don't fret about MP. All WILL be well... eventually.


    Oh and look at how brave I am! There are so many stories on the blogs, so much courage lived out every day. Mine is just a drop in the ocean. But, thanks for the link.

  24. Oh, Grandmere -- I know exactly how you are feeling. I've been hurt there, too. I suspect there will be no apology from Jonathan, and that saddens me. I've often had to take a break from OCICBW, when things get too intense. But I hope and pray that eventually you two will be reconciled, as I love you both, in a stranger-friend blogger sort of way. Prayers for healing and reconciliation headed your way.

  25. Mimi, take a break and a breath, but please, don't stay away too long. If MP is the father of the community, you are our beloved grandmother, and we need your balance to his lunacy to maintain our precarious existence.

    MP is as he is, and we must love him nonetheless. May the same be said of all of us.

    love, IT

  26. Just give it time... to ease your mind and to let Jonathan deal with his Dad's surgery. Blessings to both of you. Hope to see you back in the neighborhood soon!

  27. ((((((((((Mimi))))))))))))))))

    All shall be well. I know in my heart.

    Prayers for two of my favorite bloggers in the world.

  28. Lindy, I know that it will all work out.

    I do appreciate your taking the trouble with the accent, as it's a bit of a pain. There should be a hyphen in the middle like this "Grand-mère", but the hyphen plus the accent were too much, so I let the hyphen go.

    Suzer, thanks for the prayers and the good words. I have done all I can do for now, and I'm moving on. And I'm not waiting for an apology.

  29. Oh, wow! More friends dropping in while I'm writing my comment.

    IT, I do love him, but a breath and a break sound good.

    Whiteycat, yes. Time brings healing, too.

    Eileen, hugs back to you. It will be all right.

    Thanks to all of you.

  30. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mimi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    Prayers ascending for reconciliation. Both you and the MP are very beautiful people, and it breaks my heart to see such estrangement.

    Believing things will work out ....

  31. RB, thank you, love. I have no doubt that things will work out. I don't consider that we are estranged. I'm doing a little Lenten fast. That's all.

  32. ((Mimi)) Time heals, just as you reaching out helps, I am sure.

  33. Mimi, I don't know if you saw my post as the "pissy irritable cousin" in our dysfunctional OCICBW family, but you might give it a peek.

    The short version is that family has a way of trampling on each other's boundaries that is like no other. Emphasis on the word FAMILY. When you bolt from OCICBW, you bolt from all of us, and the ugly scene ends up hurting more people than just Maddy.

    TELP is right and I think she's correctly identified the stressor that made him kick the dog (or the Mimi in this case.)

    Hon, Maddy is an "utzer". He's always going to be an "utzer." And as a bit of an "utzer" myself, I can tell you that I have learned to respect the person who sets the boundaries on my "utzing" in no uncertain terms but holds his/her ground. The finest friends in my life have distinct boundaries, and I have learned that once I respected those boundaries, our love and friendship actually is free to grow.

    I think you have a great opportunity to do just that, Mimi, but it won't happen if you bolt. And really, right now, his utzing and his stiff-necked-ness is bordering on comical. He is still beating the dead horse, and the commenters are talking around him or in spite of him, and the "na na na can't hear you" quality to it is actually somewhat healing because you can tell people are shaking their heads and saying, "What the hell just happened?"

    Give it a few days. He loves you. He's just being an ass because at the moment, maybe because being an ass probably feels better than worrying about his dad.

    Also, I think he's right about his medication dulling his emotions, and he probably can at least FEEL something when he's utzing. People in that situation have told me many times they had to learn ALL over again "how to feel" when on the meds because it was all so different, and they had to practially start from scratch.

    I won't go so far as give him an excuse or a free pass, but the one avenue I might give him the benefit of a doubt, is that he may not yet have figured out how to re-wire his brain to totally feel boundaries in relationships. In that case, he needs some schoolin'. But you have to be in the schoolhouse for that to happen.

    We love you. I love you. We miss you. Nuff said.

