George Carlin On Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old
is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited
about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a
half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the
next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!"

You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest
day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a
ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like
bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now,
you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the
brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 . . ..
and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you
BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built
up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing;
you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80s and every day is a complete
cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I
Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a
little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's
workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is

with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, Whether it's family, pets,
keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,
improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next
county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away.

The last statement is so very true. I'm quite serious when I say that, although I've been through rough times, I thank God that I have had many beautiful moments in my life that took my breath away.

And turning 30 was a tremendous shock to me. I breezed through the remainder of the turning decades.

Thanks to Doug.

Rx For Hubby...

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's a different story. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

From Susan S.

GOOD NEWS FROM ROSEANN!

From Roseann to Sue:

I'm on my way home as soon as they get the papers all together. Dr K determined it was bronchitis instead of pneumonia. I'll stay on the feeding tube until I get my strength built back up.

This is a wonderful day. I want to be home. I love all of you and appreciate the prayers and kind thoughts.

Love, R

Roseann, we love you, too, and we rejoice with you that you are on your way home - maybe even home by now. Thanks be to God!

Thank you, Sue, for keeping us informed.

Joke Of The Day

Pictures and captions from the genius called MadPriest.

The Anglican Consultative Council (ACC) asked May 6 for a renewal of the Anglican Communion's process of listening to homosexual persons and those who struggle with the full inclusion of such persons in the life of the church.

From Episcopal Life.

In the US, the "listening process" has not yet begun in a number of dioceses. One wonders about the provinces of Nigeria, Uganda, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

UPDATE: If it's not to be about renewal in many place, lets hope that the Rev. Canon Phil Groves, the Facilitator for the Listening Process, can get the process going.

Groves said the process is "looking at new ways of moving forward." One effort will be to encourage the development of "theological resources, perhaps theological hubs around the world, to reflect on Scripture in the light of the traditions of that place, to reflect on the traditions of the church in the light of that place."
....

Another aim of the conversations, Groves said, is not just to have bishops talk, "but to have the people of those places engage one another in conversation."

"We expect hard questions to be asked of one another," he said. "We do expect some very difficult times."

Only a few people commented on the resolution. Jerusalem and the Middle East President Bishop Mouneer Anis questioned the goals of the Listening Process, saying that "if we are to achieve better pastoral care and combating homophobia, this would be an honorable achievement because I don't think we all know how to care for people with homosexual orientation and some [people] are actually homophobic."

"Homophobia is not good and it doesn't go with our Christian love at all," he said. "We should be loving, we should be caring for homosexuals." However, Anis said that the goal cannot be toleration of homosexual.

(My emphasis)

It ain't gonna be easy.

UPDATE 2: From Paul the BB in the comments:

I believe full implementation of the listening process is slated for the week following the last trumpet.

What Would You Do, Bishop Cameron?

From Episcopal Life:

During the briefing, [Welsh Diocese of St. Asaph Bishop Gregory] Cameron also vehemently criticized ongoing property litigation concerning people who want to retain church property after they choose to disaffiliate with their province or diocese. "I don't think there's any Christian who can't be anything other than aghast when Christians choose to play out their differences through the law courts," he said. "It's not an appropriate response."

He noted that the primates asked that the Episcopal Church not try to recover property through court action and that the departing members not seek to take property away from the church. "I have to say that I don't see either side of that equation heeded in the American situation," he said.

Would Bishop Cameron permit parishes in his diocese to separate from the Church in Wales and take property with them? I'd like to hear the bishop's answer to that question, before I give his words serious consideration.

I don't like the idea of Christians in litigation against each other, either, but what is the answer? Negotiations don't seem to have worked well thus far.

Louisiana Is A Leader!

From the Violence Policy Center:

States with higher gun ownership rates and weak gun laws have the highest rates of gun death according to a new analysis by the Violence Policy Center (VPC) of just-released 2006 national data (the most recent available) from the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's National Center for Injury Prevention and Control.

The analysis reveals that the five states with the highest per capita gun death rates were Louisiana, Alabama, Alaska, Mississippi, and Nevada. Each of these states had a per capita gun death rate far exceeding the national per capita gun death rate of 10.32 per 100,000 for 2006. Each state has lax gun laws and higher gun ownership rates. By contrast, states with strong gun laws and low rates of gun ownership had far lower rates of firearm-related death. Ranking last in the nation for gun death was Hawaii, followed by Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, and New York. (See chart below for top and bottom five states.

State Firearm Death Rates, Ranked by Rate, 2006

Rank State Rate

1 Louisiana 19.58
2 Alabama 16.99
3 (tie) Alaska 16.38
3 (tie) Mississippi 16.38
5 Nevada 16.25
6 Arizona 15.93
7 Wyoming 15.60
8 Tennessee 15.52
9 Arkansas 15.16
10 New Mexico 14.57
11 South Carolina 14.23
12 West Virginia 13.99
13 Oklahoma 13.47
14 Missouri 13.14
15 North Carolina 12.77
16 Montana 12.67
17 Kentucky 12.63
18 Idaho 12.30
19 Georgia 12.25
20 Maryland 12.10
21 Indiana 11.77
22 Florida 11.54
23 Michigan 11.45
24 Pennsylvania 11.05
25 Kansas 10.85
26 Virginia 10.68
27 Colorado 10.43
28 Oregon 10.40
29 Texas 10.35
30 South Dakota 9.77
31 Ohio 9.72
32 California 9.28
33 Delaware 9.26
34 Vermont 8.70
35 Utah 8.68
36 Washington 8.56
37 Illinois 8.11
38 (tie) Maine 7.99
38 (tie) Nebraska 7.99
40 Wisconsin 7.61
41 North Dakota 7.22
42 Iowa 6.49
43 Minnesota 6.38
44 New Hampshire 6.25
45 New Jersey 5.68
46 New York 5.20
47 Connecticut 4.95
48 Rhode Island 4.43
49 Massachusetts 3.28
50 Hawaii 2.58
. National Average 10.32

*Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Control and Prevention.

