What if there were no hypothetical questions?Don't blame me. Blame him up there.
Is Santa so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live?
I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If a deaf person swears in sign language, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Have a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year!
Cheers,
Paul (A.)
Monday, January 2, 2012
POINTS TO PONDER IN THE NEW YEAR
WARNING: Not 100% PC.
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And since when has Mimi been politically correct?
ReplyDeletePaul (A.), I'm turning over a new leaf in 2012. Watch for the new, improved Wounded Bird.
ReplyDeletegood luck with that, GM.
ReplyDeletemy wv is yesses...so perfect.
Why is it that we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
ReplyDeleteAnd if you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?
A shipment goes by car, yet a cargo goes by ship.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, Mark, there is also air cargo and even airships. Why are there still monkeys?
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, Paul (A.)! I'm sure you will maintain your high standard of humor in 2012.
ReplyDeleteMark Harris, you seem doubtful.
ReplyDeleteI love it when my readers get into the spirit of the post and play the game with such cleverness.
whiteycat, I so hope Paul (A.)'s standards of humor didn't peak in 2011, because I still need his support. Onward and upward!
A fly without wings? I have worked with wingless fruit flies. Useful for some purposes since they can't you know, get away.
ReplyDeleteIf I have reason to culture them again, I'll remember to call them fruit walks. --Or, mmmm, maybe not.
"If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?"
Hungry hell, you'd explode!
Fruit walks? I dunno, Porlock. It doesn't sound PC to me, and I'm trying to turn over a new leaf.
ReplyDelete