Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knicker's.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' ......Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!
From the darling daughter.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Cajun Hurricane Survival Kit
Toilet Paper..................................check
Bud Light...........................................check
Keystone Ice........................................check
Budweiser.........................................check
Red Dog.............................................check
Misc. other bottles of alcohol......................check
Piece of plywood to float your old lady and booze on ...... check
God love dem Cajuns!
Please! Don't tell me this is not PC. I am a Cajun, so it's OK for me to post jokes like this. I can also post demeaning jokes about the French, the English, the Spanish, the Portuguese, and the Germans, because I am all of those, too.
Bud Light...........................................check
Keystone Ice........................................check
Budweiser.........................................check
Red Dog.............................................check
Misc. other bottles of alcohol......................check
Piece of plywood to float your old lady and booze on ...... check
God love dem Cajuns!
Please! Don't tell me this is not PC. I am a Cajun, so it's OK for me to post jokes like this. I can also post demeaning jokes about the French, the English, the Spanish, the Portuguese, and the Germans, because I am all of those, too.
Obama's Faith
From Jon Meacham in Newsweek:
The tradition of which Obama is a part is best exemplified by another of his heroes: Lincoln. "Probably it is my lot to go on in a twilight, feeling and reasoning my way through life, as questioning, doubting Thomas did," Lincoln, who belonged to no church, said. "But in my poor, maimed way, I bear with me as I go on seeking a spirit of desire for a faith that was with him of olden time, who, in his need, as I in mine, exclaimed, 'Help thou my unbelief'." He added: "I doubt the possibility, or propriety, of settling the religion of Jesus Christ in the models of man-made creeds and dogmas … I cannot without mental reservations assent to long and complicated creeds and catechisms."
....
Asked about what he has learned from Lincoln's spiritual journey, Obama tells NEWSWEEK: "My religious influences extend to the Founding Fathers, and I would include Lincoln in that category. Because these were men driven by reason and were full of skepticism and doubt. So much so that some of them considered themselves deists as opposed to strict Christians as we'd call them. But look at somebody like Lincoln: [he] starts off, as far as we can tell, a deeply skeptical but powerfully moral person who, as he finds himself in the midst of history and potential cataclysm, feels it necessary to hang on to a more explicit belief in providence and faith. And so that resonates with me. I think that there's a place where, the more seriously you take the world and the more you find yourself struggling with good and evil and war and the great moral questions of the day, the more you have to fall back on some sort of north star. Or you get lost. The kinds of issues that might get confronted are so difficult that the weight you carry was so great, that the possibilities of paralysis are—Lincoln himself acknowledged are—sometimes too present. What gets him out of bed, that's powerful stuff."
Powerful stuff is right. Obama's models in the spiritual journey are Lincoln and the Founding Fathers. Not bad at all. But can the majority of citizens in the US, which is fast hurtling toward becoming a theocracy, stand this sort of honesty and ambiguity?
After reading the articles in Newsweek on Obama's faith, my estimation of the magazine has risen a few notches.
Here's the link to the longer article on Obama and faith. He sounds thoughtful and intelligent. What a breath of fresh air compared to the man who presently "serves" in the office of the president. I'm shedding tears that we've had someone like Bush as president for seven and one half years. I pray for relief and someone of a completely different type, next time around. Lord, have mercy upon us.
The tradition of which Obama is a part is best exemplified by another of his heroes: Lincoln. "Probably it is my lot to go on in a twilight, feeling and reasoning my way through life, as questioning, doubting Thomas did," Lincoln, who belonged to no church, said. "But in my poor, maimed way, I bear with me as I go on seeking a spirit of desire for a faith that was with him of olden time, who, in his need, as I in mine, exclaimed, 'Help thou my unbelief'." He added: "I doubt the possibility, or propriety, of settling the religion of Jesus Christ in the models of man-made creeds and dogmas … I cannot without mental reservations assent to long and complicated creeds and catechisms."
....
