Elaine And Pain

MadPriest has a pain in the neck. I have a pain in the knee. All of this is getting to be a large PITA. I offer this bit of dialog from "Seinfeld":

ELAINE'S OFFICE - DAY

Elaine is sitting at her desk smelling a pen.

ELAINE (thinking): This pen smells really bad. So why do I keep smelling it? Is it too late for me to go to law school?

There's a knock on the door and several co-workers enter with a cake.

ELAINE: What is this?

MALE WORKER: You were out sick yesterday, so we got you a get-well cake.

FEMALE WORKER: It's carrot. It's good for you.

WORKERS (singing): Get well get well soon, we wish you to get--

ELAINE: Stop it! That's not even a song! I mean, now we're celebrating a sick day?

MALE WORKER: I think it's nice.

ELAINE: What? What is nice? Trying to fill the void in your life with flour and sugar and egg and vanilla? I mean, we are all unhappy. Do we have to be fat, too? Not you Becky, I know you have a slow metabolism. I don't want one more piece of cake in my office!

Another worker enters late.

WORKER (singing): Get well, get well soon--

MALE WORKER: It's not happening.

They all start to leave disappointed.

BECKY: Can we still eat it?

So much for pain. Get thee away from us, Pain! I want laughs!

Do go and offer prayers and sympathy to MadPriest. He's worse off than I am.

Photo from Wiki.

"Embodied Fel(in)icity"

Today's must-read is from Tobias at In a Godward Direction. The picture above is none other than Her Royal Highness Augusta Victoria, who reigns at the rectory.

Speaking Of Knees

With two runners on base and a strike against her, Sara Tucholsky of Western Oregon University uncorked her best swing and did something she had never done, in high school or college. She hit her first home run, which cleared the center field fence.

But it looked like the shortest of dreams-come-true when she missed first base, started back to tag it, and collapsed with a knee injury.

She crawled back to first but could do no more. The first base coach said she would be called out if her teammates tried to help her. Or, the umpire said, a pinch-runner could be called in, and the homer would count as just a single.

Then, members of the Central Washington University softball team stunned their home crowd in Ellensburg by carrying Tucholsky around the bases Saturday so the three-run homer would count - an act that contributed to their own elimination from the playoffs.

First baseman for Central Washington University, Mallory Holtman:

"In the end, it is not about winning and losing so much," Holtman said, "It was about this girl. She hit it over the fence and was in pain, and she deserved a home run."

Link to the story from Ann, who said, "I love this story - one because of the action and two - because I love softball and baseball."

I love it, too. Thanks, Ann

From CBS News.

New Napa Valley Wine

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as..

PINO MORE

I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE

I'll bet even Dennis, the former wine merchant, doesn't know about this one.

From the ever faithful Doug.

All About Me

With the run of news about folks with life-threatening diseases and difficult surgeries and all manner of other serious troubles, I feel rather self-indulgent posting my complaint. For the past three days, I have been housebound, because of a painful knee. I didn't fall or injure myself, except that I noticed a twinge in the knee when I was getting out of the bathtub the other day.

Later that day, as I was taking my walk, my knee began to hurt, but like a dummy, I didn't stop and head for home until I was at my turnaround point. By the time I got back home, the knee was quite painful. The next day the pain came with force. I haven't hurt this much since I broke my shoulder several years ago. Walking, standing, sitting down, lying down, no matter, it hurts. When I bend the knee or straighten it, the pain is excruciating. I can barely hobble along holding my leg stiff.

I like to take a day or two to see if nature or God will resolve a problem before rushing to the doctor, if the problem is not life-threatening, probably another dumb decision, in this instance. Anyway, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. If you will, please pray that he will find the problem and that it can be treated, preferably without a knife. Thank you.

UPDATE: From Ann comes word that St. Roch is the man for knees if you care to ask the saint to intercede.

UPDATE 2: I'm sure it would be helpful if Rowan, Scout, Clumber, and Grendel could lick my knee.

UPDATE 3: I saw the doctor, got a steroid shot, and now we shall see.

Feast Of The Ascension

Miniature from Rabbula Gospels (Mesopotamia, 6th century)

READINGS:

AM Psalm 8, 47; PM Psalm 24, 96
Dan. 7:9-14; Heb. 2:5-18; Matt. 28:16-20

COLLECT:

Almighty God, whose blessed Son our Savior Jesus Christ ascended far above all heavens that he might fill all things: Mercifully give us faith to perceive that, according to his promise, he abides with his Church on earth, even to the end of the ages; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.

MadPriest at Of Course, I Could Be Wrong has posted a sermon which he titles "Liberationist Sermon for Ascension Day, May Day and International Workers' Day". That covers all the bases, don't you think? Here are a few excerpts, but please click the link and read the whole sermon.

I love the Church Calendar. The high days and holy days, and especially the seasons of the Church year. They make me feel comfortable and part of something very ancient and which will continue, hopefully, long after I’m gone. Every year the liturgy, attached, as it is, to the calendar of the Church, leads me on a journey which is paradoxically, both, always the same and, if you are open to the Spirit of God, always full of novelty and new experiences.
....

The first season of the church year to evolve was Easter. The feast days of Easter Sunday, Ascension Day and Pentecost have been celebrated for over 1700 years - we don’t know exactly how long because we don’t have the records to give us exact dates. It seems almost certain that the season of Easter ran from Easter Day to Pentecost before 300 A. D. And that is the period of time we keep to today.
....

On Ascension Day, the Church, however you wish to define it, is handed over to us. It is the parting gift of Jesus. With the Church comes adult responsibility but, on the Day of Pentecost we will discover how God will help us take on that responsibility. Easter is not yet over. Hang on in there just a little while longer.
....