  34. (((((((Grandmère Mimi)))))))

    I have nothing to add than what's already been said, except, ain't Lent a bitch?

    Last weekend I worked in our little patio garden -- new potting soil, root pruning, etc. After I came back in, my partner stated he was ready for the patio to be in spring bloom.

    "Patience," I told him. "It's Lent in the garden. Life will come back when it's time."

    I am such a wise patio gardner, don't you think?

  35. Mimi,
    I've spent half the day trying to talk sense into that man, many others did too. He does seem to be getting off his treadmill, let's hope he'll find it in him to get in touch with you soon.

    I so hope you'll be back, the blog just isn't half as rounded without you!
    Love and prayers, you wonderful woman who have made such a kind and caring effort to put things right.

  36. Jan, thank you. The healing has gone a good distance already, thanks be to God.

    Kirk, love, I appreciate your taking the time to speak at length here. I understand all you say, and I agree with much of it. I AM NOT BOLTING. I need a time out. I do have feelings that I cannot deny nor suppress.

    My week in New York was good for me to give me time away from my real life family, in which we are dealing with a fair amount of stress. In the same way, I need a break from OCICBW. Allow me that, please, Kirk. I've sort of lost my way over there. Had I known that Jonathan's father's surgery was imminent, I would not have engaged with him as I did.

    I know we are family. I love all of you, too. I've met beautiful people through Jonathan's blog. Families do bump up against each other and cause hurt from time to time and still remain family.

    I can't remain angry at Jonathan for long. My attention was called to the Adam and Mimi post, and it made me laugh. Is that his version of an olive branch, or is he still beating the dead horse? See what I mean about having lost my way.

    KJ, my friend who is such a nice boy, yes, Lent can be a bitch. But soon and very soon, the spring gardens will burst into bloom and we will all feel better. Until then, patience is in order.

    Erika, thank you. You are all so kind. I'm not running away. I've done what I can do for now, and as I have already said, it's in God's hands and Jonathan's. I am not looking for nor do I expect an apology. I will be back, if he'll have me. I just need a little time.

  37. Having had my own falling out with MP and then having come back I would guess that the latest post is his version of an olive branch.

    did you get my email?

  38. Dennis, I did get your email, and I answered just a while ago - somewhat late. Sorry.

    So you think it's an olive branch.

  39. Grandmere Mimi, as a lurker but frequent reader, I will also say that you are missed. You are deeply loved. We will look forward to when you feel comfortable in coming back to OCICBW. Prayers for you. Marilyn

  40. Chere G'mere (I can't do ANY diacritical markings) -- You said it is in God's hands. I think She has been busy directing typing on this comment string.

    Be well. You certainly are loved.

  41. Ma chère Grandmère, I am praying for this whole situation and send you hugs (biiiiiig Southern ones!). Time and space, time and space. As we all move into Holy Week next week, spending time on the road with Jesus, remembering his last supper, and standing at the foot of the cross will "turn us round right," as will the surprising glory of the Resurrection. And remember, Easter is a season, not just a day. Resurrection takes time. We discover it, as did the Emmaus Two, on the road with Jesus, not just on the first day of the week. Much peace to you.

  42. late to this turmoil... but may peace end all strife, and joy replace pain.

    peace to you,

  43. late to this turmoil... but may peace end all strife, and joy replace pain.

    i miss you even though I just saw you last week!

    peace to you,

  44. Marilyn, it's nice to hear that I'm missed. I shall return after a time. There's a time for everything.

    SusanKay, call me Mimi - no accents. Si, mi chiamano Mimi, you know. I still have opera on the brain, although I've yet to write about it, and I didn't hear "La Bohème".

    I send my love to all of you.

    Tobias, my love, I miss you and James and Fran already, too. It was a lovely evening, wasn't it? The four hours were all too short.

    Peace has come already, thanks be to God.

  45. Jane! I left you and your biiiiiig southern hug out. Well, in that case, a biiiiiig southern hug back to you.

    Yes, it's time to prepare to center our thoughts on Holy Week.