Asked about what he has learned from Lincoln's spiritual journey, Obama tells NEWSWEEK: "My religious influences extend to the Founding Fathers, and I would include Lincoln in that category. Because these were men driven by reason and were full of skepticism and doubt. So much so that some of them considered themselves deists as opposed to strict Christians as we'd call them. But look at somebody like Lincoln: [he] starts off, as far as we can tell, a deeply skeptical but powerfully moral person who, as he finds himself in the midst of history and potential cataclysm, feels it necessary to hang on to a more explicit belief in providence and faith. And so that resonates with me. I think that there's a place where, the more seriously you take the world and the more you find yourself struggling with good and evil and war and the great moral questions of the day, the more you have to fall back on some sort of north star. Or you get lost. The kinds of issues that might get confronted are so difficult that the weight you carry was so great, that the possibilities of paralysis are—Lincoln himself acknowledged are—sometimes too present. What gets him out of bed, that's powerful stuff."
Powerful stuff is right. Obama's models in the spiritual journey are Lincoln and the Founding Fathers. Not bad at all. But can the majority of citizens in the US, which is fast hurtling toward becoming a theocracy, stand this sort of honesty and ambiguity?
After reading the articles in Newsweek on Obama's faith, my estimation of the magazine has risen a few notches.
Here's the link to the longer article on Obama and faith. He sounds thoughtful and intelligent. What a breath of fresh air compared to the man who presently "serves" in the office of the president. I'm shedding tears that we've had someone like Bush as president for seven and one half years. I pray for relief and someone of a completely different type, next time around. Lord, have mercy upon us.
The Word From Friends At Lambeth
Our young friend Allie, who is "doing the Lambeth walk" as a steward, gives us the scoop on the colour coded lanyards at Lambeth - who wears which colour. As you will see, Allie has already been infected by the English spelling, and - Alas! - I seem to have caught the virus, too. Poor baby is having technical difficulties. Let's hope she gets that fixed soon.
Our other friend, the ever young-at-heart, Elizabeth Kaeton, has a great story from Lambeth 10 years ago when she was a famous first.
Our other friend, the ever young-at-heart, Elizabeth Kaeton, has a great story from Lambeth 10 years ago when she was a famous first.
The Place Where We Are Right
From the place where we are right
Flowers will never grow
In the spring.
The place where we are right
Is hard and trampled
Like a yard.
But doubts and loves
Dig up the world
Like a mole, a plow.
And a whisper will be heard in the place
Where the ruined
House once stood.
Israeli poet Yehuda Amichai
With thanks to Ann.
Flowers will never grow
In the spring.
The place where we are right
Is hard and trampled
Like a yard.
But doubts and loves
Dig up the world
Like a mole, a plow.
And a whisper will be heard in the place
Where the ruined
House once stood.
Israeli poet Yehuda Amichai
With thanks to Ann.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I Was Thirsty....
From Rmj at Adventus:
Water-borne diseases are common in poor countries that have no sewage or clean-water systems, but Baghdad once had such things. Dr. Fathil al-Hadawi, of Iraq's Ministry of Health, says the pipes have been wrecked by years of neglect and war.
Hadawi says both water and sewer pipes are broken or cracked in many places, allowing untreated fecal matter to mingle with the tap water. He adds that chronic electricity outages in the city mean that water treatment and pumping stations often stand idle, so even polluted tap water isn't always available. NPR
As Rmj says, violence is down in Iraq, but life there is still not a bowl of cherries.
Water-borne diseases are common in poor countries that have no sewage or clean-water systems, but Baghdad once had such things. Dr. Fathil al-Hadawi, of Iraq's Ministry of Health, says the pipes have been wrecked by years of neglect and war.
Hadawi says both water and sewer pipes are broken or cracked in many places, allowing untreated fecal matter to mingle with the tap water. He adds that chronic electricity outages in the city mean that water treatment and pumping stations often stand idle, so even polluted tap water isn't always available. NPR
As Rmj says, violence is down in Iraq, but life there is still not a bowl of cherries.
Bishop Gene On Putney
From Canterbury Tales From The Fringe:
By now, you will have probably read about the service last night at St. Mary's, Putney. The church was filled to capacity, the music was glorious, the crowd was warm, welcoming and supportive. It was clear that everyone wanted to be there. Except that one person wanted to be there for different reasons.
As I began to preach, this youngish man with long hair and long sideburns, carrying a motorcycle helmet, stood and began to point his finger at me and scream, "Heretic! Repent!"
....
