1. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. 'Which one?' I asked. 'The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion She answered.'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking upon a woman I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning?''It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste' the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY---
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied, 'No Doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'.
Dr Wouldn't submit his name.
With gratitude to Doug.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Before And After
Image from AP.
Image from NDTV.
Taliban militants covered their faces before they executed two women on Saturday in Ghazni province, Afghanistan, alleging that they were organizers of a sex ring catering to US soldiers and foreign contractors.
A spokesman for the local governor says that they were "innocent local people." Summary execution without trial.
The pictures above showing the women awaiting their execution and after being killed are horrifying. They haunt me. I'm sorry if any of you find them offensive, but we need to know that the situation in Afghanistan is getting worse, much worse.
This terrible news comes on the heels of the news of the nine US soldiers killed in Afghanistan over the weekend.
Driving Drunk And Left Of Center
From the Daily Comet:
THIBODAUX – Nicholls State University’s student-affairs director was arrested early Saturday for drunken driving after a state trooper allegedly observed him driving on the wrong side on a city thoroughfare.
Eugene Dial, 52, the university’s vice president of Student Services, was brought to the Lafourche Parish jail where he was issued a court summons for driving while intoxicated and driving left of center.
....
Dial maintains a high profile on the Nicholls campus because of his involvement with student safety and security issues. He also wrote the school’s first drug- and alcohol-abuse grant, he said.
One wonders why Eugene volunteered that bit of information.
THIBODAUX – Nicholls State University’s student-affairs director was arrested early Saturday for drunken driving after a state trooper allegedly observed him driving on the wrong side on a city thoroughfare.
Eugene Dial, 52, the university’s vice president of Student Services, was brought to the Lafourche Parish jail where he was issued a court summons for driving while intoxicated and driving left of center.
....
Dial maintains a high profile on the Nicholls campus because of his involvement with student safety and security issues. He also wrote the school’s first drug- and alcohol-abuse grant, he said.
One wonders why Eugene volunteered that bit of information.
Happy Bastille Day!
Counterlight reminds me:
Happy Bastille Day ma cher Grandmere!
Will you be joining President Sarkozy and me for champagne and cigars again this year?
Why, of course, Counterlight! I wouldn't miss it for anything. May we invite Jane R.? She grew up in Paris.
Did the video give you your fill of French triumphalism?
In New Orleans, the celebration seems to have gone to the dogs.
Monday is Bastille Day, the celebration of the day in 1789 when a Parisian mob stormed the Bastille. It is France's national holiday, and a day to celebrate all things French, especially here in a former French colony.
One of the best characteristics of the French is how much they love their dogs. France has been the birthplace of some wonderful dog breeds.
The Bassett hound is is a French breed. My son has three, a mother, a father, and a son, and they are all getting old and having a series of medical problems. Poor babies. My son's wallet is taking a hit, too.
UPDATE: My son just called and told me that Babs, their Bassett who is 11 years old, has cancer of the spleen. The cancer is too far gone for treatment. She will have about three months or until she becomes uncomfortable. She is one of the sweetest dogs I have ever known. She had 10 puppies when she was a young lady, and took beautiful care of them. Trigger is the daddy, and Junior is their son.
Ooh la la!
From Luiz At Lambeth
Plucked from the comments because I thought it should see the light of day:
Luiz Coelho said...
All I can say is that as far as I know, some of us are gay, many more are straight... and among us, so far, it has been a non-issue. Even when we touch delicate issues, such as having to block certain people (including Gene Robinson) from some activities, I could feel that our supervisors, and most of the stewards, were really willing to overcome the differences and deal with all those delicate matters as gracefully as possible.
All those days have been such a blessing and the routine of worship 2 (sometimes 3) times a day has really been such a blessing to our spiritual lives. I've been crying on practically all services. Members from all religious orders of the Anglican Communion have joined us in worship. It's such a blessing to have them among us.
Today, Sarah (a steward here from England) preached a lovely sermon on putting our hope in Christ, and not in X, Y or Z. Sadly, many of the delegates (as we were taught to call bishops, spouses and their crews) will already come with an agenda and (God forbid) an unwillingness to worship together. I just pray they really get to pray and worship with each other, and learn more about one another.
We understand here at the University none of the "parties" is allowed to have their center of activities. Some of the fringe events will happen in rooms here, and the marketplace will have booths several of them have rented. However, the first days will be a retreat, and an opportunity for prayer and reflection. I really hope the bishops and spouses engage with their brothers and sisters.
The indaba method of discussion so far looks very interesting, and the objective here is not to have any plenaries, any power struggles, but a final document which represents the voices of the communion, and which gives all sides the opportunity to talk about themselves.