    And remember, Easter is a season, not just a day. Resurrection takes time.

    Perfect, Jane, just perfect.

  46. As a usual lurker who occasionally enters the fray here and at Maddie's, I'm incredibly hopeful that the recent unpleasantness will pass. You know we all give in to emotions some times. Space for reflection allows us to re-enter relationships, occasionally a bit sheepishly. I haven't been maried 29 years without several incidents of hurt, or even outrage, between us that were healed by time and good intentions.

    However, the BIG thing I want to know: Mimi at the Met for four nights?!!
    Did you win the lottery, and how great was it?(From one who dreams of the Seattle Ring in 2009)

    God's Peace to a lovely person.

  47. John D, the unpleasantness will surely pass. Indeed, it is already passing. I haven't been married for 46 years without knowing that we can hurt without meaning to, and then come together again.

    I have long wanted to hear an opera at the Met in NYC. It was one of those things I want to do before I die. The Smithsonian offered a program of four nights and four operas, and I jumped in. It was wonderful, a dream come true. I am going to write about it, I promise. I've got to get my playbills together, so I can name names. We were blessed to have four excellent production on the four nights. That's according to the experts, and not just my humble opinion.

    I also want to hear an opera at La Scala, but I don't know if that's doable. I hear good things about the Seattle opera scene. Can you believe that I have never heard a live performance of Wagner?. That's a pretty large gap.

  48. (((Grandmère))).

    All WILL be well.

    Pax, C.

  49. Mimi! Come on now, you know "Jonathan" can't help himself. Seriously, when has he ever, ever backed down from a dispute? Or apologized? (really apologized?) By all means take a break from that den of iniquity, but do come back. OCICBW is yours as much as it is his at this point.

  50. Cecilia, I know it will be. Thank you. Peace to you.

    PJ, I've already said that I don't expect an apology or that Jonathan would say he was wrong. I'm not fully mad yet. For what's left of my own sanity, I'm taking a time out.

    There's no ill will. I love you all, and although he'd hate my saying it, I love him, too. He'd abhor such soppiness.

  51. Yeah, I think that post was an olive branch too. PJ is on the money. Some folks, a person has to recognize that the best they'll ever do as an "apology" is to be silly for your sake and act better.

    P.S. I feel better knowing you're not going to bolt. I'll also add to the various "Ain't Lent a bitch" sentiments posted. It never fails--the one season of the year I am trying to be thoughtful and reflective and mindful of my own weak spots in life, one or more assholes pushes the envelope on me and I get to add "guilt for behaving badly" to the list! Sigh.

  52. Kirk, I'm not keeping a very good Lenten season so far, either. I'm trying to rescue what little time is left to focus on doing a better job of it. Thanks for your concern.

  53. Taking a time out is probably wise. Peace and love.
    Oh, and Rowan

  54. OPERA, Mimi, OPERA. We are waiting to read all about it.

    and fwiw, MP's dad is ok. Just in case you aren't visiting OCICBW for a while.


  55. NancyP, the opera is coming, it's coming, I promise. I have to do the posts about New York in chronological order, (a compulsive thing) and I have one more meet-up before the opera post.

    I knew that MP's dad was doing well. I check in there, but I'm keeping quiet for a spell. I did make an exception and leave a comment about his dad.

  56. Nuthin' special to add, just {{Mimi}}

  57. Gee-Whiz, Grandmère, my internet connection goes whacko and becomes a sometimes thing for several days and when it finally comes back (more or less) MP's father has had brain surgery and there has been some kind of huge theological dispute that I may never catch up on that has several of the family at each other's throats. I need to bite the bullet and get my own connection instead of relying on gloming onto my neighbors' wifi, how else am I ever going to be able to keep up with what y'all are up to?

  58. P.S.
    Add to the above. Prayers are ascending for all concerned about all concerns.

  59. Boocat, thank you for the prayers. Yes, it was quite a dust-up, wasn't it? And public, too. It's a wonder the New York Times didn't pick up the story.

    You've got to get connected, my friend.


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