And then, on with the sermon. Though everyone seemed to appreciate it, it was not my best, and my timing felt off. I meant what I was saying, and it was all true, but I was distracted -- wondering if there were plans for further interruptions by possible collaborators in the heckling, still feeling the sadness, and absorbing the trauma of what had just happened. The communion proceeded, and I sat and watched the faces as they came forward to receive. (I was not distributing the bread, to make it absolutely clear that I was not presiding at the service, having not been given permission to do so.)
Read the rest about Nicky, the waiter, and about Emily, the young woman with cerebral palsy.
By now, you will have probably read about the service last night at St. Mary's, Putney. The church was filled to capacity, the music was glorious, the crowd was warm, welcoming and supportive. It was clear that everyone wanted to be there. Except that one person wanted to be there for different reasons.
As I began to preach, this youngish man with long hair and long sideburns, carrying a motorcycle helmet, stood and began to point his finger at me and scream, "Heretic! Repent!"
....
And then, on with the sermon. Though everyone seemed to appreciate it, it was not my best, and my timing felt off. I meant what I was saying, and it was all true, but I was distracted -- wondering if there were plans for further interruptions by possible collaborators in the heckling, still feeling the sadness, and absorbing the trauma of what had just happened. The communion proceeded, and I sat and watched the faces as they came forward to receive. (I was not distributing the bread, to make it absolutely clear that I was not presiding at the service, having not been given permission to do so.)
Read the rest about Nicky, the waiter, and about Emily, the young woman with cerebral palsy.
Why Women Need Catalogs
If you feel the slightest bit of hostility toward the man in your life, even the slightest, this should help. You feel better now, right? Good. Now you can go about your business with a load off your shoulders.
Sent by my daughter.
This Will Be A Hellish Week
Actually my title is hyperbole. Saturday, we are leaving to go to Kansas City to visit my deceased sister's family. The days before we leave are filled with APPOINTMENTS. Why is it that the week before I travel always seems filled with obligations? Who did this to me? Of course, I did it to myself, not realizing when I made the APPOINTMENTS that I was leaving the following Saturday.
Today is the APPOINTMENT with the attorney, because our 11 year old will is no longer satisfactory and needs to be fixed. Oh joy! Most of the time I'll be sitting with glazed eyes, because my brain usually shuts down when I hear legal talk.
The rest of the week consists of maintenance APPOINTMENTS for me, the ear doctor, the dentist, and the hairdresser. If I don't get my hair cut before we go, I'll frighten the folks in Kansas City.
Yesterday, I took care of the pre-trip obligation with the highest priority - taking my two grandchildren to see "WALL-E". PJ ordered me to go. When PJ gives an order, I dare not disobey. It was incredibly good. Both my 12 year old granddaughter and my 8 year old grandson enjoyed it. My grandson was bug-eyed with all the machinery and technology. The animation was absolutely amazing. There was enough wit and irony included, along with the poignancy, to please the adults. I won't say more, because I don't want to spoil the movie for those who have not seen it. PJ was right to give the order.
I had my movie moment of blindness. My eyes take an unbelievably long time to adjust to darkness after coming in from bright sunlight. My grandchildren raced to their seats before I could go anywhere. There I stood on the bottom of the stairs straining to see them, but I could see nothing. I heard a faint "Mimi" several times, which sounded far away, and that was no help. After standing like an idiot on the stairs for an interminable period, I began to be able to see. No wonder the voice calling "Mimi" was faint. They were sitting in the rafters! Third row from the top, I believe. Then Grandson didn't have a straw, but there was no way I was going down the stairs again, and they didn't want to miss parts of the movie, so he and his sister shared the one straw.
My granddaughter will be going with us to Kansas City. She outgrew the bottom of her favorite swim suit, but the top still fits, and she wanted to go to the dreaded (by me) Walmart to look for a bottom of a suit, because the big box sells tops and bottoms separately. After looking and looking, she found a bottom that fit and matched her top. We picked up a few other items, and we went to check out.
It seems the bottom of the swim suit was part of a set, with the top missing. We went back and looked and looked, but no top. I asked if I could pay full price for just the bottom. Impossible. What about half price? Impossible. What will you do with this bottom? No answer. Walmart simply cannot handle unusual situations. The bottom that my granddaughter wanted, the only one that fit and matched her top, will very likely be discarded. Somehow this doesn't seem right.
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