And an extra note that *has to* be said. Most of the rooms and accomodations here are as spartan as they can be without being uncomfortable. Much has been said about Lambeth being a cocktail party and a waste of money. All I can say is that, truly, at least this Lambeth is trying to be as cheap, environment friendly and modest as possible. Most of the people working here are volunteers. Bishops and spouses will basically live in UKent dorms and there's nothing really fancy about rooms that are being used.
From Wiki:
Indaba - The term comes from a Zulu language word, meaning "business" or "matter".
Current usage
The term has found widespread use throughout Southern Africa and often simply means gathering or meeting.
It is also used in the scout movement. The World Scout Indaba is a gathering of Scout Leaders.
The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, used the expression when he announced, in in April 2008, a move away from plenary meetings voting on formal resolutions for bishops attending the 2008 Lambeth Conference. He introduced "middle sized groups for discussion of larger issues", saying:-
"We have given these the African name of indaba groups, groups where in traditional African culture, people get together to sort out the problems that affect them all, where everyone has a voice and where there is an attempt to find a common mind or a common story that everyone is able to tell when they go away from it. This is how we approached it. This is what we heard. This is where we arrived as we prayed and thought and talked together."
Luiz Coelho said...
All I can say is that as far as I know, some of us are gay, many more are straight... and among us, so far, it has been a non-issue. Even when we touch delicate issues, such as having to block certain people (including Gene Robinson) from some activities, I could feel that our supervisors, and most of the stewards, were really willing to overcome the differences and deal with all those delicate matters as gracefully as possible.
All those days have been such a blessing and the routine of worship 2 (sometimes 3) times a day has really been such a blessing to our spiritual lives. I've been crying on practically all services. Members from all religious orders of the Anglican Communion have joined us in worship. It's such a blessing to have them among us.
Today, Sarah (a steward here from England) preached a lovely sermon on putting our hope in Christ, and not in X, Y or Z. Sadly, many of the delegates (as we were taught to call bishops, spouses and their crews) will already come with an agenda and (God forbid) an unwillingness to worship together. I just pray they really get to pray and worship with each other, and learn more about one another.
We understand here at the University none of the "parties" is allowed to have their center of activities. Some of the fringe events will happen in rooms here, and the marketplace will have booths several of them have rented. However, the first days will be a retreat, and an opportunity for prayer and reflection. I really hope the bishops and spouses engage with their brothers and sisters.
The indaba method of discussion so far looks very interesting, and the objective here is not to have any plenaries, any power struggles, but a final document which represents the voices of the communion, and which gives all sides the opportunity to talk about themselves.
And an extra note that *has to* be said. Most of the rooms and accomodations here are as spartan as they can be without being uncomfortable. Much has been said about Lambeth being a cocktail party and a waste of money. All I can say is that, truly, at least this Lambeth is trying to be as cheap, environment friendly and modest as possible. Most of the people working here are volunteers. Bishops and spouses will basically live in UKent dorms and there's nothing really fancy about rooms that are being used.
From Wiki:
Indaba - The term comes from a Zulu language word, meaning "business" or "matter".
Current usage
The term has found widespread use throughout Southern Africa and often simply means gathering or meeting.
It is also used in the scout movement. The World Scout Indaba is a gathering of Scout Leaders.
The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, used the expression when he announced, in in April 2008, a move away from plenary meetings voting on formal resolutions for bishops attending the 2008 Lambeth Conference. He introduced "middle sized groups for discussion of larger issues", saying:-
"We have given these the African name of indaba groups, groups where in traditional African culture, people get together to sort out the problems that affect them all, where everyone has a voice and where there is an attempt to find a common mind or a common story that everyone is able to tell when they go away from it. This is how we approached it. This is what we heard. This is where we arrived as we prayed and thought and talked together."
The Human Body Is Full Of Wonder
The human body is a machine that is full of wonder.
This collection of human body facts will leave you won
dering why in the heck we were designed the way we were.
1. Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.
2. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg.
3. The smallest is the male sperm.
4. You use 200 muscles to take one step.
5. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
6. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
7. A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.
8. A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
9. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
10. The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
11. It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
12. The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
13. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
14. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
15. There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
16. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
17. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
18 Your teeth start developing (in your gums) 6 months before you are born.
19. When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
20. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people.
21. Your thumb is the same length as your nose.
22. At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test .. now remove your thumb from your nose!
Doug and I thought you'd like to know.
This collection of human body facts will leave you won
dering why in the heck we were designed the way we were.
1. Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.
2. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg.
3. The smallest is the male sperm.
4. You use 200 muscles to take one step.
5. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
6. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
7. A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.
8. A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
9. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
10. The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
11. It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
12. The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
13. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
14. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
15. There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
16. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
17. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
18 Your teeth start developing (in your gums) 6 months before you are born.
19. When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
20. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people.
21. Your thumb is the same length as your nose.
22. At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test .. now remove your thumb from your nose!
Doug and I thought you'd like to know.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
"Fear Not! Gene Robinson preaches at Putney"
From Walking With Integrity:
It was a lovely evening, St. Mary's Church Putney was crammed full, the music was beautiful, and there he stood, all alone in front of the altar.
