PONDERISMS

1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2. There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead.

3. Life is sexually transmitted.

4. Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

5. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7. Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

10. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

11. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out"?  Hmm...  I have the same question about eggs.

12. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

13. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

14. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

15. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

I may have published a number of the ponderisms before, but a few were new to me and made me laugh out loud.