A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.Thanks to Ann for my first smile of the morning.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.
This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?"
YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS ....
This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on!"
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
THE TALKING CENTIPEDE
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A P Herbert wrote a great poem about centipedes (& millipedes)
ReplyDeleteThe Centipede
The centipede is not quite nice;
He lives in idleness and vice;
He has a hundred legs.
He also has a hundred wives,
And each of these if she survives
Has just a hundred eggs;
So that’s the reason if you pick
Up any boulder, stone or brick
You nearly always find
A swarm of centipedes concealed;
They scatter far across the field,
But one remains behind.
And you may reckon then, my son,
That not alone that luckless one
Lies pitiful and torn,
But millions more of either sex-
100 multiplied by X-
Will never now be born;
I dare say it will make you sick,
But so does all Arithmetic.
The gardener says, I ought to add,
The centipede is not so bad;
He rather likes the brutes.
The millipede is what he loathes;
He uses wild bucolic oaths
Because it eats his roots;
And every gardener is agreed
That if you see a centipede
Conversing with a milli-
On one of them you drop a stone,
The other one you leave alone-
I think that’s rather silly;
They may be right, but what I say
Is “Can one stand around all day
And count the creature's legs?”
It has too many, anyway,
And any moment it may lay,
Another hundred eggs!
So if I see a thing like …. this,
I murmur, “Without prejudice”,
And knock it on the head;
And if I see a thing like …. that,
I take a brick and squash it flat;
In either case it's dead.
L F Antyne, thank you for the poem. I've seen it before, but I'm delighted to read it again, despite the violence. You know, Albert Schweitzer would have let the poor critters live.
ReplyDeleteNot an easy poem to find, at least not in retrievable form. Loved it when I was a kid but guess it's gone out of fashion.
ReplyDeleteNo, the poem is not easy to find. I did not find the text. I wanted to see if it was still under copyright.
ReplyDeleteHerbert wrote novels and plays in addition to poems.
He was a barrister and wrote a lot of witty "Rumpole before Rumpole" short stories and fake case histories. Probably still worth dipping into. V. much suspect Mortimer got the Rumpole idea from him. The poem was published in 1920 & so would be out of copyright by now, at least in the US under the law then in effect.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this wonderful entry. I learned this poem many, many years ago, and to keep my sanity during this pandemic, have taken to recite all poetry learned just to make sure my brain has not turned to mush. however, I could not remember the second verse. So again,thank you for the comments about the centipede.
ReplyDeleteI'm pleased you enjoyed the poem.
Delete