He bowed his head and said, "Lord, I feel like a boy."
It was a reference to the reading from Jeremiah 1.4-9, read by Susan Russell:
"Now the word of the Lord came to me saying,
`Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
and before you were born I consecrated you;
I appointed you a prophet to the nations.'
Then I said, `Ah, Lord God! Truly I do not know how
to speak, for I am only a boy.' But the Lord God said to me,
`Do not say, `I am only a boy'; for you shall go to all to
whom I send you, and you shall speak whatever I
command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with
you to deliver you, says the Lord.'
Then the Lord put out his hand and touched
my mouth; and the Lord said to me,
"Now I have put my words in your mouth.'"
As he spoke, the roar of cameras clicking and the strobe of camera flashes filled the sacred space as the still photographers of the secular press took advantage of the 90 seconds granted them to take photos of the bishop of New Hampshire doing this radical thing -- preaching in a church in England.
Read the rest of this beautiful account by Katie Sherrod of Gene preaching at St. Mary's Church in Putney. Yes, this is the service that was interrupted by the heckler.
Thanks to LP for calling this to my attention.
It was a lovely evening, St. Mary's Church Putney was crammed full, the music was beautiful, and there he stood, all alone in front of the altar.
He bowed his head and said, "Lord, I feel like a boy."
It was a reference to the reading from Jeremiah 1.4-9, read by Susan Russell:
"Now the word of the Lord came to me saying,
`Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
and before you were born I consecrated you;
I appointed you a prophet to the nations.'
Then I said, `Ah, Lord God! Truly I do not know how
to speak, for I am only a boy.' But the Lord God said to me,
`Do not say, `I am only a boy'; for you shall go to all to
whom I send you, and you shall speak whatever I
command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with
you to deliver you, says the Lord.'
Then the Lord put out his hand and touched
my mouth; and the Lord said to me,
"Now I have put my words in your mouth.'"
As he spoke, the roar of cameras clicking and the strobe of camera flashes filled the sacred space as the still photographers of the secular press took advantage of the 90 seconds granted them to take photos of the bishop of New Hampshire doing this radical thing -- preaching in a church in England.
Read the rest of this beautiful account by Katie Sherrod of Gene preaching at St. Mary's Church in Putney. Yes, this is the service that was interrupted by the heckler.
Thanks to LP for calling this to my attention.
Bishop Gene With Ian McKellen
Andrew Marr of the BBC interviewed Bishop Gene Robinson and the great actor, Ian McKellen, who is also gay. Gene radiates the love of God in the interview, and Ian McKellen is, as always, a delight to watch. Here's a link to the
Here is a transcript of the video from the BBC.
Here is a transcript of the video from the BBC.
From Our Allie At Lambeth
Remember Allie Graham for whom we asked a little financial help to defray her travel expenses to work as a steward at Lambeth? Help came in, thanks to you, my readers and others, and she is now there and blogging at Tales From A Lambeth Steward.
The picture above shows what the stewards will wear as they perform their duties. They look like outfits for traffic guards, which I suppose they are in a way, shuffling people here and there to their proper places.
Below is a picture of Allie with our beloved Luiz Coelho. Allie says:
In case you are interested, here is a picture of me with fellow blogger, Luiz Coelho.
Luiz and I both serve on the Stewards Worship Group, and its been wonderful working with him and getting to know him.
Allie, we are quite interested. Don't they make a lovely couple? Go to Allie's blog to see more pictures and read about the work the stewards will actually be doing.
In the next day or so, I hope to make a list of bloggers at Lambeth and post it on the sidebar for the duration of the conference.
UPDATE: I fixed the picture of Allie and Luiz a little.
Bishop Gene Heckled During Sermon
From TransWorldNews:
Gene Robinson, an openly gay U.S. bishop was forced to stop his sermon at a west London church after a member of the congregation began to heckle him, calling him a “heretic” and demanding he “repent.”
Robinson began his sermon declaring the Anglican Church was tearing itself apart but was interrupted by the man who shouted it was the bishop’s fault for the fracture.
Robinson halted his sermon while a hymnal began playing. The man was escorted from the south west London church at which time Robinson resumed his sermon and asked for the congregation to pray for the man.
Here's the video from the BBC. It isn't pretty.
Gene Robinson, an openly gay U.S. bishop was forced to stop his sermon at a west London church after a member of the congregation began to heckle him, calling him a “heretic” and demanding he “repent.”
Robinson began his sermon declaring the Anglican Church was tearing itself apart but was interrupted by the man who shouted it was the bishop’s fault for the fracture.
Robinson halted his sermon while a hymnal began playing. The man was escorted from the south west London church at which time Robinson resumed his sermon and asked for the congregation to pray for the man.
Here's the video from the BBC. It isn't pretty.
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