Just look at that! No. 1 in per capita gun deaths! I'm a tad, just a tad embarrassed by this, but many of my fellow citizens here in Louisiana seem to take this information in stride.

Who knew that weak gun laws correlated with the number of deaths by gunshot?

But remember: As the bumper sticker says, "Guns don't kill people. People do." Tell that to the loved ones of those who are dead from gunshots.

Go read Steve Kanga's refutation of the fallacious statement. Sounds good to me. I like the final words:

A wit once described this irrelevancy thus: "Fingers don't kill people, bullets do."

Let's raise a glass to that, my fellow citizens.

Holiday Complaints Received By Thomas Cook

"The beach was too sandy."

"We bought Ray-Ban sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader only to find out they were fake."

"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England but it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment with our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

"The brochure states 'No hairdressers at the hotel.' We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

"I was bitten by a mosquito. No-one said they could bite."

"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits such as custard creams and ginger nuts."

"On my holiday to Goa in India I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

Thanks to Erika.

Memo To Bishops: Catholics Not Listening

From Fr. Thomas J. Reese, S. J. in the Washington Post:

During the 2008 presidential campaign, there was a steady drumbeat of opposition to Barack Obama from some U.S. Catholic bishops, which only increased after his election. But despite the attention these attacks received in the media and on Internet blogs, polls show that the Catholic people are not listening.
....

In the presidential election, Catholics voted for Obama, and Hispanic Catholics, who are a growing percentage of U.S. Catholics, gave him around two-thirds of their vote. Since the election, Obama has continued to do as well if not better with Catholics in the polls.

Fr. Reese hazards a guess as to why the people are not listening.

I think part of the problem is that the bishops stopped listening and teaching and started ordering and condemning. With an educated laity it no longer works to simply say, "it is the teaching of the church." This is the equivalent of a parent shouting, "Because I said so."

The bishops must persuade and convince with arguments not by turning up the volume. When they resort to commanding and threatening punishments, people are turned off. Banning speakers, denying Communion, silencing theologians is a sign of weakness not strength. Censorship and violations of academic freedom come across as admissions that their arguments are not convincing and therefore the opposition must be silenced.

And the coup de grâce:

The bishops will also be embarrassed when Pope Benedict welcomes President Obama at the Vatican, or are all these people going to tell the Pope that he cannot talk to a pro-choice President?

Some might say that the bishops are more Catholic than the pope, but I would never say that.

Do read the entire editorial. It is quite good. If I did the "Brick of the Day Award", I'd give it to Fr. Reese. I will anyway. Fr. Thomas J. Reese, S. J. is my "Brick of the Day".

(H/T to MadPriest for the "Brick of the Day" idea.)

Is it time for another Mass of Reparation? This one will be for Georgetown University, where Fr. Reese is Senior Fellow at Woodstock Theological Center.

Thanks to Lapin for the link.

Roseann - Update

Dear Mimi and MP,

I just received a one line statement from Roseann saying she is still in the hospital, because she seems to be getting worse. She asked me to call Gary and I'll do that later on in the day.

Sue

I'm so sorry to hear this news. Pray, pray, pray, my friends.

To ACC: Please Vote "No" On RCDC

We learn from the Episcopal Café that the Anglican Communion Deputy Secretary General Gregory Cameron, when questioned about the meaning of "church" in the Ridley Cambridge Draft Covenant now being considered by the Anglican Consultative Council, answered that "church" means "province" or the national church. However, he added that so long as the constitution and canons of the national church do not forbid it, he believes that individual dioceses may sign on to the RCDC, if the ACC passes it. The Joint Standing Committee of the ACC recommends passing the Covenant as is, without revision, all or nothing. I hope and pray that the vote by the ACC is against passing RCDC.

Tobias Haller says:

...[This Covenant] is a step backwards, and will prove to be a tool for division and fragmentation, rather than an instrument towards unity. Unless we all just sign up and get on with our lives, allowing it to serve its symbolic function with no real power over any of those who sign it.

Exactly. In addition, I fear that if RCDC passes, it will be used to exclude and punish. That's not my idea of a Covenant. I go back to my original question. Why do we need a Covenant at all?

We have the New Covenant of Our Lord Jesus Christ. In the Anglican Communion, we have the the Creeds, the Baptismal Covenant, the Book of Common Prayer for our common worship, the Instruments of Communion, and the bonds of affection which link together the various autonomous churches of the Communion.

It's true that the bonds of affection are strained at the moment, but will a coercive, exclusionary, and what I fear will come to be a punitive Covenant improve relations amongst the member churches of the Communion? I think not.

As Michael Russell says in the comments at the Episcopal Café, "Please ACC drown the whole thing or give it to a new committee."