There is another theme in today’s commemoration that I would like to draw your attention to as I finish this sermon, as it is a very important them for us. This year, Ascension Day has fallen on the 1st. of May. That’s purely coincidental but it’s also very useful for our education. It is May Day, an ancient festival on which we look forward to the Summer and hope for clement weather that will bring us a bounteous harvest.

If today wasn’t Ascension Day, in the Roman Catholic Church they would be celebrating the feast of Joseph the Worker and it is, most definitely, the International Day of the Worker on which the working people of the world celebrate the fact that they are people of value and when they hope for fairer wages and for precious time to be returned to them to be enjoyed with their families, friends and, in some cases, with their god.

We Christians should celebrate these festivals as well. We should celebrate May Day and pray for a bounteous harvest, especially at this time when how much we’ve messed up our environment is becoming increasingly apparent. We should celebrate with the working people and share their hopes and burdens because Jesus tells us to. But, as Christians, we also have our own hopes, and on this day when we commemorate Christ ascending to his Father, our hope, our great and certain hope, is that he will return to his people to gather in the harvest at the end of days. And our hope, as always, is that he will come soon.

Image from Wiki.

"Mission Accomplished"

Today is the fifth anniversary of George W. Bush's appearance on the aircraft carrier to announce "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq - a milestone, surely.

U.S. Troops Killed: 2003 - 139; 2008 - 4063

U.S. Troops Wounded: 2003 - 542; 2008 - 29,000

From Greg Mitchell at the Huffington Post:

Feel free to dust off all the great quotes from that day, such as Chris Matthews gushing over Bush, "He won the war. He was an effective commander. Everybody recognizes that, I believe, except a few critics." As Bush spoke before the Mission Accomplished banner, American casualties stood at 139 killed and 542 wounded. That was nearly 4000 lives lost ago, and a Rand Corp. study released this month reveals that we now have 300,000 vets with mental problems of some sort.

Just to remind you: The jet landing with Bush emerging in his flight suit and cod piece, it turned out, was a pure stunt. The White House had said that the Abraham Lincoln was too far offshore for the usual helicopter landing, but when the big moment arrived the carrier was only 30 miles off San Diego, an easy trip by copter.

Yes, "a pure stunt". That covers it. At the time, I had a brief quarrel/disagreement with my neighbor, because I said that I thought that Bush looked like a buffoon. My neighbor protested vigorously, saying that it was a great moment for Bush and for the troops and that it would serve to boost their morale immeasurably.



Our president in his great moment.

Preachin' From The Heart

As a young minister in Missouri, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be buried there.

I was not familiar with the backwoods area, and I soon became lost. Being a typical man, I did not stop to ask for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the open grave, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. The digging crew was eating lunch.

I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and I stepped to the side of the open grave. There I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, as I told them that this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around the grave and stood silently, as I began to pour out my heart and soul.

As I preached about "looking forward to a brighter tomorrow" and "the glory that is to come," the workers began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord," and "Glory!" The fervor of these men truly inspired me. So, I preached and I preached like I had never preached before, all the way from Genesis to Revelations. I finally closed the lengthy service with a prayer, thanked the men, and walked to my car.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, heard one of the workers say to another, "I ain't NEVER seen nothin' like that before, and I've been puttin' in septic tanks for thirty years."

Posted with gratitude to Lapin.

No, Bishop Robinson

From Jim Naughton at The Lead at the Episcopal Café:

Citing fears of creating a controversy, Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury has refused to grant Bishop Gene Robinson of New Hampshire, the right to preach or preside at the eucharist in England. Robinson received the news in an email yesterday morning.

Sources familiar with the email say Williams cites the Windsor Report and recent statements from the Primates Meeting in refusing to grant Robinson permission to exercise his priestly functions during his current trip to England, or during the trip he plans during the Lambeth Conference in July and August.

The Windsor Report does not discuss the ordination of a candidate in a gay relationship to the priesthood, and it is priestly, rather than episcopal functions that Robinson had sought permission to perform. The primates' statements, similarly, have objected to Robinson's episcopacy, not his priesthood.

Not only is a duly elected and duly consecrated bishop of the Episcopal Church not invited to attend the Lambeth Conference, he is forbidden to exercise his priestly functions while on English soil. This seems harsh.

Does the Archbishop of Canterbury not know that controversy already exists? Does he think that this decision will make the controversy go away? Does he not know that he will further alienate many in the US? Does he not care?

The email, which came to Robinson through a Lambeth official, says Williams believes that giving Robinson permission to preach and preside at the Eucharist would be construed as an acceptance of the ministry of a controversial figure within the Communion.

Perish the thought of a "controversial figure" exercising ministry on English soil. I can't help wondering if Jesus would pass the test. There appears to be some question as to whether the archbishop has the power to to withhold permission, but Bp. Robinson, gentleman that he is, says he would never exercise his ministry without the permission of the Archbishop of Canterbury. It seems rather impolite on the part of the archbishop that the responsibility to answer Bp. Robinson appears to have been delegated to an underling and that it was done by email.

UPDATE: With thanks to IT in the comments at Fr. Jakes' place:

And here's to you, Bishop Robinson,
Jesus loves you more than you will know.
God bless you, please, Bishop Robinson.
Heaven holds a place for those who pray,
Hey, hey, hey

Leroy Goes To A Revival

Leroy goes to a revival meeting and listens to the preacher. After his sermon, the preacher asks anyone with needs a personal prayer to come forward to the front at the altar. Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

"Reverend," Leroy replies, "I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places his other hand on top of Leroy's head. He prays and prays and prays. After several minutes, the preacher removes his hands, smiles, and takes a step back. "Leroy," he asks, loud enough for everybody to hear, "how is your hearing now?"

"I don't know, Reverend," Leroy says. "It ain't till next Wednesday."

Thanks to Doug.